Xyz123

[Xyz123]

Aw KIP and efcharisto , thank you so so much for your kind help.

I’m recognising that this recovery is not like other break ups you think you’re through the worst then you can become triggered- as happened yesterday.

My foundations are rocky and unstable but I’m building but I guess in this fragile state you can be easily destabilised and it’s like you say KIP it’s about growing new pathways in your mind.

Thank you both so much xxx

[Xyz123]

Thank you so much for your reply – yes you can absolutely see how this becomes peoples’ reality it’s insidious

[Xyz123]

I have just come out of a relationship with a covert abuser- I am trying to put together my life again – discovering the type of individual he is has been one of the most disorienting distressing times in my life.
A truly truly dangerous individual
Key traits of key events for me were

Lovebombing, mirroring, creating a shared vision first (detail removed by moderator) months

After this ‘ideal’ start I felt a sense of danger and fragility in the relationship

Me repeatedly trying to leave (detail removed by moderator) times in (detail removed by moderator) months but being Hoovered back in

Unpredictable changes in his Jekyll and Hyde personality

A pattern of grooming and destabilisation

Very sensitive to criticism

Making all criticisms about you but taking responsibility when that suited his endgame

High sense of drama that was intoxicating

Describing the connection as drug like or voodoo

Getting over the ending is beyond the usual hard time it is brutal – I felt attached to him by a system of invisible threads that made no sense until I realised the insidious control.

Other things that came out

Leading a double life

Adult children have chosen to have nothing to do with him

Alcoholic

Chronic debt problems for years

Use of prostitutes

He met both previous partners online – they were newly separated had small children, settlements and property one was pregnant after (detail removed by moderator) months together with the other Moved in after (detail removed by moderator) months and declared bankruptcy a month later.

The list goes on and on

If you’ve never been in this situation it’s so difficult to comprehend the effect. It is brainwashing ,Stockholm syndrome, cult type tactics

Much love to all of you xxx

Elaborate lies

[Xyz123]

Finding out he was leading a double life and his ex /not ex shared stories.

That was the obvious ending but the real endin came after feeling the psychological vortex I slipped into when I saw him a month later (for me to get closure) I knew that I was feeling a lot more than just shock abs upset at the relationship ending I felt invisible threads holding me captive to him and we were in different cities. This was an aha moment and the more I read the more i got it – unfortunately lots don’t get if . It is brainwashing, techniques used in cults- lots of perfect affection in first 3 months then a sense of destabilisation age fragility and slight danger crept in I saw flashes of a v different person. I left him after (detail removed by moderator) months as all trust was gone but he’d got me and it was only a matter of days before I was sucked back in , I left 7 times but found myself back there I told myself that I was making the choice but I wasn’t. I would describe the dynamic as voodoo like being on drugs there was a control outwith me. His partner of (detail removed by moderator) years must have been so run down he is a predator and parasite preying on newly separated women with kids and assets the same pattern over again .

These people are incredibly dangerous

[Xyz123]

This is so right speak to women’s aid they were brilliant with my situation of covert abuse which no one gets – I went to the police who were useless – I made a complaint and felt heard .

Women’s aid know that abuse takes on so many forms .

I encourage everybody to raise awareness of covert emotional abuse it is hidden destabilising uses brainwashing as a technique – it is utter utter Hell to break free from

Best wishes x

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