unicornsarelovely

[unicornsarelovely]

Hi an update (detail removed by moderator), very surprised but I can move forward and finally get some progress not just for my sanity but also my daughters. Thank you for all your replies and support. Hopefully my story will help others not give up on getting the help they need.

[unicornsarelovely]

Hi No I never reported him to the police although on a few times came close, but due to his profession I felt I couldn’t contact the police. Plus I guess when your living with emotional abuse you on’t realise until after the event.

[unicornsarelovely]

It’s ok. Why don’t you get a friend or relative to listen to your voicemail, they can tell you if it’s anything important that you need to action and delete it for you. If it’s him having a go though keep it as evidence.

[unicornsarelovely]

I agree you do need counselling, you also need to allow yourself to grieve. He may have been your abuser but you still had a relationship together and him passing away leaves you questions that can’t be answered. Grief is about a loss, you have lost your abuser and in that comes so many emotions, especially at special times like birthdays and anniversaries, as you will try and remember the good times, which can be heart breaking. Be kind to yourself.

[unicornsarelovely]

My doctor said that she’s approached the practice leaders and still won’t do the letter. My solicitor is going to email my GP but I’m not very hopeful.

Thank you for your replies means a lot!

[unicornsarelovely]

Hi
How long ago was this? As you can only get legal aid if there’s domestic abuse now and on low income.

[unicornsarelovely]

I really hope that you find the strength to ring the domestic violence helpline. You did nothing wrong!!! He won’t change and next time he gets in a rage it could be fatal.

Speak to your family and get out of there, you deserve so much better than living in fear of being physically attacked. He may not have meant for you to hit your head, but he was still hitting and screaming at you in a very vulnerable state, while you were barely conscious. Your family wouldn’t want you to be in this situation and I’m sure they will help you get out and stay safe.

Hugs and strength sent in bucket loads x

[unicornsarelovely]

What ever you do, don’t put up with it. Like the others have said speak to women’s aid and get a solicitor. You can get emergency occupancy orders and non-molestation orders. What he did was wrong full stop, and your children witnessing it is also abuse. I’m sorry the police dealt with it terribly but I have very little faith in the police personally, however the fact that you have logged it means you have evidence of both physical and controlling violence, so you should be able to get legal aid. If you can move to a family member or friend do so for a few days until you get the orders in place, plus you need the support. Please keep us up to date with your progress. Your not alone!!!

[unicornsarelovely]

Hi, you will be OK take things one day at a time. Perhaps see your GP about your mind racing. One thing for sure it’s normal to feel the way you do. I understand your frustrations totally, the extra financial pressure of not working puts even more strain. This forum is great for support and seeing your not alone.
I’ve started giving myself targets to achieve each day, they’re only minor things like pay a bill or hoover up, but I feel slightly better once I’ve achieved something in the day.

[unicornsarelovely]

Hugs to you all!!

My darling daughter isn’t wanting to see her dad either. She is scared of him turning up unannounced and “kicking off at me”. She doesn’t like his partner because when she stayed at his house his partner would argue with her dad over petty things and slam doors making my daughter feel unsafe. My daughter is too scared to tell her dad this and I can’t say anything as he already blames me for him not seeing her and will just kick off at me. He’s very passive aggressive and manipulative. Whenever he’s spoken about our daughter he will always make a point of saying “my daughter”. I know from my daughter that he’s bad mouthed me and called me a bad mother, which is very upsetting for her and makes me feel angry as I always regardless of his behaviour tell her that her dad loves her and if ever she wanted to see him I would arrange it to suit her, she’s (detail removed by moderator) so knows her own mind. My daughter had refused to go to (removed by moderator) with him and his partner, so I just think no child will refuse that without good reason.

My daughter has had a mobile ever since he left so that he could contact her without my involvement he very rarely contacts her and expects her to contact him. This upsets her as she wants contact but she doesn’t want to spend time with him at his house. The problem is if I did arrange for him to see her, he would push for more and put her on the spot, leaving my daughter feeling torn between us and scared of what he’s going to say or do. It’s heart breaking, I want my daughter to have the nice loving relationship I had with my dad, but that’s not going to happen and when I’ve tried telling him he’s got defensive and turned it around on me.

Why do they do this to beautiful innocent children!!!

[unicornsarelovely]

I understand the physical impact when I have any contact with ex, it can be text, email anything my heart sinks and I fill with dread. If I actually see him my chest goes tight and I’m on edge, can’t think straight, if he starts getting agitated my body will actually go into a spasm getting pins and needles throughout my spine. I hate what he does to me and I feel angry with myself for not being able to control it. I feel like no one understands. Luckily at the moment contact is only via email, but even that has me on edge.

[unicornsarelovely]

Hi I was directed to this site by the helpline. I too have found it very useful and in a way validates what I have been through throughout my marriage and I what I’m still experiencing after we split up.
Have you looked into other housing? as I feel (removed by moderator) months is a long time to be in that situation, I hope there is some other way you can move on without having to wait all that time. Good luck x

[unicornsarelovely]

Hi I’m in a similar situation. I have a solicitor and she wanted my GP to write a letter so I can get legal aid problem is my GP won’t do the letter as it states domestic violence but emotional abuse isn’t violence. I can’t afford solicitors fees as I’ve been on a low income since my ex left almost (detail removed by Moderator) ago, but he’s got a solicitor so now I have to have one for divorce, financial settlement and child access issues. My solicitor can not do anything until she can open a file but I can’t get the funding. I have bad credit so a loan isn’t an option, friends and family can’t help and there isn’t any money to be had by a financial settlement from my point of view, not sure about my ex. The problem is the family home is in negative equity but my ex wants off the mortgage, so he is trying to get me and our daughter out so he can take it over and then sell. We don’t want to move out of the family home, and I know we don’t have to but the emotional torment is that it’s what he wants for his own selfish gains, which hurts. I feel like he still has control over me. I don’t need legal advice, I need them to be able to act and negotiate with my ex’s solicitor.

Sorry for the ramble, if anyone has any pearls of wisdom in this situation.

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