Browneyesp

[Browneyesp]

Oh my goodness – do not blame yourself – I struggle daily with arguments about him messaging other girls, liking photos, looking at girls… I get called boring, or fat, or moody. If it was the other way round i dread to think what would happen, he is just as sneaky too, and sometimes i think just does things on purpose to make me worry or feel shit on purpose.
Then i think, they can fall for his charm, his looks, but hes a monster underneath and i laugh now.

You are not going mad, or a nutter, you are being hurt by someone who is meant to care for you. Remember that

[Browneyesp]

Turtledove – I havent read all the comments, but just know that this ISNT your life. Your life is the children that you watch playing in the garden, it’s whatever steps you take next.

I have had to call the police on a number of occasions, they have been to my home address, to my work, the house i share with my partner and i understand that feeling of not wanting the hassle or scene, but that hassle and scene shows him and your children that the behaviour is not ok, normal or acceptable. I have found that since a police presence people are more aware of my situation without me having to speak too openly, the neighbours ask if i am ok, work are very accommodating, my little sister understands that these men can be punished if we pursue it and report t. I know it’s not that easy, theres times i havent called when i should have, but i just wanted you to know there is no shame in ringing for help, its actually incredibly brave… You are not just protecting yourself, but your home and children too.

I dont have any children, in my current situation it is probably a blessing, but i just want to say that from speaking to my own mother, friends with children, grandparents, women who are mothers have this incredible strength when it comes to their children. They will protect, fight, and use the most fierce basic instincts to keep their family safe. Remember you have that strength, that fight, that courage, they know you have it, its there!

[Browneyesp]

“Nurture your mind with great thoughts. To believe in the heroic makes heroes.”

[Browneyesp]

Everything you have said is sadly too relatable – Its a very bitter sweet moment to be able to finally talk to people that understand or have experiences that can help.. but in the same moment what a shame there are people who understand and have had these experiences too.
The violence in my relationship has always been blamed on addiction – But now help is being received for that other things havent stopped, which has made me realise that the person he claimed not to be, is very much who he is.
I get quizzed daily about my past relationships, my past sexual encounters, i get called names, compared to his exs or told hes been with beautiful women compared to me, my phone is picked up as of when, my cars driven as and when, money spent like its a joint account, and ive now realised that just because these things aren’t physical and that side of things has stopped for now, its still a form of abuse.
Without sounding like a complete idiot, i’m attractive, young, i have a good job, and yet the constant arguments, name calling, mind games, have made me feel like im not as good as other people and that is almost the worst abuse.

You should speak yup, im proud of you for having that moment of sass, and you are very right, they can see when you are getting stronger.

[Browneyesp]

Thank you Turtledove – Even just speaking on here has been a huge help. I have found a little voice again, and i know it can be louder and heard!
I don’t want to be jealous of my friends, or watch from the side lines, i want to be right in there celebrating and living with them through there experiences as well as mine. Its just a very tiring thing to find strength during!

Thank you for your support x

[Browneyesp]

I cant remember the last time i was able to have what i would call “me time” – I have a bath and he sits in the bathroom chatting away, i have to go home on my lunch break at work, i watch a series on my phone and he huffs ands bangs about – Its perfectly normal to want a bit of time alone.
I get the “but ive missed you”, “i just want to be with you” – But i know from previous experiences in the relationship that its just another way to make sure im there, not doing anything i shouldnt be.

You are not doing anything wrong by wanting time alone.

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