LittleMermaid007

[LittleMermaid007]

Your words bring me comfort, thank you so much for sharing this.

I promised myself to listen to my gut more often as every time I didnt I did regret, and my gut says it is time..

I have to remind myself all the horrible things that happened, as right now I get “the love treatment” that really enhances my guilt and makes all good memories to appear..

I been so messed up that my system goes on emergency mode, thinking I m walking straight to uncertainty.

On top my DA Advisor said if I just leave n go to a different council they will not provide emergency housing as I m not claiming universal credit to get the housing benefit.

Things just seem ugly right now, I must say its ok to keep my sanity, a refuge worker called me to ask follow up questions and I m so emotionally loaded I broke into tears on the phone.

Life…

[LittleMermaid007]

How life can be after all this?

I fear the lonely empty quiet space..

I also fear loud noises, crowded spaces etc..

If I leave I think I will go to sleep and wont be able to get off bed for days – my mental health got its challenges

How do I pick up my pieces? Almost all my adult life with that person, 20 calls and messages a day, now if something happen I will have … nobody to call

Why is my mind playing these games? Have I made my own bed? Am I the abuser? I feel like I m losing my mind and I m angry at this little part of me that gets panicked in the thought of getting away from him, says I ll miss him, says I will regret, says I m bad, says I m selfish, a liar, one that pretends everything is ok and then searching for an escape

 

[LittleMermaid007]

Keep us updated on how you getting on.

I hope things are settling there

[LittleMermaid007]

I fear that at times memories from all the years, some bad, some good, will be coming to my mind, and then that knot will come up my chest..

Its how I m feeling right now

I really wish there was a more civilised way to end this, I think I will always carry the guilt of leaving him.

And he gave me a glimpse of how this would be for him, alone, in a flatshare, a foreign country, with no money or dreams, after moving here for me.

It will be a difficult winter…

[LittleMermaid007]

Hello guys,

Reading this, I wanted to reach out and ask what is, if there is, the update on the pets topic, refuges and emergency accommodation.

I ll need to make a move, so far only 1 refuge might accept but wont know until very close to the date I have an opportunity to go.

I cannot be separated from them they are ESA and I m a troubled soul just about making it off bed every day

Short term pet friendly accommodation in reasonable prices? Council emergency accommodation? Any information, I would be grateful

[LittleMermaid007]

Sending love n support vibes, I hope your journey is progressing, you are not alone

[LittleMermaid007]

HelloKitty,

Your post moved me, this uncertainty after beeing assured and feeling supported is devastating, I hope you are somewhere safe with your children.

Sending support vibes

[LittleMermaid007]

Seeing this now, hoping that you are somewhere safe now?

Be strong sending you support

[LittleMermaid007]

Hello EvenSerpentsShine,

 

Thank you so much for sharing this, it does sound very familiar, once I attempted to leave in the past thats exactly what happened, and I, thinking we could have an adult mature civilised break-up, sat down and talked to him about all the fear, the trauma, the scary and controlling behaviours, thinking that if this person loves me as a human being, will understand how unhealthy this is, will see my suffering and let me go, which of course is not what happened, got told I m selfishand that any change I decide to make for my life got a domino effect in his life that will be ruined as wont be able to afford potentially not even shared accommodation at his age (over 50), and in guilt I stayed.

But the control didnt stop, I started just being less provoking, would not go out without him at all, only work as I was working back in the day.

Now I m so broken and my mental health is so bad I had a badi8yfp breakdown after working so much (not to think or really live) and haven’t been able to soon after some incidents (recording my (detail removed by Moderator) – then blamming me about it, was told that I m criptic snd was the only way to understand whats going on in my head).

I have thought about the storage space, see I got so isolated that I got only maybeb1 or 2 friends and they both live hours away as we relocated to a smaller city some years ago, and I didnt want to start Bonding with people while unable to be myself, I avoid bonding and making new friends, I dont feel I can talk about my situation so I feel I d lie to them.

Also, I was shocked with how difficult was for some “friends” in the past, to believe it… when I told things to one I trusted and she got so surprised, supposedly a very good friend of mine, had a very hard time to digest that some people will not believe a word, or think its my fault.

I know in all relationships both parties have responsibility, but I have never blackmailed, violated anyone’s privacy, never tried to stalk or try n track anyone from their “find my phone” functions…

I guess I m scared because I fear it will be very sad and lonely at first, and I m a person that needs to laugh and cry… but with all my struggles I been there for my very few friends, so seeing all these changes is making me go on survival mode, and mine goes along a very sad feeling

[LittleMermaid007]

Thank you so much for sharing, glad for you Happybelle.

