Blahblahblah1234

[Blahblahblah1234]

Thank you! Solicitor and local WA that I spoke to say very, very hard to get occupation order unless extreme violence because “they don’t want to make a man homeless.” His family are far away and I’m not sure about affordability of him (or I living) alone which they apparently consider.

I look into it again though – does anyone know if you can try to get one without them knowing? Ie they only find out if it’s successful? I think I know answer 🙁

[Blahblahblah1234]

Well done you and go for it. If you stay like I did, you will have an awful life stupidly hoping for change that will never come! Go! Well done! (Ps I am going now after (detail removed) years so that the next (detail removed) years aren’t the same!)

[Blahblahblah1234]

Hi there,
Keep us updated with how you get on. I’m in same situation as you although not yet seen solicitor. I just want to stay in my house with my children who really need routine (Not sure how I’ll afford it alone but I’ll make it work somehow) and get him out ASAP… worried that divorce will take too long and I’ll be living in even more hell when I’ve sent the papers. It’s my job this week to find solicitor and book appointment- so if I have any more luck than you RE opinion, I’ll post here. Good luck

[Blahblahblah1234]

Thanks so much again. I don’t feel so alone having all your support and advice. An occupation order would be an absolute dream come true as it’s the only way I can see myself being free. My local WA said it’s extremely hard to get though 🙁 But I’ll go to GP as advised when I get the guts up. I’m keeping a secret log.

After calling me every name under the sun with children within earshot, kicking the kitchen drawers and throwing the iron down tonight he’s said he’ll never, ever divorce me and that he owns every thing – the latter not being true – but I know he wouldn’t fill in paper work and do everything he can to make my life hell RE divorce. Just feel so trapped. Thought divorce was the answer but that was a ridiculous thought. People saying my/kids mental health more important than house and yes, my mental health is the worst it’s ever been in my life right now but it would be worse if I’m in a refuge/ homeless / whatever other horrible option. I’ve always thought this tbh and when I started to think maybe I actually should go, my youngest was been referred for diagnosis of autism last week. Changes in routine are difficult for him so a whole house move / school move / breakup would be more than awful for him. Crying as I write this as just feel so doomed to live this awful life but I’ll try to work towards occupational order in hope and get all the evidence I can x

[Blahblahblah1234]

Very well done! I hope I’m in your position soon x

[Blahblahblah1234]

Thanks all again! Even though I’d consider myself a person with common sense, I really need this all pointed out to me…I just don’t think I can leave, or want do that to my children and I don’t want to give up my house. The only way I think I can get him out having spoken to WA is through divorce and getting courts to get him out. But I have no money. My income goes on the house but I’ll start to save somehow. I’m not legible for legal aid. Thanks to advice on this forum on my first post, I did speak to police about logging an earlier scary, specific threat a couple of weeks ago that he made re false allegations but obviously threats seem ongoing now. Can’t believe I had guts to speak to them. Was very worried afterwards about them telling social services / school though! Hope they didn’t! He really, really would make false allegations especially when I go so telling them has made me feel a tiny bit safer. Thanks a lot, x

[Blahblahblah1234]

Thanks again, so nice to hear from people in the same boat. He’s saying he won’t divorce me and that he will kill himself. It will therefore be my fault that our kids will be hurt by this. (According to him) He’s so crazy I don’t think it’s a threat, he really would do it. In all honesty, although this would be truly awful for my kids, I could deal with it as I now finally know it’s not my fault.

My local WA very keen on me reporting him to the police but I just don’t know if I can. I know they will tell the school and there are so many parents who work there. He has also told me that he will report me to the police for domestic abuse when I’ve never touched him in my life. He’s very manipulative and believable that I am worried about this. I’m wondering if I go to the police, I can tell them he’s said this before he does???

I found out that an occupational order is very hard to get. I’ve decided I won’t get much out of a non-molestation order. I think I’ll not mention divorce for a little bit to pay off some debts and save for solicitor then when that’s done, just go for it. Wish I could win the lottery!

Thank you all!

[Blahblahblah1234]

Thanks so much to all who replied. I’ve started to try and get evidence. For reasons I can’t explain here, its very difficult to leave my house and go to a refuge. I’ve made the mistake of saying to his face that I want a divorce and he’s lost it. I have a secret audio recording of him kicking me out of bed onto floor and pushing/grabbing me out of the bedroom (he’s not normally violent although stuff like this has happened before) and another one of him kicking the table, sofa I’m sitting on going mental and hinting at suicide (detail removed by moderator) – wish I knew if that was good enough for an injunction order. He was going so mad that I think, in fact, he probably just be sectioned. Feels scary trying to get one if there is a small risk they won’t give it and then things will be worse here. I’ll try local office again tomo. Thanks so much for the ideas x

[Blahblahblah1234]

Thank you – just saw this.

[Blahblahblah1234]

Thank you! We’ve been together (detail removed by moderator) years and I’ve always thought it was my fault until recently I saw the light so not sure there would be any history to be found since we’ve been together so long and he didn’t have long relationships before me. Maybe they could see what I didn’t or he was actually nice because he didn’t start with me until I after I sent wedding invites out. His brother has had many failed relationships and I now suspect he’s the same but don’t think that would help me?

I don’t think I’d get social housing but I’ll definitely look into it so thanks for the ideas.

You’re right about mentioning divorce. I won’t do it again x

[Blahblahblah1234]

Thank you XX

[Blahblahblah1234]

Thank you

[Blahblahblah1234]

Good point. I am thinking of credit cards etc in his name which I think that needed to be sorted otherwise he can’t afford anywhere but I still need to pay for divorce (he wouldn’t) and being single. Despite me working, buying all the food etc etc he says the house is his and cars are his so you are exactly right RE mindset. Arghhh!

[Blahblahblah1234]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. It doesn’t feel comfortable reading what you are saying but I know you are right.

I’m trying to get enough guts up to maybe just speak to police without reporting a crime. Sounds like a waste of their time but just want to know if my evidence (recordings) are evidence of crime if I want to report, what would they do and if I can pre-warn them he will make false accusations against me. My line of work, as he knows, means I can’t have such accusations made against me. My local WA tried to reassure me that there is no evidence of his lies but it still feels scary despite what everyone is saying. Honestly, thanks so much. When you are thinking and overthinking this on your own it’s easy to convince yourself of the wrong thing.

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