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    • #100881
      Lemmy
      Participant

      Thankyou fizzy and Iwyb, it really helps to be in touch
      I hit a wall today jus exhaustion and stress of it . I was so tired my skin was sore, I couldn’t stop crying and I looked like at least 102. I slept all morning and asked for help in the afternoon and realised that it’s like grief. Mourning your freedom, your life, your possibility for escape. Your try to do stuff to survive the lockdown then bam reality . How do I, and all of us like me, keep resilient : everyday life dodging bullets , I mean how to respond without putting yrself in the firing line. Then keep myself healthy body mind and spirit . Also when he is manipulating my son to turn against me : how do I counter that ? I think that is the most heart breaking ….. And while I’m locked in what can I do to prep for leaving?

    • #100782
      Lemmy
      Participant

      Oh yes it’s working now!

    • #100781
      Lemmy
      Participant

      I think I’ve posted that
      But I don’t know cos I can’t see it anywhere

    • #100780
      Lemmy
      Participant

      I’ve tried posting twice now and failed to record it. How does it work?
      Obs I am new to this forum too.
      I must say that the covid virus just makes the situation of being trapped literally there as a fact. A double fact. Trapped in the house with someone getting nasty and trapped in my partners habit of undermining , criticism , ignoring, . I have to fight all the time ( inside of me ) not to bail out ( emotionally) so I can be there for my little son (detail removed by moderator). I questioned his attitude (detail removed by moderator) suggesting that he could come up with a solution rather than having a problem that gets worse and worse the more he talks about it. He warned me to stop and not wind him up but it was too late and he started threatening with aggressive behaviour. I took my son and I out for a walk (!!!?!!!) and came back hoping that he’d calmed down. Inside he apologises to my son and shouts at me blaming me for escalating the situation, I move too (detail removed by moderator) and he pushes at me: (detail removed by moderator) He says. (detail removed by moderator) I say and go out again( !!!) . My son and I are walking and getting calmer. We both hate the covid as there’s no where to go.
      Back again we look for him. I apologise and say that we should try and make it back on track for our son. Yes he says … I will have to think about what I’ve done. He doesn’t come downstairs,has not (detail removed by moderator) and when he comes down he talks to my son ( who is desperate for his attention ) but stonewalls me.
      That’s just from (detail removed by moderator) Week3 day 1.

       

       

    • #100778
      Lemmy
      Participant

      I’ve tried posting twice now and failed to record it. How does it work?

    • #100327
      Lemmy
      Participant

      I live with my partner and we have a son. I feel I’m waking up from a bad dream even when I’m awake. Everyday there is something: a put down,undermining,asserting certain derogatory facts about my personality: I’m messy, don’t listen properly, uses words like dirty and disgusting when talking about me or the room I spend time in. He undermines stuff I do in the house in minute detail : making a cup of tea, making dinner: one or the most gruelling experiences ( because it’s so dull) is that he makes us wait for him to join us for dinner, 10 ,15 mins on average sometimes more. Sounds petty? But it comes from a whole raft of stuff which starts with having a melt down at the mess I make when preparing food, going mad if it’s not on time, not coming to the table on time even after complaining that we are eating too late, sniffing the platesfor smell, a hair on the plate, I don’t do vegetables (or whatever the food is) he says, too much mess left afterwards. All under threat of walking out leaving us to feel awful.wheres daddy? My little boy says.of course this list of stuff doesn’t all happen at once, but sometimes quite a lot of it and other times just one thing.
      I notice it all cos it hurts and it’s stressful plus I realise that if I’m the tiniest bit resistant or make a comment he’ll kick off.
      Today I decided to say something after our son went to bed but I didn’t. It was clear in my mind what I had to say. Instead I felt a barrier like a grey wall just stop me. It felt like fear but I wasn’t that frightened, I couldn’t quite see myself, like I’d run out of steam, like there is nothing there.
      He is also rewarding my son for small betrayals of me. He is (detail removed by moderator) and loves me dearly. But tells tales on me to his father, criticises me in a simular way to his father. It is also obvious to me that my son needs me to be there for him and love him despite these mini betrayals.
      Lockdown heightens all this. As we have to be together 24/7. No school no work means we have to be together with my partner. There is no respite. His moods swing daily:he is sunny and positive: he is depressed and does nothing: he is bitter and full of contempt. He finds it hard to come to terms with a new routine and says no or isn’t interested in any help I offer.
      How on earth am I going to get out of this? At the moment it’s happening? During the lockdown? After the lockdown? And how do I unpick my son from his father, who daily seems to be holding my little boy closer to him.

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