Cherries – I cannot relate enough, only while reading your words I realised I m doing the exact same thing, looking at the clock seeing the time with myself going away… mask on

I read it and instantly felt like I was caught up, I m so scared that I will miss him, I m scared of how much more pain leaving will fill my heart with cause I feel already overwhelmed, but I now know that when I say “I reached hard bottom” I actually haven’t abd there s always new lows to reach

I feel like I dissociate, I m watching from outside my body because my heart is permanently dancing in my chest

I know that if I dont cut ties when going there will be big ugly messages of blame, then some nice ones and then some sad ones

I dont know if I can take it, its vety difficult as even though no children there s still pets and share responsibility on a few things after living together for a significant amount of years.

[LittleMermaid007]

So happy to see a positive progress in such though story as yours.

Thank you so much for sharing

[LittleMermaid007]

How the housing lists working? I thought can only apply at one council at a time?

Any advice or information welcome, thank you

[LittleMermaid007]

I get what you talking about, sometimes we closing to be the victim, but it might make me feel better.

I anyway wont take anything he ll miss, my clothes, the pets, my electronic devices.

All furniture, kitchen stuff, appliances etc as well as the vehicle, I m not going to take anything.

Hoping this way I m helping and that I won’t get blamed that I left it all behind for him to sort out 🫩

I m in a permanent state of fear, guilt, panic, horrible self blame that I m lying doing things behind his back

I sometimes fear that from his perspective I am the a*** here

Then one that run away

[LittleMermaid007]

So, except of feeling of guilt, I suppose at least there will be no “missing the days” that i m here n regret?

I fear

[LittleMermaid007]

Hey there,

Thats really helpful, are you happy with the area you are in? Am I right to assume this should be a big council? I was told big councils might be faster n might have options due to potentially bigger demand.

Is it true?

[LittleMermaid007]

Guilt… I cannot remember not having that feeling, people pleasing, yes…

I think as Cherries said, maybe down the line therapy could help with this.

Hoping the same for myself, trauma and PTSD, it ll help.

I m sorry we are going through this.

We are strong and as odd as it might sound, we are not alone.

I m thinking, women we are so strong, where s the secret rescue women society?

[LittleMermaid007]

Hello Ifandwhen,

Thank you so much for your response.

It all feels too much, there is no straight forward answers, every council works differently.

I am overwhelmed 95% of the time.

I dont even know which councils might be good and where or where to go, my local advisor says is best to look for a refuge that would take me in with pets, I so far had one referal and nothing else.

How do I go about the council? Would they turn me down because I dont claim benefits?

Thank you x

[LittleMermaid007]

Thank you so much for taking the time and sharing thoughts and advice.

The part you said ” he ll go to every person in your life…” its so true, once that I made an attempt before this is exactly what happened.

I m thinking as I got isolated enough to only have acquaintances and maybe 1/2 friends it might be better if I just dont say anything to anyone and just disappear.

Would that be out of line?

I honestly dont know how to handle this whole thing, I see no light

[LittleMermaid007]

Its sn estate agent, they haven’t been the most reliable so I dont trust them, thinking maybe might be better if I speak to them after leaving.

I m tearful all day and the guilt is growing the more he treats me well, very similar there on the “mr nice” and the control.

Will I be an absolute victim if I leave some money behind? I mean none of our finances are good but he got no savings at all and will just be left with the house things and a vehicle, I have a small amount of savings and the guilt pushes me to think I should. Would it be passive aggressive? I m thinking way too much…

[LittleMermaid007]

Thank you so much for this, it makes sense.

Sorry it all sound so obvious but when changed cities a few years ago I had to close some n transfer some accounts, for some reason all my worry blurs my thinking.

One safe place I called today said they could take me in but due to my (not high) savings I d have to pay about 1.5k pcm per month on rent plus bills.

Does it then all vary from council to council? About the council properties,  how does this work?

Thank you so much again

[LittleMermaid007]

I m so happy for you.

Apologies for asking all the questions.

Did you block them on social media?

Have he tried to approach ppl you know to try n find you? One time i tried to leave he did in my case.

If you got any experience on leaving in the middle of a private joint tenancy please let me know about this.

Thank you so much, its encouraging to hear there is light on the other side.

I know its not a path of rose petals and glitter, trying to remind myself how strong we are all the time.

[LittleMermaid007]

Thank you so much for sharing this.

I understand, I will always have a pain and guilt, I know it

When you left, did you block all contact? Changed number? Disappeared?

I fear that if I dont he will try to find me and call me and try calling from numbers etc.

I m scared and it sucks

[LittleMermaid007]

I have no job and I will need to start my life over I guess.

My pets are ESA so I m very hesitant to separate from them. An organisation I got some advice from suggested booking a pet friendly airbnb in a different city for 10 days, getting my pets and what else I can, going there and contacting the local council requesting emergency accommodation, is this realistic?

Any help or advice welcome

[Author]

Posts