Happybean

[Happybean]

So glad my post helped. I never forget thete are still people going through this. Yes I had parental alienation used. But i kept telling child everyday I loved them despite no response back. I just wanted to leave it easier for them to contact me. I never said bad things about her dad to her. And just focused on myself and becoming emotionally healed. And yes the validation helps doesnt it. I think its so hard to understand why people can be like that that you question if its you. It isnt. I had all the projection too. Quite scary because he oncevsaid Id said id destroy him. I knew that was his aim. But leave them to it and theyll do it themselves. Thanks for sharing your comments xx

[Happybean]

They do this because you dared to stand up to them. My ex has recently started to step up his game on this. Professionals are seeing the damage he’s causing my youngest so it will catch up with him. And with his job cost him big I love my children too much to damage their relationship with their dad. He can’t love them to do this. I am focusing on myself and ensuring I’m strong for when my children realise the truth. Yes it does hurt but it hurts because of what he’s doing to my children. I recently came face to face after years and quite frankly he’s vile. Full of hatred and anger at me. As I walked away I smiled because I’ve got away from him. I stayed calm throughout reiterating the need for us other to have a good relationship with children. Wasted breath. I pity his girlfriend. Look after yourself. Xx

[Happybean]

No it most certainly doesn’t. My ex was arrested but not charged. I was told he was upset at my allegations, and I should think about his job!!! Hmm, he didn’t think about me, when he raped me and throttled me.
I was in bits, after the last rape and assault. I made a formal complaint and received an apology a while later when I was stronger. It doesn’t change things, but I know I was treated badly by the system and my ex. And I didn’t give a statement about the rapes and that side of things. I’m in a better place now, but if he ever comes back to hurt me again, I will make full statements about that and be able to back it up with medical evidence from hospital treatment.
What got to me most of all was that my ex had a previous conviction with a prior girlfriend (I hadn’t know when I met him), the police had no record of this, even though I went to court with him, after we’d been together a while (yes I know – I should have ran for the hills – but I was in full love bomb mode and very quickly pregnant). My ex used to boast about how clever he was to get away with the more serious offences that he had committed. He said they couldn’t get me for x, so they got me for z. He would have been the same about me.
I know he did it all, and so did he. And I like to think at some point it will all catch up with him. I don’t have set beliefs, but really hope there is a pathway when we die. He’s got it coming bad:)

[Happybean]

My ex did this. He drove me to attempt suicide. I had numerous breakdowns after rapes and decades of dv. When I started speaking out he said I was mentally ill.
My gp arranged for me to see a psychiatrist. I got a diagnosis. Anxiety as a result of acute domestic abuse. Love that piece of paper. It validated the reasons of why I was in bits . Funny enough in court papers he said he was breaking down and struggling to work. Lies or projection?? Not sure. But I am healthy and we’ll now I’m free of him. Hang in there xx

[Happybean]

Thanks:) And if you could have seen me,and the desperate posts I made at the time, you would see how far I’ve come. It does take time, and I’m changed for ever, but I see that it’s for the better. I still treat others as I would like to be treated, I’m emphatic, kind -hearted – but now if I see red flags, or I’m not treated with respect, I walk away:) And every day is a step on the pathway I’m heading along. My youngest child has always been very defensive of her dad – but last week my oldest told me that the youngest finds it’s easier to approach me than their dad. She can come to me for anything. That’s the biggest break through I’ve had ever:) Their dad plays the victim because I spoke out after years, so they are torn, because they see me thriving and their dad now damaged by it all (in my eyes, bitter, angry, abusive, jealous because I left – after a breakdown). I’m not angry at him, I feel sorry for him and who he is – but in a way that makes me want to stay away). All of his relationships have been built on lies – lies about what he did to me, lies about him being a victim. Everything about me is true – everything I said, so all my relationships with people and my children are real – I’m loved and liked for who I am – he’s not. I underwent counselling at rape crisis, had amazing support by womens aid (was badly let down by the police), and had fantastic friends who believed me. I think he’s probably most mad that he couldn’t break me – I did have breakdowns, and end up trying to take my life, I was on medication for anxiety – it was bad – but I still came back even stronger xx

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