LittleFirefly

[LittleFirefly]

He was just looking for a fight. I could see it a mile off. I’m more prepared now. I won tonight. That never happens.

[LittleFirefly]

The messages part is all love bombing and perfect like a fairy tail. I see right through them where as before it made my heart melt. He has had alot to drink tonight and that doesnt help. I’m just glad I got out the way before it all went up in flames

[LittleFirefly]

Thanks girls, I am going to put him off coming for sure.. the whole point is to gain strength for the next break up so I can see it through. Hes the reason I’m going in the first place. I think hes worried what I might say. I know he is starting to realise I’m doing things to build my strength. I offered partners councilling and he refused this and said I need to be stronger for that as it may be upsetting to hear his story. Staying focused at the moment. Doing what needs to be done for the day I break away from the trauma bonding. It’s only a matter of time till he switches again.x

[LittleFirefly]

I went to see him (detail removed by moderator).. I tried to put a brave face on and hide from him my worrying feelings but he could sense and see through it. He asked me what was wrong, I kept saying nothing and smiling but he said.. (detail removed by moderator) I thought a (detail removed by moderator) ago you said you needed a break to concentrate on yourself and (detail removed by moderator). Again I hid these thoughts and because he made me feel safe enough to speak I told him. Not what made me feel this way just how i was feeling. Sad lost humiliated drained ( I missed out scared and ashamed that I was weak enough to go crawling) and that I am going to seek councilling. He was very supportive and actually listened for a change (is this part of the cycle?). He said that councilling was a good idea and he wanted to come with me. I said no but he insisted that he to should speak to my councillor to explain what I’m like and get advice on how he can support me. Does he think I was born yesterday. Am I right in thinking this is all fake?

 

 

[LittleFirefly]

Everything you have written was me (detail removed by moderator). I wish I’d known about abuse to see the signs but I’m now stuck and weak. You seem clever enough to get out before you end up like me years down the line. I’m still living it and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.. I will one day escape. I think the anger comes from the frustration of yearning for thier ex and obsessing about them. To you they call thier ex names and hold alot of anger but if they were face to face without you being there it would be completely different. I’m almost sure he treated me like a queen for her eyes to see as appose to being for me. Didnt realise that till years after. Being overly and publicly loving to get back to her. It’s so clear now. You’ll never actually know for sure because it will never be admitted. Fact is my fellas ex wouldnt get back with him so it’s always gonna be my overly jealous word against his. Maybe it’s the same situation xxxx

 

[LittleFirefly]

I’ve just arrived home from work and I had full focus while I was there, I have also eaten for the first time in days. It is a welcome relief to be able to function. We dont live together so i dont have to live with it which is nice. But the reason i can function is because i relapsed on the breakup. Breaking up is almost like going cold Turkey. I dont feel proud of myself at all. Especially as I knew I’d be sitting on his sofa last night looking down in shame as he told me awful things about myself. I put myself through that because I just couldn’t stand the thought of losing him. Sunday I had a breakdown in a carpark in my car on my own screaming for it all to stop begging to god to make it stop. I’ve come off social media because of the humiliation. He told everyone what an awful person I was and people were commenting about me. This is my home town. I have no one. Hes made sure of that. Now ges telling me he loves me. We are forever… I’m his lobster. … no one can love me like he does… I’m so beautiful. Absolute contrast to the evil crazy nasty..needy..jealous mess that he hates and wants nothing more to do with, not so many days a go.

 

[LittleFirefly]

Thank you colouringinfairy. All feel like a failure right now,ashamed of the lack of dignity for myself. It actually feels like I’m losing my mind. I cant physically function through it. Housework stops.. cooking stops.. I dont eat… I cant work.. the children look after themselves…it gets si bad I just go back begging and apologising just so I can function properly and enjoy not feeling so pained. It’s a horrible circle. He gave me an hour long lecture last night on the made up reasons of why I am the one who is destroying us. I just sat cried and agreed until he hugged me and told me I was messed up while kissing my forehead.

[LittleFirefly]

Makes sense.

Sorry learning the rules as I go x

[LittleFirefly]

Found it while researching. It’s strange but its everything I already knew placed nicely in order. In my head it was all just jumbled up mess of words that made no sense other than I was dramatising and exaggerating his actions, again my excuses for his actions. He has no intentions of taking any responsibility so I’m done trying to make him. Actions speak louder than words. My actions. I deserve better and so do my girls xxx

[LittleFirefly]

🤗❤

[LittleFirefly]

You are very welcome. We are not insane that’s all that matters. Apparently once this is identified your strength to end it all gets stronger by the day.. I’m excited for the day I’m emotionally free xxx

[LittleFirefly]

Honestly he is so predictable. Heaven knows why I love him so much. I seem to love him more during no contact. That’s when I flake xxx

[LittleFirefly]

Yes it does escape. One day I will be free from this 🙂 xxx

[LittleFirefly]

Yes it does escape. One day I will be free from this xxx

[LittleFirefly]

Thank you for your reply… I know what I want and what life me and my children could have. I’ve been reading about trauma bonding and I was so relieved that I finally felt like it’s a thing and not something I’m falsely creating in my head that I just cried with relief. I joined here today and wish I’d have done it years ago because even after 12 hours I’m starting to plan my escape xxx

[LittleFirefly]

Thank you I needed to hear this x

[LittleFirefly]

Thank you so much. X

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