Whites1

[Whites1]

Me again…
Having a wobble today and feeling extremely low about my current situation. It’s gone from aggressive to now passive aggressive as he hasn’t spoke to me because of the social workers unannounced visit, saying that I’ve changed my attitude towards him. I tried to talk as the silence and death stares was driving me mad. He said (detail removed by moderator) and then brings up the police incident again saying (detail removed by moderator). (this is the usual vile stuff that spills out his mouth, mocking the situation) when I told him that he does not respect me or my feelings. I usually brush it off and come across quite hard faced but I absolutely crumbled and was heightened with intense emotion. I removed myself and sat in another room, still upset and tearful. Then I hear him laughing and joking with the kids, they are completely unaware of what he has just said as they where not in the house at the time. I feel like he is trying to turn them against me or something. How can someone just change their behaviour so quickly from vile to nice and I’m sitting here in absolute anguish about the whole ordeal. Then the kids are thinking il keep out of mums way cos she’s moody again. It’s so frustrating.

 

[Whites1]

I can’t say I have but I will have a little search up later. She sounds amazing.
Looks like my boy is pretty much doomed then… both his grandads and his father are alcoholics. The only male role models he has apart from my siblings who surprise surprise I no longer am in contact with. No family, very few friends, different county. I often think why have I done this to myself, you know isolated myself….

[Whites1]

DIymum@1- you have really hit the nail on the head with this one…for me anyway. All the this unnecessary behaviour to get what you want. I have in the past thought I wish I could be as forthcoming as he is becos unfortunately I’m a bit of a people pleaser and find it hard to say NO.This has opened my eyes up to soooo much of his behaviour. I know what he does but understanding why he does it I never have….until now.

[Whites1]

I think the light bulb moment was definitely when he said about not returning my son. I think it bought back memories of when he done it the first time too me. My boy was just a babe in arms. It was so traumatic for me prob becos he was a new baby and I was soo protective of him and unsettled in my environment at the time, well and ever since really. It was right then when I thought that’s it enough I can’t do this. Plus it was the 2nd time that week he was violent towards me. I even showed the police the bruises and frictions burns up my arm from the previous assault, I even tried jumping out of a moving vehicle when the assault took place.I just thought what the hell am I doing. Actually willing to risk my life and hurt my own self. But even that didn’t make me reach for help.

“Entitled attitude” just that right there rings a bell. He believes everyone owes him something, wants everything handed on a plate and when people do not play to his tune he turns nasty, aggressive. Whether that be with me, or even a complete stranger. He is so disgusting he even spat through a (detail removed by moderator) window recently because he failed to (detail removed by moderator)!! I thought what a dirty animal and also cowardly I thought well least it’s not aimed at me! Little did I know how he would react when I got home and told him how I felt about it. Entitlement right there like he owns the road or he’s more important so they should stop for him or something.

[Whites1]

Diymum@1- I have been keeping my own records, lots of intimidating, abusive messages and threats about people close to me. I have sent them to a secure source for a later date. I’ve also been photocopying documents like marriage certificate ect.. all my important documents are in an accessible place to get to when I need them… passports, birth certificates..

I haven’t come across EI?? And I will defo read up on the Lundy Bancroft piece So thank you.

[Whites1]

Thankyou diymum@1. It is totally what I need to hear. I’m still in the denial stage I think. I’ve had no support from the police and the social services are a complete waste of time. They turned up at the door unannounced, a reckless thing to do in my eyes if they have been notified of the situation and the violence. I tried to rearrange our appointment. But my husband came home early from work. I tried to discreetly message saying it was not a good time and straight away they was calling my mobile. I will give women’s aid a call very soon and have a chat about my options. I think I’m finally ready to leave….I’m soooo done.

[Whites1]

WIML- Hi I’m new to the forum. Have been taking my time reading all these topics as I think I’m still in the denial stage of whether or not it’s even abuse. I can so relate to the whole time of the month thing, like clock work I’m the moody one and i feel like I constantly get ridiculed for it. I too have the fact that I was on anti depressants after giving birth. He found me rocking in the corner of the bedroom one evening and phoned my doctor. I can never live this down, it is used as a weapon and like he is a hero. He has even gone as far to take my child away from me for (detail removed by moderator) days after an argument because apparently I can’t cope, I’m a mess… blah blah blah. It’s not that I can’t cope with my children, it’s him I cannot cope with.

[Whites1]

Wow. Sunflower1. Your story sounds so similar to mine. They act so oblivious don’t they. Like the time before our last big altercation he was so stressed with work and debts he took it out on me. Then the next week when he’s decided to be nice and gets me on side obv because of the crap he caused he starts banging on about redecorating (detail removed by moderator) and stuff. Don’t get it at all tbh. But I’m slowly learning. He knows I’m extremely unhappy although I’m bored of keep going through it with him because he just tries to justifies his actions all the time. My H too refuses to leave as he says there is no way I’m going back to my parents but then expects to live with me until god knows when. Telling me how things are gonna work. He don’t take me seriously at all then uses the charm or the guilt to get his way again.

 

[Whites1]

Hi Diymum1- so I’ve just spent a few hours reading some of that why does he do it, that you recommended. Omg! Such an insight into the world of an abuser. It has really validated what I already sort of new but has helped me pin point exact behaviours and has so helped me better understand. Especially the Varying faces of one man part….. Feeling really positive and enlightened tonight. I thank you for all your support.

I also watched a video about that amazing lady on utube. Something stuck out to me that I never have thought before… she says violence is like an addiction, even for the abused, addicted to the trauma and carnage it creates. That’s why you cannot leave. I so get that in a really obscure way.

[Whites1]

Hey Sunflower1- thanks for the response. I’m glad to hear you are making plans to get out as am I. I totally sympathise with you on this one. To me it’s like they have no more rocks to throw and he has already done so much damage. I’m like a walking shell of nothingness. So what’s left after that’s all gone, oh yeah use my son as a weapon. Which let’s be honest only hurts and unsettles the child, in the end.

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