Lizardlady

[Lizardlady]

Hereforhelp… Same here. Decades married and I’ve only saw it recently. Now I can see nothing else… Everything he does is for his own gratification in some way. Even the nice bits.

[Lizardlady]

Hi chocolatebunnie,
I’m so sorry for your situation.
My perspective is that we’ve been together for decades and I couldn’t see his abusive tactics and behaviour until recently.
Now I have I can’t unsee it and every time I see one of his manipulation tactics it gives me a ball of anxiety where I want to scream I know exactly what you’re doing! I know this is pointless because he twists everything to make himself the victim regardless.
As I have realised more and more I have definitely started to stick up for myself a lot more.
This is why he had his latest outburst because he knew his normal tricks weren’t working on me and it ended in him exploding and me calling the police.
I am stuck in a situation now where the adult kids can’t see through him and feel pressured to take him back once again.
I know I’m definitely on the way out though now there’s nothing to fight for and I know he won’t change so even though I’m staying put for now I have plans for leaving firmly set in place.
Always here for a listening ear
Good luck

[Lizardlady]

Hi Jeeves,
I am in an almost identical situation apart from its he who has gone due to me calling the police.
He’s self reffered to a perpetrator programme and is admitting he’s abusive, he’s sorry and totally broken.
He also seems to think we can get back together because of this and I’m feeling sorry for him because he’s being like a different person.
It’s so confusing and part of me wants to believe him but the other part of me thinks he can’t and won’t change.
I don’t know what I’m going to do tbh.
Just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone and I totally understand how you are feeling.
Lots of love

[Lizardlady]

Hi Twix, it’s so hard isn’t it because you question yourself over whether you’ve done the right thing.
I feel very guilty, especially as he’s playing the victim with my daughter and she believes him.
Can I ask whether you actually pressed charges? I haven’t, but they said cps could still decide to prosecute anyway.
Would you know if this affects the time scale in making a decision?
I’m always here for a chat too if you need an ear. Sending hugs 🥰

[Lizardlady]

Hi everyone,
You’ve all been so wonderful, I’ve felt so alone today and so many worries going around my head.
I am going to call my DV worker in the morning and tell her I don’t want to go ahead with the non mol.
His bail conditions are (detail removed by moderator).
I might ring the police for an update as well tomorrow.
Does anybody know how long the cps roughly take to decide?
I’m also worried about them charging him but it’s not my decision and he has brought all this upon himself.
Main reason is because my adult daughter is very unhappy about me phoning the police so I don’t want to be the cause of any more stress.
Thank you so much everybody

[Lizardlady]

Hi ladies, thanks for replying I really appreciate all the advice I can get.
I really don’t want to go down the non mol route if I’m honest.
I really just want to allow him to move back in after the bail is up and carry through with my own plans to leave myself once my son (detail removed by moderator).
Bit worried about SS getting involved and I won’t let him back if it would compromise my son in any way. My son has high functioning autism would this change anything?
I know i sound pathetic, but I do get that he’s an abuser it’s just I feel this is the only way I can do it.
His bail says till (detail removed by moderator) does this mean he’s allowed at the house after this date or do I need to wait for the police to contact me?
Thank you all for being so kind and understanding

[Lizardlady]

Hi Twix, thank you so much for replying.
I totally get his behaviour is abusive, I also believe he would not physically harm me or my son.
He’s never threatened me verbally, just shouts and he has never hit me, just breaks things and disappears.
I was also wondering whether social services would be involved with my son being (detail removed by moderator)?
I definitely have a plan to leave, I’m just not in the right place right now and would rather do it my own way. This does mean me letting him move back home for the time being and acting normal while making plans without him knowing.
This feels like the only way for me as I am totally alone apart from my son and feel I need support around me, that being me staying with this person in the other city.
It’s the first time I’ve reported his behaviour and I’m feeling pressured to take out a non mol.
Can I just tell my DV worker all of this and will she support my decision?
Thank you so much

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