focusonfreedom

[focusonfreedom]

Oh my goodness, I have the same feelings as you when I watch 80’s top of the pops and the joy in my heart back then. I almost have to deny myself watching and remembering these times because it makes me so sad that life turned so sour after. “If only’s” are heartbreaking. I go through all the heartaches thinking of all the missed opportunities that I gave away to escape, the abusive life that lasted for so long. Even now I am free painful memories emerge, bring back the 80’s and hindsight.

[focusonfreedom]

When it’s in the past it is easy to feel anger at what I did, because now it is so obviously a violation. But I have to keep reminding myself, at that moment, for me, there was no choice involved. Thanks for the reminder bettertimesahead.

[focusonfreedom]

Thanks for the advice, it made me feel I was not the only one. It pains me and night time thoughts are over whelming. My kids know the control he had, I think I will tentatively discuss this situation. Thanks. Also what a great idea to tell them not to look if they found anything. The distress of just wanting him to stop going on at me for not performing just made me want to get it out of the way and go along with his disgusting obsession. I am out of the house so have no control over his possessions but if anything happened to him I would be in there to clear away evidence. I fear legal sides but when I am stronger will confront him to extinguish what does not need to be seen or found.

I agree the thought of another sexual relationship haunts me, when you fall easily into a trap. I worry for my daughters, but we are good communicators and at least I can recognise some signs because of remembering how I was so unable to function in life.

Very much appreciate comments, this is a magical forum and connection with others is wonderful.

[focusonfreedom]

You should not in anyway feel bothered about others. I had the same experience with random rages. But I can assure you that people, who you think have no idea what is happening, do. When I left a relationship there was no one who ever doubted what I had done was right and they never questioned my notion when I had to walk away from my own children to save myself. People are wise to situations, even though they never talk to you about them. Rages need to exist, it builds your strength, too much passive behaviour will make him believe you are accepting his actions. Please be strong and not so doubtful of your actions.

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