Caterpillarbutterfly

[Caterpillarbutterfly]

It has been getting worse this week. We’re into daily name-calling now, being called fat and useless *all the time*. It’s fairly clear that he’s working himself up into a major rage. Goody.

Honestly, if I had anywhere else to go… but I can’t see how I would do it.

[Caterpillarbutterfly]

I get this *all*. *the*. *time*.

My other half went on a massive outburst the other week for my ‘rudeness’ as I wasn’t sufficiently helpful or engaged with something he wanted help with. However, when I ask for help with something I need to ‘stop chuntering’ about X or Y. And given the names he calls me on a daily ***ing basis, he’s one to talk about ‘rudeness’.

It’s a way to grind you down, but unfortunately I’m learning that abusers genuinely believe that it’s the victims’ fault because if you weren’t annoying them then they wouldn’t be horrible to you… abusers genuinely don’t ask themselves the question of whether they have the right to be annoyed by something.

Sorry to hear you’re in this as well, it’s awful.

[Caterpillarbutterfly]

Aaand I’ve been mainlining chocolate over these last few weeks in response to the current situation, so I’m doubtless getting even fatter. I can’t look at myself in a mirror.

This has all gone horribly, horribly wrong.

[Caterpillarbutterfly]

Another bad weekend.

The name-calling and belittling is just so exhausting. And being called fat *all the time* has never actually helped. I know I’m overweight. Being belittled for it just makes it harder to feel positive about diet and exercise.

And being called ‘loathsome’ and ‘an embarrassment’ in front of my kid… honestly, how have I screwed up my life this much.

If I had any sensible way out, I ought to leave I guess. But all aspects of my life have now been screwed up, I’m living somewhere impractical, and I can’t imagine how I could support myself + child. I also don’t know what is best for said child, who would suffer from a vastly reduced quality of life if we did separate.

Oh well, another 30-40 years and then I can die, I suppose.

[Caterpillarbutterfly]

I can offer empathy ‘cos I can relate to what you have written. It’s the same here. I get (verbal) abuse if I do too much, if I do too little, if I try to stand up to him, if I just take the abuse, if I walk away…

It’s all wrong. But I suppose knowing it’s wrong is step 1.

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