Dontlikehotweather

[Dontlikehotweather]

Totally get it. Me and my ex worked at the same place. I had to leave my job there for other reasons and he stayed. I actually (detail removed by moderator).

When I see some of my ex colleges they are polite but I feel as if something is off.

He did a full on smear campaign against me, saying that I had (detail removed by moderator) and God knows what else. He told the management this and I know as I did a freedom of information request to the place we worked.

Nobody has reached out to me to confirm or deny any of this. The only bit of ‘come back’ that I have is that Women’s aid had to raise a safeguarding concern against him to the place where we worked.

You feel powerless and even now it’s constantly on my mind. These were people I thought were friends and I now see them going out on get togethers with him. It feels as if they are supporting him and have totally forgot me.

The only thing is it does sort the wheat from the chaf so to speak. I am not going to reach out to them. You are doing the right thing finding new friends because in my opinion anyone who is even still talking to the abuser are condoning the behaviour and that makes them no better than him.

It is very hard starting from scratch.

[Dontlikehotweather]

My husband left (detail removed by moderator) and I am still thinking about him from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep. So I totally get it. I wish it would stop. I don’t want him back it is more to do with the things he did, the smear campaign he did, the cheating, and hoping he gets his ‘just desserts’ so to speak. I think this is normal. I try and keep busy but my mind soon wanders back to him. I hope it stops for you soon. I think the previous posters are correct in saying time is what it takes. X

[Dontlikehotweather]

Going through exactly the same. I am having all sorts of thoughts go through my head. I feel frustrated that I am so helpless to defend myself. He has done a smear campaign against me, quite a nasty one, and I keep thinking about our mutual friends encouraging him and running me down, even though that may not be the case. I am angry that he gets to walk away and live his life as if he’s done nothing wrong and I am stuck with clearing up his mess. At the moment he pays child maintenance but I am expecting that to stop. I knew he was seeing someone as his behaviour changed towards our daughter. It’s when he can fit her in now. Although she wants nothing to do with him anyway. I also compare myself like is she thinner, prettier, younger, etc even though I have no idea who she is. I am still grieving our relationship and I can’t get my head around how he has moved on so quickly after 20 years. Sorry to sabotage your post but when I started writing it all came out. Counselling is a good idea. I have just booked me an appointment to get these feelings out x

[Dontlikehotweather]

Same here. My soon to be ex husband has done this. We used to work at the same place and I can only imagine what he has said. I do know that he put a DV complaint in against me. He also likes to play the victim. It’s awful because all you want to do is defend yourself. Do you ruminate cos I do. The only thing that helps at the moment is a lot of walking or keeping busy in other ways.

[Dontlikehotweather]

It sounds like you are doing a brilliant job. I have a daughter and we are struggling also even though it’s been a few months it seems no easier. I’m sorry I’ve got no advice but just wanted to say I get it. Is there anyone at all who could help you out. Where emotions are concerned that’s totally normal, the ups and downs. There is no time limit for grieving add to that all you have to do on a daily basis.

[Dontlikehotweather]

I would say it’s normal. I felt like this at first. I had a lot of things going on and it’s been (detail removed by Moderator) months now and it’s hit me really in the last two months. There’s no time limit for grief I suppose. Just take it as it comes.

[Dontlikehotweather]

Forgot to say. My daughter rarely leaves the house which means I am isolated also except on the odd occasion when my neighbour has been able to watch my daughter just while I go to the shops for example. I feel so alone.

[Dontlikehotweather]

Thank you x

[Dontlikehotweather]

Thanks for taking the time to answer. Thinking about it my husband’s anger used to come in cycles. You could see it building up in him like a bottle of fizzy pop. My daughter starts a different school next week with hopefully more SEN provision so fingers crossed she won’t feel as anxious about going in.

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