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I’m so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. My husband was also paranoid about what I was doing and tried to control me with threats and psychological abuse. It took me months to break free, and didn’t manage it on the first attempt, as he persuaded me to go back. So I saw a counsellor and realised I hadn’t done anything wrong by just living my life. She helped me ‘parallel plan’, I saved up, found somewhere to rent, started storing things at friends and at work and finally managed to move out, I admitted to people what was happening to me and asked for help and everyone believed me and helped so much. It takes time. But within 24 hours I felt such relief and knew I’d done the right thing. I then accessed behind closed doors to help me stay away. It’s hard but you can do it, you are strong enough to survive abuse, so you are strong enough to break free. Believe in yourself, but don’t be hard on yourself for doing what you need to do to manage your situation, or if you don’t succeed first time.

[Mini]

Yes take one day at a time, one moment at a time even. The good ones start to become more and more frequent. Do what you love, even if thats hard to do, take time for yourself, choose what you want to do and when you want to do it, because you are in control now and you can. Always remember how strong and brave you are to both live with the abuse and then to take yourself out of the situation. It’s hard to find yourself again, but I’m 9 months on and I think I might know who I am again now. Its worth keeping going, it does get better and easier.

[Mini]

Hi Everyone, I can relate to what you are experiencing. I’m just beginning to come to this realisation myself, one of my friends, sister and counsellor have suggested I am suffering emotional abuse, but I still think that I’m partly responsible, I say things back to defend myself that must hurt. I wonder if I should just just toughen up as I’m lucky, I have no children, my own money and a good job, so question is it really abuse when he blames me for all our arguments, blames me for when he threatens to leave, picks an argument everytime I plan something for me, then says he doesn’t care what I do. He says he has to walk on egg shells, but threatened to smash up the dishwasher and washing machine if I touch anything in it he has put there. He accuses me of making secret phonecalls and wonders why when he criticises things I say to my family and friends. I now don’t have my phone with me on an evening or answer calls as there will be a comment or question about what I am doing.

[Mini]

Thanks everyone for sharing. I’ve had my first experience of my husband being nasty to me after saying no to sex, claiming that I constantly reject him. He is now saying that our marriage is over. I started to wish I’d said yes, but you have helped me realise that isn’t the answer.

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