Babs

[Babs]

Thank you TS. I have practiced self care today and feel so much better. I really appreciate you taking the time to answer my post and you’ve confirmed everything I have been thinking. I take great strength from the knowledge that he has absolutely no idea who he is dealing with now, as since the day he left I have regrown my wings and am more confident than I have been for decades.

[Babs]

I feel such relief having read the replies to this brilliant post. It’s less than a year since my ex walked out and despite the initial sadness and shock and generally unpleasantness of going through a divorce, my life has never been better. Being with another man is honestly the last thing on my mind. I cannot ever imagine wanting, let alone trusting another man. And I am enjoying rediscovering myself far too much to want to jeopardise this freedom I now have. It’s reassuring to know how I’m feeling is perfectly normal!

[Babs]

All the best StrongLife. I hope it went well and has been of help.

[Babs]

Happy Galentines Day Weak Link! I’m proud to be celebrating the day with my daughter, teaching her that we don’t need men, or anyone else come to that, to make us happy. Girl Power rules in our house! Wishing you all the best x

[Babs]

Thank you @watersprite. I remember crying silent tears on many occasions during my marriage. I didn’t want him to see my weakness as I knew it would be ammunition for him. My life is so much better without him, but sometimes knowing that isn’t always enough to keep the sadness at bay.

[Babs]

Whatever you’re feeling, know that’s it’s ok to have those feelings. In the first couple of weeks after my husband walked out I missed him so badly. I missed talking to him. We were together 24/7 and suddenly overnight he was gone.

Thankfully in time those feelings passed. The day he left I started a ‘silver linings’ list. Even now when I’m feeling sad, or overwhelmed, I read that list to remind me of all the good things I now have in my life. Although to be honest, my (removed by moderator) told me today he thinks the term ‘silver linings’ is incorrect. He says the positive changes in my life are so monumental ‘silver linings’ underplays how bad things were before and just how far I’ve come, and grown since the night my ex left.

As the weeks pass it really does get easier. Be kind to yourself and never lose sight of how far you’ve come x

[Babs]

Thank you Bananaboat and Watersprite. As suspected my tears have gone today, and one day I hope he occupies less space in my head. He really doesn’t deserve any of my time or energy. Hopefully my brain will realise that soon!

Here’s to a better 2023 for us all x

[Babs]

I’m sorry this happened to you today Starting-again. But well done for not letting his actions spoil your day. The knowing he’s with someone else can be hard to accept, but what has helped me is realising that he’s going to treat his new woman exactly the same as he did me. And that eventually he’ll do the same to her as he has done to you. He’s not your problem any more, but she’s going to face all the pain he caused you too. That’s my way of dealing with it. Realising that because he is an abuser, also means I know that whatever I had done would never have been enough for him. I could not have prevented him from leaving. And to be honest I am glad he has gone. Our Christmas Day today was the most relaxed I’ve had for years. Just me and my children. It was bliss.

I hope you’re able to put this behind you and enjoy the rest of the Christmas holiday.

[Babs]

Pink jackets, firstly well done for leaving. That shows great strength. I understand that feeling of wanting to contact him. I really missed that contact with my husband after he left me. I was so used to chatting all day every day to him and it was so hard. I missed him so much. But as the weeks passed that desire lessened.

Then my eyes were opened to the fact I had been in an abusive relationship and everything started to make more sense. I also realised my health was better now his toxic behaviour was no longer dictating how I felt.

It takes time but you will get there. Understanding how their mind works also helps in your processing of what has happened to you. Nothing you did would ever have been good enough. You could not have changed the outcome.

Keep strong, keep smiling. It really does get better.

[Babs]

Hi Eggshells I call moments like these my ‘silver linings’. My list started 24 hours after he left me and is now pretty extensive! Some light hearted, some pretty heavy. I made a list of them in my phone, and on days when I’m having a ‘wobble’ I open the list and read through it. I always start feeling better before I reach the end. Well done for recognising these important benefits for yourself.

[Babs]

Footballfan1 thank you so much for sharing this. I have made a couple of enquiries locally but had no response so I think I need to reinvestigate. I’m glad you have had such a positive experience and I look forward to hearing more!

[Babs]

Beautiful rainbow please know you are not alone. I am new to the forum but already have gained so much support and knowledge. How brave of you to share your story. Over the coming weeks you will experience a raft of emotions, but by learning more about their behaviour and most importantly that it’s not your fault, you will certainly grow in confidence and know you have so much to look forward to in life.

[Babs]

Thank you Lisa, that’s really helpful advice. I’ve never joined any forum on any subject matter before, but already I’ve spotted comments I can relate to. I am very interested in The Freedom Programme and will investigate further. Right now I feel as though I could never trust another man again. I have been speaking to a counsellor but that was before I realised I had been a victim of DA so I do think I need to find someone who specialises in this field.

Thanks again Lisa.

[Babs]

This has been an interesting thread to read. Words like ‘genuine’ resonate with me. I’ve been saying to friends that I’m being honest, I have nothing to hide, but he isn’t being honest at all. This thread has helped me to understand his behaviour a little. I’ve fooled myself into thinking he didn’t know what he was doing, with the manipulation and gas lighting, but I think that’s wishful thinking isn’t it? He knew exactly what he was doing from day one didn’t he? And as I got stronger and he could control me less, there was no point him hanging around was there? I feel such a fool for having been taken in by him for (removed by moderator) years.

[Babs]

I too am very new to this, but well done for leaving. You have the rest of your life to look forward to now without him. Whatever the future holds it has to be better than what you experienced whilst with him x

[Babs]

@needadviceplease you are so right. As soon as I was married the cracks started to show. But I was determined to make it work as he told me he was too. He accused me of living on a rollercoaster. I didn’t understand. I never saw my life like that. I knew it was him who made issues where there weren’t any. I find myself wishing I had never met him now.

[Babs]

Thank you nbumblebee. The turning point for me was realising he was being totally unreasonable. I stood my ground and didn’t let him bully me into submission. There are times when you just know you’re right and you have to stand tall. I just wish I’d had the strength to do it years ago because the freedom I feel now is beyond words. I really do wish you all the best x

[Babs]

Thank you Lisa.

[Babs]

Hi Hereforhelp, thank you so much for your reply. I will definitely take a look at the book and podcast you mentioned. Thank you so much.

[Author]

Posts