forestwalker

[forestwalker]

Thank you for your replies.
So he is currently oscillating between “I love you” and “I am in pieces so it’s easier for you to go to the police” to “we have both had bad childhoods” etc etc has been occurring over the last (detail removed by Moderator) days. He is emailing me as I will not talk to him or respond to text messages…I have resisted responding, but he is really twisting the knife. He has now collected all his clothes, my friend was at my house whilst I was out with my (detail removed by Moderator) dogs – he was ever so charming to her asking how she was etc
One of the emails I nearly responded to, as it was about the fact that we both had abusive childhoods and it took my breath away and I immediately broke down. I can see that he is manipulating me, any my need to try and rescue him is so intense. I am guessing that he is drinking again, as (detail removed by Moderator) he is sending me (detail removed by Moderator) via email…but I am trying to be strong. I know that I should change my email, but until he has collected the rest of his belongings – this is the only way of informing him when he can attend my house.

I will keep posting and reading to remain strong, and I am also halfway through the Lundy Bancroft book. I will do this.

[forestwalker]

Hi Muddyboots,

The builder walked off the job with (removed by moderator) of my money. Unfortunately for me this builder was a “mate” of my partner…site is a mess and I have felt even more broken from this.
(Removed by moderator) night was particularly bad usual name calling and swearing at me, threw my phone at me. I just went up to bed and told him I couldn’t face the verbal abuse anymore, and then he decided at (removed by moderator) to come into the bedroom and start all over again and made a big demonstration of packing his clothes – I wanted him out and he was requesting money from me, and although I stated that I would give him (removed by moderator) after he left, he then quickly backed down and the old lines of I love you, we need to talk etc etc came out again. The only way he would leave me be, was if I agreed to let him sleep in the same bed as me.

I am really struggling to work and focus on anything. I know I can do this, but like others on here, I just feel that I am waiting. I had a lightbulb moment in therapy last week, and I know I will get him out. But I also know that I need to develop some resilience in order to not allow him to come back. I know that he will be receiving a massive pay in (removed by moderator) (primarily because he always tells me in true narcissistic fashion). Then he will be gone, as I then hope I won’t feel guilty throwing him out.

[forestwalker]

Thank you Darcy for your kind response.
I just feel so pathetic allowing him to come back and getting stuck again.
I start trauma counselling next week for my PTSD from my childhood history, and I am hoping that this puts me in a better position/mindset to be free from him for good.
When he is not being abusive he is a charmer and so loving, but I know that this cannot last and is part of the cycle of behaviour which keeps us/me trapped for longer.
He is also a serial perpetrator so I know i am not the 1st, and probably will not be the last sadly.
Its crazy how I hope that he will cross the line and physically hurt me, as then I will feel justified in throwing him out…but I also know that it will come at some point.

[forestwalker]

Thank you everyone for your responses.
He is continuing to text me and has asked me whether I want to discuss what he has spoken about in his 1st counselling session (this is a private one and he is still waiting to hear about the DV perpetrators course). I have continued to ignore him.
However this morning he has texted me about experiencing childhood sexual abuse – he knew this would get to me as this is my history and I have responded (stupidly). I have basically stated that I am sorry to hear about his trauma, however it still does not excuse or give license to the fact that he has abused me as that is his choice. I know he has not gotten through a chink in my armour and I need to remain firm.

[forestwalker]

Thank you for your responses. I know deep down all of this and am sitting here crying. You are right Kip I do need some counselling as I know the reasons why I fell for him and they are the same as why I do the job that I do.
Life is a b**** sometimes.

[forestwalker]

Thank you for your kind words Kip. I do feel incredibly guilty as in his words I am making him homeless – he lacks emotional intelligence and the ability to reflect at all on how his behaviour has caused this.
I am planning on returning home tomorrow to get my locks changed as he has a day off from work on (detail removed by Moderator) and need this done before he has a day to hassle me. I will also speak to the local DA service for further information and suggestions.
I have updated the police officer with the information about him contacting me, alongside agreeing to receive a personal alarm and door wedge alarm.
One day at a time…
PS – sadly yes I know all about trauma bonding 🙁

[Author]

Posts