Moongazer

[Moongazer]

Stay strong Bluebirds!

I’m in a similar position to you. Have recently ended the relationship, and also recently read the book by Lundy Bancroft. In the same way as you recognised parts of your relationship from the book, I did too. And, as you say; once you see it, you can’t unsee it. That’s our cue to get away.

Its taken me a long time to even realise that what I was experiencing was abuse. But now I’ve admitted it to myself, I feel I need to try and stay strong.

We all do if we are to move forwards and away from the abuse.

[Moongazer]

Hi Rosemary and Lavender

Hope you are still doing well. I also fairly recently got out of an abusive relationship. It’s still early days, but I really want to stay strong and not buckle under when he tries to turn on the charm, like he has done in the past. I’ve done quite a bit of reading around the subject of domestic abuse, and patterns etc, to look out for. I think that is helping me to stick to my resolve.

 

best wishes from

Moongazer

[Moongazer]

Hi Hazydayz

Think I am probably in the same boat as you! Have recently left an abusive relationship and am looking for some support. Friends are thin on the ground these days.  Have reached that crossroads and turned down the single life lane. But not sure where that lane will take me. It’s a bit scary and can feel lonely too.

Let’s hope we both find what we need to help us along.

Sending you lots of strong, positive thoughts.

Moongazer

 

[Moongazer]

Hope you’re still doing ok.. Well done for getting away.

[Moongazer]

I can relate to what you have described. He doesn’t sound like someone who wants to sort things out, unless that involves your feelings not being considered. My partner would just talk at me, often not really saying anything that was relevant to the original disagreement. But as soon as I tried to say anything, he would shut me down or just not respond to me or get into a huge rage. And then would tell me that we are going round in circles and the conversation was pointless. I would end up getting exhausted with the whole thing and just agree with him to put an end to it.

[Moongazer]

Hello Bluetriangle
I can relate to the things you describe. So sorry you are going through this. I am too, and I wish I had some answers. I have waves of feeling the same as you about wanting to maybe ‘try again’. But I feel like I need to try and stay strong and consistent, because this keeps happening and will only happen again if I go back into the situation.
I wish for you (and myself), the strength to stay strong and move forward without the abusive person in our lives.
Best wishes
Moongazer

[Moongazer]

 

Hi Littlepixie

I read your post about feeling like a failure, and it really resonated with me.

I think this site is so useful for helping us to realise we are not the only one who feels the way we do.

I also feel like I’ve failed at life. I haven’t managed to have what I would consider a successful relationship with a man at all in my life. In fact, I think I’ve nearly given up. Although being single forever is a scary thought for me. But, I think one of my problems is that I’ve not been single for more (detail removed by Moderator) weeks since I was (detail removed by Moderator). And it’s time for me (at the age of (detail removed by Moderator)!) to spend some time alone.

I hope you are managing to stay strong and safe. I’ve been out of my (detail removed by Moderator) year abusive relationship since (detail removed by Moderator), and I’m still struggling with an emotional rollercoaster going on in my head. Sometimes feeling pleased with myself for finally getting away, but a lot of the time feeling very low and sad. Its difficult, isn’t it?

Take care. Sending positive thoughts to you.

[Moongazer]

Hi Hazydayz

It has taken a long time for me to reach the point you talk of; when you feel like you have been pointed in the right direction.

For me, it has taken over a year of therapy to reach an understanding where I know I have to get out or I’ll just keep going around in the same awful cycle.

You are right; it’s not plain sailing. And I keep having wobbles and tears. There are weak moments, where I feel like I just want to talk to him again. But, so far (this time at least), I have managed to stay no contact. And once the ‘urge’ passes, I feel pleased that I managed it.

I’m a long way from being home, and I don’t know where that will be. But it surely has to be better than being in the relationship I was in.

Look after yourself.

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