Buddy

[Buddy]

Thanks Lisa ,
I have learnt so much from you ladies and my own reading .. I understand the cycle completley and I am not being fooled .. just comfortable biding my time and waiting for more money to be saved etc .
Thank u x

[Buddy]

You are 100% right kip .. I can see it all .. even though he is here we hardly see each other , with work etc . Suits me for now .
I can see how I got sucked in in the past , this time I am on the ball .
He thinks he has the upper hand but only because I am letting him think this .. I am in control of my life now

[Buddy]

Yes, I know I am actually wondering how long it will take this time till his true self comes out !!

I am not weakining .. just sitting tight , my anxiety has gone , which is something , tbh I find his nice kind behaviour a bit transparent and predictable .
I am stronger than I have ever been x

[Buddy]

I honestly can’t believe how relaxed and chilled out I am , since he has gone !!
It’s not easy but I have no tummy churning and I am actually enjoying organising my own life !!
I haven’t heard from him but he has rung the children .. and actually I now think the other guy was a product of my marriage as I do t seem to be obsessing about him either !
Madness ! Maybe I am meant to be alone x

[Buddy]

Thanks kip .. I know I need to be happy for myself not through someone else . He was just so kind to me at times .. but ghosting me has really hurt me .. even just on a friendship level . What is the matter with these men .. emotionally stunted !
X

[Buddy]

His mum said all men have nasty tongues in arguments !
Yes , you are right , he does think he is punishing me and I will be using this time to have a taste of being on my own and building up my strength .
His mum also said you have to let the past be in the past ( talking about some of the things he has done )
About (detail removed by Moderator) years ago , he went on a night out with 2 work colleagues , one make one female .. the female was supposed to stay in the other colleagues house as she lived away , but they list him . So she had nowhere to go and he brought her back here .
I heard my chest of drawers drawers opening and closing and went to investigate and found him in our spare room ( where she was sleeping) about (detail removed by Moderator) in the morning . Just kneeling on floor by the bed .. fully clothed
I screamed what is going on and he calmly got up ( it was dark ) and just walked towards me , and went to bed , saying sleep walking and drunk .
I was traumatised , next morning went in to see her and said sorry about last night he was sleep walking) because I honestly didn’t think he would be that stupid and do it in his own home with wife and kids in house !!
When she left , I spoke to him and went on and on about it , saying is something happening g between you , you having an affair , he said course not , because I wouldn’t drop it he shouted , right fine I have been sleeping with her for (detail removed by Moderator) months , I started crying saying when ? He said in an empty office in work .
I came into the lounge rung my mum crying and he came in and said , no I haven’t been I was just saying it as that’s what you thought so may aswell say it .
How cruel ?
Sorry but had to get that off my chest xx

[Buddy]

Thanks for your support ladies .. I will take everything you have said on board .
Before he left he said to let’s talk to the children , he said (detail removed by Moderator)
Both children seem fine .. I keep asking them are they ok and they are both saying we are fine , we don’t feel sad !
My son said it’s good for you to have a break from each other .. and maybe things will be better after .
Sitting here feeling really weird , with Christmas coming and on my own .
His mum says to me all men have nasty young yes in arguments , you don’t deserve it but is this really what you want .
My mum is saying don’t back down this time , if you do that’s you for the rest of your life .

[Buddy]

I let rip (detail removed by Moderator) .. I said everything about his behaviour and he just sat there and took it .
I told him not healthy for the children and how my daughter has told me he is a bully .
I went through everything he has put me through and how he has made me feel .. told him he has never apologised to me and how he can be so sure of himself and not frighten of loosing me !
He never asks me if I still love him ( even when I ask him ) it’s strange.
So I list it and told him he must have a heart of steel if he can live like we are ( not really talking properly)
He didn’t give me an inch , not a crumb .. just said house will go on market in (detail removed by Moderator) and I said .. I can’t live like this till then .. (detail removed by Moderator) he has gone to his mums with a bag of clothes .
Initially I felt panicked , ( thinking what if I am wrong and I am loosing a good husband) he said to me (detail removed by Moderator) I think I am a good husband and father)
Now I am a bit calmer.

No remorse , no apology , no I don’t want to loose you .. just left ..
Odd after (detail removed by Moderator) years of marriage right ? Xx

[Buddy]

Of course .. my god ! When will I learn ladies ? X

[Buddy]

Yes , you are both right .
I am not sure what is going on with my friend , but I guess time will tell .. maybe another man who isn’t sure how to deal with his emotions !

I got up this morning and told him not to speak to me like he did (detail removed by moderator) in front of the children .. he said well if you thought more about things then I wouldn’t have to .
I said would you like it if a man was treating Our daughter the same way ?
What if she met someone who threw things in arguments ( not that he has for a while) he said oh stop going back to that , walked out of the room and said your a (detail removed by moderator) you are .

[Buddy]

Also my husband said to me my hygiene standards are awful ..I said if I am that bad leave me !!
I work in the hospital and I said if my hygiene standards were that bad I would have caught covid by now
Thinking that he hates it that I am working full time and gaining independence , so anything to have a pop

[Buddy]

I am stronger and he can see the change in me .. not long got in from work and he isn’t happy as I brought my mask in the house ( shouting don’t bring covid home here to us , I am selfish etc .

I undertand what you are saying about my male friend ( maybe I am in denial ) but he has always said nothing can happen between us , till you sort things and it was a moment of weakness due to alcohol .. I don’t see that as him taking advantage ? Maybe I am wrong ..
he has backed right off now and not replying to my message .. so maybe he feels he did wrong and is giving space .. who knows .. my head is screwed 😬

[Buddy]

Yes, you are right .. it’s so sad .. what a way to live . It shows to me that underneath it’s all about his insecurities .
X thank u xx

[Buddy]

Thanks camel .. I just didn’t realise I had to play games in my marriage .. it’s pathetic tbh .
I honestly can’t believe he is keeping his cool , and not throwing anything .. it goes to show he can control it !
My respect has gone .. x

[Buddy]

Also ladies , I can’t believe he is trying to carry on normalise without a conversation about our marriage !
I think it’s because he has nothing on me .. ie apart from not being wonderful around the house .. I have loads on him , hence the excuse I can’t talk to u

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