iwantchange

[iwantchange]

You know why that is? Because the abuse isn’t as constant as before. Like I do feel like we’re in a good place. I’ve told him if he hits me again, I will leave him which is something I’ve never done before. Usually when he lashes out, he apologizes and I just try to forget but this time I stood up and told him if it happens again I will leave.

The last time I mentioned a break or time away, he made it seem like I was leaving him with nothing and basically making him start over again. I have family to stay but then it means explaining why and I don’t want anyone to know that there’s bad going on. My family don’t know about the abuse and I don’t think I will ever tell them.

I know I need to do the right thing for my child, it its like there’s always something stopping me and I know I’m being selfish because of this and I don’t mean to be. I’m just stuck, I really am.

[iwantchange]

Thank you fizzylem & Cecile for your replies

Don’t even know where to begin. I’ve confided in friends, so I have some support but they all tell me to leave but I can’t. I don’t want to believe this is a trauma bond, I do have a genuine feelings for him. I just want him to change, I don’t want this to just be the “calm” phase. I want this to be the end. I’m so lost right now. I know the best thing to do would be to leave but I have a child with him. And it breaks me to have to break up our family.

I know I have to put myself and my child first. But I’m in such denial and put up with it for so long, I just don’t even know where to start. And I’m scared of leaving for 2 reasons I’m afraid of how he’ll react and what I do after?? My life is him and my child. I don’t see anything else other than that. Is that pathetic?

[iwantchange]

Hi confusedallofthetime.

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry you’re going through aswell. I wish I could hold each and every one of these women who are going through exactly what we are. Because it’s not fair.

We should be in a loving relationship, happy. Not nervous at the thought of our partner being in a bad mood.

I hope it gets better for you, and I hope that don’t come across the wrong way.

Thank you again for your post and take care 🙂 x

[iwantchange]

Blue night, I just want to say you’re incredibly brave and strong for what you have done and leaving him is the first step.

Feel like a hypocrite saying this because I’m still with my partner and I’m still ignoring the violence and when he lashes out. But to hear your story just made me think wow. I’m so happy you fought back, reading that you punched him I had to hold back the tears. I hope that felt good for you hunnie.

You will feel sad and lonely because you thought your life was with, and like with my partner you can’t see life without him but you’ve done so well hunnie, I hope your family and friends help and support you. With this forum you’re not alone.

You will feel sad, anger, upset for a while but one day you’ll be able to smile again and know you did the right thing.

Take care 🙂 x

[iwantchange]

Hi Camel.

I understand what you mean but can’t help feeling some sort of guilt. When he first apologised the first time of course it was genuine and I know the more times he apologises the less you actually feel the apology.

I know that’s how I felt the last time he lashed out, so easy to say sorry after. How about just don’t do it? We’re good at the moment and I hope it stays like that. Just not nice thinking it could happen again.

I’m at the point where I know this is wrong, but I don’t have the strength to leave. I should’ve been stronger from the start maybe it wouldn’t still be carrying on.

X

[iwantchange]

Thank you Overcome for your post. In a way I feel like I’m betraying my partner for being on here but I just need advice. It’s nice hearing off you because you understand exactly how I’m feeling whereas my friends they don’t have a clue.

I also have a child with my partner which makes things even harder because I’m breaking up a family and it hurts to even think about it.

Thank you so much I will check out the links and do some research. You are right it does take time but its been years but its not easy at all, I still think he can change but there’s only so much I can deal with right now. Crazy because I never thought I’d ever be in a situation like this.

Thank you again. Take care xxx

[iwantchange]

All I ever do is want to see the best in him. When things are good we’re the happiest ever. And I forget about all the badness. Months go by and it makes me excited because I’m in a bubble of happiness. Am I weak for staying in this relationship? My friends they don’t understand, they think I’ve now chosen this life because I haven’t left and that is not the case. They don’t know him like I do, love him like I do. It’s so complicated.

When he lashes out, I get angry and tell myself that is it. I’m leaving but I get scared and I can’t move, I can’t see life without him. Then he apologizes and I try tell myself it’s ok next time I will go. We’re ok now but I’m hurting and I don’t have a voice because I can’t tell my family, can no longer tell my friends much because I feel like I don’t deserve to moan.

I love my man, I just want it to stop. He is trying to seek help but sometimes moments can still happen, I stay far away after just waiting for him to calm down hoping he don’t come back to me. When he calms down his back to the loving man I know and it’s so frustrating. I could go on but I should stop. At the moment I’m not strong enough to walk away I’m still hoping the last time was exactly it…. the last time

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