FreeFromHim

[FreeFromHim]

Wow that was really powerful.. thank you x

You are found.. you are here and you shared… never ever feel alone again. x

Your words totally moved me.. so raw and real, thank you for being so brave to share that… you are not lost, names can change and identity adapts, we are all adaptable to new…and if it is the best for you and your family, then good, let it happen.

I wish you and yours the best of luck and love xx

[FreeFromHim]

That was beautiful!!

A standing ovation from us!… I do love a poem I must say.. however, the one I wrote directly related to my experience was more somber.. and a part of a therapy exercise (write to your former or future self)… here is goes (ahem):

Dear to my future self

I trust you’re doing well,
I often wonder how you’d be in the future place we dwell.

There are many hopes I have for you, ones I know you possess
Like courage; passion; kindness; love; gifts that are so blessed.

I know it hasn’t been easy this journey between me and you,
But remember, I never gave up faith in who we’ll grow into.

Right now, I feel we have walked in shoes, from babe, to girl, to woman,
But I for one never gave up hope,
After all we are just human

We’ve had our moments you and I,
Days so dark, so sullen,
But as a phoenix we arise, facing all our villains.

I hope you move past shadows now, not just shadows of your mind,
And found the people in the world that are beautiful and kind.

I hope you finally found your soul, no longer shall you roam
A life that shouts out to you now;
‘YOU are LOVED, and WELCOME home’!

This is a letter, I do digress, that has such meaning, has such depth,
And in its finality I do draw breath, from the former girl I knew!
Sadly, we shall forever recall, what we can’t undo
But always remember… you should ALWAYS be LOVED by YOU!!

x

[FreeFromHim]

Totally agree… you have the power over you.. how dare anyone say when you are ready or not (in their perspective). Their view does not matter, your heart and when you are ready does… keep strong x

[FreeFromHim]

The fact you reached out on here shows strength…. some days are horrid – then there is light… bottom line is you are free… be empowered that you are free…

So agree with finding something, be that mindfulness, meditation, meeting new people, writing, exercise… whatever your preference, do something for YOU… even if that means giving yourself a hug… believe me I thought that the strangest advice a therapist gave me… but it makes sense..

We give so much to others, so much love, sometimes we forget to give that to ourselves.. tomorrow is another day… no one can predict what will happen, and we shouldn’t predict the worst… if crap happens, let it, you are strong and you can deal with it … there is another day after that… and remember YOU ARE FREE… x

[FreeFromHim]

Hi all

So agree with the responses… this person should not use your daughter.

I learnt during therapy that there are 2 types of love going on in abusive relationships – ‘usually’ from the mother/wife/partner is ‘unconditional’ love… the abuser only knows ‘conditional’ love… love on a condition is not love…therefore it is your absolute duty to protect your children. Its pathological and cunning and what he is doing is further exploitation to exert his control and power to hurt you .. via the children… sadly, that is all these types of people are interested in…

If your little one is coming back and unable to share her time freely then there is something totally wrong here… you know your baby… use your intuition and seek advice immediately. Stop direct contact!

Abusers will use the courts, they will use the system, you just stick to your guns and speak the truth. If your daughter is old enough, in a court environment, she can also provide her wishes … however, perhaps supervised access by ways via solicitors is a first port of call and then seek family court for an order… its testing.. but you have your babies interests as a priority… in the interim suggest indirect contact (letters/cards etc), just so it shows that you are not taking away her relationship, just that you are needing to establish if the contact your children are having are 100% safe, psychologically and otherwise… this way you can visibly see how committed he may be…not just playing games…

Keep Strong and Good luck x

[FreeFromHim]

Hi QueenMaeve

Why do you have to leave? Have you checked out advice on an occupation order?

x

[FreeFromHim]

Do not forget, we were born with names given, you can be reborn with new names x names do not define you .. YOU define you … x best love and warm wishes to you all x

[FreeFromHim]

I hope you found sensible folk that can help x

[FreeFromHim]

Thank you Lisa – I will check them out.

☺️

[FreeFromHim]

Hi Kip

Yes I got my local MP involved, then a week later received a letter from the HA that was shocking. It ignored all the sensitive detail I sent previously, paid no reference to the supporting documents (some I believe they have misplaced or lost). The letter spoke quite candidly about my private matters such as divorce etc.. to the point it was so personal to portray me as someone not worthy of their time… then upon my response to this I learn this poor letter was sent directly to the MP as their (HA) response. I did wonder why certain elements of the initial letter was literally giving a different version of what I had experienced with them. Immediately I thought they were trying to ‘gas-light’. Behaviours I am well aware of now and perhaps hyper-sensitive about.

What saddens me is that I have been pleading for someone to speak to me… why should I have to beg? Any response I had was via my IDVA’s or nothing at all. For months the same HA were ignoring victim support! Last week was the only time I had seen something written from the HA, my conclusion is that this letter wasn’t for me. It was written for the audience it was intended for… my MP… to portray me as a waste of space, a hindrance.

This of course is my personal experience, and I am thankful you have responded to me. It interests me how many other families have had to deal with this? I have literally spoon fed legislation to them, yet ignored. Sensitive documents are (allegedly) missing… yet I am ignored… However what hurts the most is that I have had to justify a million times to them what we have been through. A HA employee referred 3 times to our experience as an ‘Anti-Social Behavioural Issue’! The most annoying thing was twice I let that go, the third time I challenged that and their training/education on their professionalism with assisting victims/survivors… perhaps I challenged them too much?

I will not give up, not for my children or other families x

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