Findingnemo

[Findingnemo]

So… I did it. I got that deep breathe and did it! I just wanted to say Thankyou as without your kind words I think I would have bottled it!

[Findingnemo]

Thankyou banana boat x

[Findingnemo]

Yes I have support from the local domestic service and she’s been amazing. It’s just this last step. I’d rather do it while he’s not here but he’s always here! I feel like life is presenting me with so many opportunities to go but at the same time it’s telling me you can’t do it alone 🫤
I need to go because and I know once I do it’ll be a huge relief but I’m like let’s just do it after this and then something comes up and then I’m like after this……
Yes I too feel like I’m forever secretly sneaking stuff out because once it’s done I won’t be brave enough to come back for the rest!
I need to shift the mentality that I’m the bad person because I’m leaving!
I hope you find your strength confusedgirl, I have left before and came back after a few months. People told me not to but I didn’t listen and now I’m back to square one.

[Findingnemo]

Yes I have support from the local domestic service and she’s been amazing. It’s just this last step. I’d rather do it while he’s not here but he’s always here! I feel like life is presenting me with so many opportunities to go but at the same time it’s telling me you can’t do it alone 🫤
I need to go because and I know once I do it’ll be a huge relief but I’m like let’s just do it after this and then something comes up and then I’m like after this……
Yes I too feel like I’m forever secretly sneaking stuff out because once it’s done I won’t be brave enough to come back for the rest!
I need to shift the mentality that I’m the bad person because I’m leaving!

[Findingnemo]

I think I am becoming more aware of the cycle and I see how he uses this opportunity to draw me back. I need to hold on to all those reasons not to go back!
This is so confusing, I agree. I think I need to feel 100% first and then it will be time!

Thank you

[Findingnemo]

Thank you ladies. I was due to leave this week as I’m off work. (detail removed by moderator) I started experiencing chest pains and ended up in hospital. It seems a medication I’ve been on has triggered a stress response and this has no prevented me from doing anything right now. This is highly frustrating as he is now playing the doting partner and I fear I will soften 😢
I have already been here before and did go back but I know this time it has to be for good. I think the pretending is taking its toll.
When you left were you honest about the real reasons? As we have a child I’m frightened to be 100% honest as I have to co parent with this person!
Thank you as always for your kind words!

[Findingnemo]

Thankyou! I think it’s just hard to shift the visual of what I’ve seen. I’ve never had a council property before so I have no idea what to expect them to do. I think in my anxious state I just saw myself trying to battle with something that’s unachievable for one person.
Thank you for your kind words and reassurance x

[Findingnemo]

Thankyou Eggshells!
I didn’t know about those sites so I’ll be sure to check them out, thank you so much.
I’m excited but its very daunting at the same time! It’s just so reassuring to use this forum and get support from others who understand 😊

[Findingnemo]

Hi,
Thank you so much for your replies. It is really appreciated. I think your totally right that I down play the situation and it is so easy on the better days to forget how bad things have been. I’ve spent so many years just waiting for things to improve or thinking I just need to be accepting of others faults, it never dawned on me that this is abuse. Even those words feel strange as I’m like ‘am I being over the top’ or ‘is it all in my head’.
This all feels so scary, I always felt that I didn’t need anybody but the thought of being alone terrifies me. I’ve also felt for so many years that I don’t deserve better.
I guilt I feel is strange, I don’t wanna be the bad guy, that hurts someone by walking away. However this makes no sense as everyday I stay it hurts me and the children 😔
Never ever did I see myself in this situation.
I made a huge step yesterday and sought help face to face. I’m just praying I keep this strength!

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