oh dear

[oh dear]

I have been feeling very much like you. I am depressed and crying so much, anxiety is constant and definitely worse in the mornings. I have been married decades and (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago life was dandy until I started to suspect infidelity, he confessed and said it was just words by text. For the past (detail removed by Moderator) weeks I have been in total shock and his behaviour has become extremely abusive day in day out. I retreated to another part of the house. He has taunted me regarding the womens beauty compared to mine and called me countless vile names. He started therapy (detail removed by Moderator) and told me the therapist agreed with him that I was to blame for his infidelities !!! Obviously I know that is rubbish but what hurts is the fact that this man who is meant to be my protector is smashing my life to pieces, it hurts so much.
I have involved the police as the name calling was sick and abusive and (detail removed by Moderator) was D Day for me, I will never ever go back with him again. Years of abusive comments, cruel put downs, gritting teeth in my face when I refused to be obedient. He is a covert Narcissist and I have all the symptoms of ptsd. I am arranging a std test (detail removed by Moderator), house is going on the market and I am going to learn my rights. I am crumbling and some days my legs feel like they are going to give out on me but I am going to be free. I hope this helps you somewhat to know you are not alone x

[oh dear]

Thank you nbumblebee
I just want to say that I don’t really have courage, I wish I did. I think I draw strength from realising I have been emotionally abused and for me it helped as for many many years I believed him in the fact that I was emotionally unstable, he was very kind towards me when I was having panicky episodes ect and that made me believe he was the nicest guy on earth. I think a telling sign is that I noticed over the years that I didn’t feel safe around him and yet I adored him it really did confuse me. For a while now I have been observing patterns in his behaviour and it has become so much worse with almost a total disregard for me. He can tell me about his day and when I start to tell him about mine he just turns and walks away. It was never like this before. He is very agitated most of the time and there are a few other things that I can’t say but for some time I had been wondering if he has the start of dementia and I am still on the fence with that one. He was once a lovely man but not anymore.
I am very busy clearing the clutter for the best part of the day and it helps as I seem to have morning anxiety and I also feel surges of anger for not only the betrayal but also the way he dismisses it. I am trying to find a local therapist that has experience of this field. I may also need to get the police to have a word with him if he continues to harass and abuse me in my own home, its something I thought about in the past but didn’t see it through. I also have these overwhelming episodes where my stomach churns at the thought of him with another woman as it will definitely happen and this is a biggie for me and i am hoping to learn some coping skills. xx

[oh dear]

Thank you Darcy for the welcome and also advice. At the moment I have retreated as much as possible because he just keeps saying ”why cant you just stop this for F sake I have said I’m sorry” and now I am getting between (detail removed by Moderator) texts a day mainly begging for forgiveness with the odd angry vile one thrown in. I am not responding as it goes round in circles, I suggest he has some counselling, he refuses saying he doesnt need it, I explain his behaviour is damaging others and it might help us all if he had some therapy and he refuses shifts the blame towards me and gets angry or extremely depressed. I am lost for words or emotions. I am decluttering our home ready to put the house on the market and I secured a full time job which starts soon. Its at this point I usually start to crumble, I get scared he may do something stupid, I end up feeling sorry and a little guilty maybe and my worst feeling is fear of being alone and that I am making a terrible mistake. I’m living on youtube at the moment trying to gleep some therapy for myself xx

[oh dear]

Hi
I would say well done for starting a good plan to take yourself forward. I went and worked in a local charity shop for 6 months and then found paid employment. I was simply the best thing I ever did for my self esteem after years of EB in my marriage. Charity shops are always crying out for staff xx

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