SleeplessNights123

[SleeplessNights123]

You are not to blame for any of his behaviour. It sounds like you are being incredibly strong right now, as you always have been. Try and cling onto that strength and leave, and know you are doing the right thing. You deserve to feel safe, loved and cherished. No one deserves to be abused.

I am proud of you x

[SleeplessNights123]

Hey lovely,

I really think sometimes it is easy for us that have experienced DV to start to doubt ourselves and our gut feelings. It is easy to just think we have trust issues, or we are overthinking – because we’ve been programmed to doubt ourselves through so much gaslighting and abuse!

But what he has done there is a red flag, and your instincts and gut are telling you something isn’t right – trust yourself. He is using a very sneaky manipulation technique that is designed to make you feel thankful for his attention, all the while pushing yourself to compete with these unknown women. All it does it breed jealousy, paranoia and an attachment to a man that isn’t healthy.

My ex abuser used to do that same thing. There was always some ex or some woman that was trying to pursue him, or he would always remind me that he could have run away with his ex, but he chose me. As if I was supposed to be grateful! But – I was, I wanted to prove to him that I was worthwhile, so I let him walk all over me. That is how it works.

You are worth more than this, I honestly would just trust yourself here. One thing I have learnt is that I am not in control of how people react to me setting boundaries and being honest, so long as I am truthful and respectful. Perhaps tell him that you see this as a red flag, be honest and calm and kind, but be upfront. If he reacts with decency and made a clear mistake, maybe this would be okay. If he reacts badly to you setting boundaries and expressing you you feel, well that tells you all you need to know. Honestly, after I learnt that I can actually use my voice, say what I am thinking, say the word ‘no’, I felt some of my power come back.

Good luck to you hun, keep us updated! <3

[SleeplessNights123]

That makes a lot of sense. It is so strange how triggers can just keep appearing even when you think you know them all, or have a handle on them.

I am not currently having any counselling. I did have around 6 weeks of EMDR therapy before, but I am wondering if I should maybe try having some sort of talking therapy again. I am just never sold on CBT!

I definitely think lavender is a good call, it is always a smell that makes me think of my mum which is really calming. I will try that.

Thank you, and I hope you are okay too xx

[SleeplessNights123]

Thank you for this reminder. I think it is important to remember that we are in control now, we have our power and our voices back. Sometimes when I feel small and beaten down, I need to remember to remind myself of this x

[SleeplessNights123]

That sounds like such a stressful situation 🙁 I am so sorry! I think sometimes it can definitely feel that those who are supposed to protect us in law enforcement are against us, especially when the outcome of a case doesn’t go the way you think it would. I would perhaps seek support through some different charities and organisations if you still need it lovely!

But you are definitely right – you need to look to the future to find joy for yourself. Too much of our lives are spent on giving energy to these men!xx

[SleeplessNights123]

I think it is definitely a long road to getting better, but it is one that has an end, where we can move forward. We all have that strength inside of us. I am so glad you are better nowadays, and that you are focusing on the good to come. Remember it is also okay to have bad days too, we are allowed to acknowledge that too xx

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