sweet freedom

[sweet freedom]

I agree with what everyone has said and maybe its time to ‘fix you’ and concentrate on yourself and healing yourself. I do understand – at one time you adored this man I remember the early days of my relationship when we were very much in love – it was very brief until what I now realise were subtle coercive behaviour installing itself. No one who loves someone would ever hurt them, these men want to dominate, control and hurt us, thats not love, thats something twisted and bad. Let it go and start looking out for yourself.

[sweet freedom]

hi Luckycat

You are feeling so shocked because you cant believe it happened to you, I remember being in shock for a year after the relationship ended, how could I let myself be involved in that?

Its very natural, the onset of coercive control is so slow and insidious that you hardly notice it, and when you do they smooth over it, making you feel that you are being paranoid. Please take time to take care of you, try and arrange some counselling, talking to someone who isn’t involved in your life is actually very liberating and can put things into perspective and make you realise how extraordinarily brave you are!

[sweet freedom]

I am over 50, and I know Im still broken by what happened, I have massive trust issues, with friends – if you let me down just over something really small it feels like the end of the world because I trusted you. I was controlled for years and the weird thing is that I didnt even know what was happening, its so slow and its “im just making sure you’re alright” and you feel bad because hes so caring isn’t he?
The birth of our child really made it worse, before it had been so subtle that I didnt even notice it till years later, he was jealous as the child was of course my focus,(same with all mums) he never stopped being jealous, treating me like a 1950’s housewife despite the fact id just had a baby and was barely coping, it was all my fault. AS the child grew older it became physical and the child witnessed one time my head was cut open as I was thrown off the bed, the child didnt tell me till years later, and I burst into tears ashamed.
Its a mind control the way I thought it was all my fault, I still think I was at fault in some ways, the child saw a school counsellor over anxiety problems and asked my permission to say exactly what had been happening and I said yes and that was it, the headmaster called me to one side at school leaving time and the ex had to go. Its weird how that person that you feared, the person you felt like you were stepping on eggshells around the whole time, suddenly seemed deflated, beaten down. I am lucky that he cared enough not to try and get any revenge for my new found freedom or maybe he had realised that he wasnt going to win.

Freedom was very bizarre, me and the child sneaking out the back door to go to school and work because he still had a front door key and we bolted it to stop him coming in. (detail removed by moderator) years later I am happy, so incredibly happy I can never trust anyone ever again and never have dated/had relationships etc I want to stay single for the rest of my life, child is an adult and still having anxiety problems but is so amazing. Child sees dad a few times and we have family do’s etc, he hates that I am strong and happy but he is too selfish to do anything to me, he did try and commit suicide a few years later but rang me as soon as he had taken the tablets so I was able to get help.

People judge DV survivors I feel and say ‘why didnt you just leave’ – they dont understand so I am careful who I tell, as if it was as easy as – just leave!!!!!

[Author]

Posts