marmite3

[marmite3]

Thanks so much for your reply, Lottieblue. I think you are right. While there were times when he became angry in the past, and I can now see how jealous and resentful he was of my Dad and friends/family, his anger was never a huge part of our life before. When we had a family ( which he never wanted) a few years ago, he struggled with depression and left his job, and I think that was the turning point when he looked for someone to blame his loss of control on – and he began aggressively targeting me with his venom. I am so thankful that I researched his actions earlier this year and saw his behaviour for what it is. I am getting out, and difficult as it will be, I will be free of him soon. xx

[marmite3]

Thanks so much for all the replies and information – it is extremely helpful in trying to navigate through all this. I value this forum and it’s members so much in helping me to regain and retain my sanity. xx

[marmite3]

LozzyX, Thanks so much for the book recommendation. I have ordered it. Having recently watched lots online and researched (detail removed by Moderator) more fully, i am astounded that I didn’t see it before. As soon as I started saying no or challenging him on anything, the abuse started. I then found out about all the lies and his secret life away from us. Even the endless promises that he would spend time with us as a family, but, of course, never did. He is now furiously online dating/love bombing my replacement as he fears abandonment so much. We are mid-divorce, and I’m resolute that I am getting out. And I am going to read, read, read so I don’t fall for another (detail removed by Moderator) individual like this ever again. Good luck in your situation too. xx

[marmite3]

Thanks for the reply. It does help to know that others understand and empathise. It can be so confusing when someone is hurting you but they are blaming you for it all. This forum and the people who post help to remind me I am sane, and strong, and will get through to a better place. You will too. xx

[marmite3]

Thanks for your reply, Umberella. It helps to know I’m not alone. The divorce proceedings just seem to take an age, and he is messaging other women and looking at dating sites in front of me all the time. It is a truly depressing situation, but I hang on to the hope that a peaceful life will come to us when he does eventually leave. Good luck in your situation too. xx

[marmite3]

Thanks for the reply. I have told a neighbour, so my child has a safe place to go if/ when there is shouting, a work colleague and one family member, but my husband is actively blaming me to family members, making up lies about my ‘nastiness’ to him and asking them not to contact me.

I feel very torn, as I want them to know the truth, but I also want to be true to myself, be the bigger person and avoid joining his manipulative games.

I guess I just have to hope that they will see through his behaviour. xx

[marmite3]

Thank you for the reply, advice and encouragement. Wishing you lots of love and strength. xx

[marmite3]

Thanks so much for the reply. It is very helpful, and gives me courage to go on. xx

[marmite3]

Thanks for the positive reply, Bananaboat. It is good to know your kids think you did the right thing. I need to put away my guilt that it will hurt the kids, and make the break to make all our lives better. x

[marmite3]

Thanks so much for the reassurance, Hereforhelp. I guess I hoped he would see what he has been doing, and regret his actions, but instead, he is lying to family members and asking them not to contact me, and says things like ‘I’m sorry to say it but you have always thought too much of yourself’ and I ‘haven’t valued and respected him enough.’ I feel like I have failed in loving someone so underserving, who just wants to bring me down. I can’t change the past – and I think I stayed too long – but now the scales have fallen from my eyes, I can change my future. x

[Author]

Posts