legobricks

[legobricks]

i got through to my local helpline. They have offered me a place at a refuge.

Im now too scared to go. Am i ready to start anew
I dont want to leave my job but im aware of the dangers.

but i am also afraid of the outburst when he gets home, i havent been able to unblock the sink so it looks like i havent tidied the kitchen because i havent been able to wash up.

[legobricks]

Today i was told if i didnt get enough chores done i will be kicked out.

Its fine for him to do absolutely no chores around the house because he works full time. Because i only work parttime so i can look after baby i already do everything but thats not good enough but he wont help. Just threaten me because i am not doing good enough.

I cant stop crying over such a stupid little thing.

Im so scared of loosing my baby and i am trying to keep the peace but i dont want to live in a prison where if his mug isnt washed i get in trouble.

[legobricks]

We have been having a good run until yesterday what i was screamed at (detail removed by moderator).

i havent got anywhere else but here to let it out.

I was actually thinking how happy i was just seconds before and then he came home and immediately verbally attacked and im knocked right down feeling hollow again.

[legobricks]

thankyou for so many replies. I wish i was better at replying but my brain has stalled.

I havent called the helpline, fighting the feelings of unworthiness to call at the min.

My name is on the mortgage so i dont think i would get any financial help or housing. I cant risk bring my leaving and wanting to sell the house while i am still there so i’m stuck because i have no where to go.

[legobricks]

Such words of wisdom, this quote particularly:

I thought I had anger problems until I realised I was only getting angry when my boundaries were getting violated – justificable and healthy and normal anger that subsided once I removed myself from the situation.

Like a lightbulb moment. I am only ever sad, irritated, feeling cornered or attacked when he is about. He acts like everything i say isnt serious, and keeps pushing and pushing. I say no. I say please. I move away but he keeps on, its like a game to him. I’m bruised from pulling away from his grasp, by then its my fault and i shouldn’t be grumpy.

He says I’m as bad as him

[legobricks]

Such a good post for everyone to see.

I was found via the electoral role, he paid online and had the address in seconds. Woke up to the door being kicked in.

I didn’t know you could choose to be annoymous but keep your vote, thanks KIP

[legobricks]

Thankyou Lisa & Older Lady.
I did try to ring the helpline twice today, but my phone’s microphone was broken and they couldnt hear me. I think i have fixed it though now so shall try to have the courage to call again when i can.

Although right now, because i have been almost silent around him all day he has been as nice as pie, asking if he had offended me in anyway and being all cuddly etc.. Watching him make our baby laugh tonight and im doubting if he is abusive or am i over sensitive.

I pretty sure i know what your replies will be but i easily forget the bad sometimes.

He is only my second relationship. My first lasted (detail removed by Moderator). He raped me. And the person i am with now saved me from a physically abusive relationship as a friend first and then we started seeing each other. So to start with his aggressiveness was my security blanket. Does that make sense?

[legobricks]

Its not normal for someone to call their baby a f*****g tw*t while changing their nappy is it?

[legobricks]

Thankyou for so many replies. I have read them all several times over today, first time crying because my fears of whats happening are recognised as dangerous. Crying in relief that its not all my head. Crying that i need to pick up the phone and that scares the hell out of me.

Im most worried that i dont have the money to leave, and with the house being in both our names i wont be able to get help with somewhere to live.

I shall probably have to keep reading these to stop myself from not doing anything.

But a friend is aware of things, she is the most trustworthy person i know. It helps to know she knows.

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