Cherrycake

[Cherrycake]

Thankyou all for your support.
I am still waiting for an IDVA to contact me so still waiting for some form of support. (Detail related to court process removed by moderator).
Any support and advise would be great as I’m finding myself getting extremely anxious over this. None of it is fair. I was brave enough to leave and call the police, and now I am being blamed. I heard most perps do this to save their own backs, but I feel sick st the thought of it all.

[Cherrycake]

I agree. When I went to the police I told them about the health visitor and they said they would take a statement as it was important. But they never did? I have appealed the decision (detail removed by moderator), I need to fight this for my own sanity. I need to show them what he is like before it happens again, I need the justice I deserve and need to keep my children safe.
Thankyou x

[Cherrycake]

Because it was never really pyshical I find its so hard to ‘prove’. I have videos of him calling me names saying he will lie to courts and take kids away from me etc. I have a phonecall to womens aid when he took our son and ran off with him, saying he wanted to die.I have a health visitor who had noted down that she felt he was controlling, he wouldnt give eye contact or smile etc. Witness from one incident where he was shouting at me calling me names because I was (detail removed by moderator).
I just dont know what the police had taken.. they never told me and Im not sur what they can tell me. I have decided to appea the decision by cps and go from there.
I just have a fire in my belly now to fight.
I have waited (detail removed by moderator) weeks now for a letter of some kind but had nothing.. I dont think its a threat as he was being realy nice (the abusers charm as always). We will have to wait and see.
Thankyou x

[Cherrycake]

I really do wish I could call them but as it can get quite personal I would have to do it alone where nobody can hear me… and unfortunately as I’m living with family it isn’t really possible. I’m trying to find time where I can talk alone but I always have my child with me and it’s hard.
I will try my hardest when I have any spare time to call them, but at the moment that isn’t happening!
I really do feel like I need support especially not being far away to having my second, I do need to look after myself too.
There is so much going around my head, I hopedon’t if I left him it would end. But I dono think it ever really will! 😢
Thankyou x

[Cherrycake]

I am so sorry that happened, but happy you are now rid and hopefully free from him.
See that’s how I felt… handing it over to the police and letting them get on with it. But by the sounds of it it donot work like that… the thought of making a video statement which will then be shown infront of so many people including him and his family makes me feel sick.
And then if I have to stand up in court and talk about it all? I don’t think I could physicaly do that, I can’t even say the word ‘rape’ never mind talk about it all to a room full of people.

I wish it could be easier for them to get the evidence together but obviously it isn’t and I have to come to terms with that I guess.
I think there is one a while away but nothing close as far as I know, I wish there was though.

Thankyou though it has started to make me feel a little better now… knowing I’m not ‘over exaggerating’or I’m just ‘crazy’ which for so long he has made me feel. I will get stronger I hope. Will be 3 months soon since he told us to ‘get the f*** out of his house’ and I did just that, and didnt look back. Just trying to take baby steps so the stress dont pile on top of me!x

[Cherrycake]

Thankyou for your advice and support. I’m so sorry you all had to go through something similar… I just really need to get my head around the fact it was rape and it isn’t okay, and then I’d like to hope my decision will be easier. But right now I feel as if this is all happening to somebody else as I never in a million years thought this was rape.
I would like to call rape crisis, but it’s really difficult as I’m currently having to live with family, so get no time to myself as such. I refuse to tell my family the full story, but that’s my choice and I don’t think I will change my mind. I’d much rather do it all alone and then forget about it as such (not that you ever do) but I wouldn’t want family bringing it up all the time, so I am alone in my decision and the whole process etc.
I have a support worker through womens aid, she hasnot been the best of help if im honest, but then again I havnt spoke to her about anything so that’s my fault. But all our meetings are at home with my family present so I refuse to talk.
The lady from serious sexual offences is giving me a call back end of the week, so I wanted to decide for then. But I sway from one side to the other constantly.

And as far as I am aware,his ex partner before me he treated the same and was forceful on her. She wont tell me anymore then that and I don’t want to ask as that’s the polices job. She is willing to talk to them on my behalf.
Thankyou all again x

[Cherrycake]

Thankyou.
That is exactly how I feel. I feel as if it was normal for that, I’m really struggling to come to terms with the word ‘rape’. I guess because I wasn’t physically forced, but emotional I feel I was.

It’s so hard, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Being pregnant with our second child makes things alot more difficult for me.
I’m so scared of what will happen in court. I feel like I will waste everyone’s time. There is no proof to say he did what he did, no proof of his awful emotional abuse. Just my word against his, and I know he will make out he’s innocent, because he GENUINLY believes there is nothing wrong with it. There’s never anything wrong with anything he does.

I’m scared that will be used against me, that he will turn everything on me just like he has for the past (detail removed by moderator) years. I want to wait until next year to take this further, I want to enjoy the kids while they are you going and enjoy the rest of my pregancy as I don’t have long left.

But at the same time, I’m the second person he’s treated this way. How many more? If I wait until next year when it’s better for me… how selfish is that because in that year he cold have another woman in his clutches.

[Cherrycake]

Oh is that what that was? I was feeling very un-nerved last night almost as if I made an awful decision.
It went well, I’m very lucky that the gentleman was very supportive and understanding. I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all.
The perp is being charged with a few things.
But I have to make a video statement first… which I’m feeling really nervous about and I don’t know what to expect. They have taken it so seriously and he said how awful he was to me… yet to me it felt so normal I didn’t even rrealise how bad it had got. I’ll see what happens I guess, but I can now see why people are too scared to report anything, but I know it’s the right thing to do. None of my family know details and I want to keep it that way. I might call women’s aid later just to have somebody to talk too. Thankyou x

[Cherrycake]

Did you go straight away…? It has been (removed by moderator) since we were together now and (removed by moderator) sinice an incident that put our lives especially the risk. I’m worried I have left it too late and nothe enough evidence. But I feel like it’s the best thing to do.

[Cherrycake]

Did you go straight away…? It has been (removed by moderator) since we were together now and (removed by moderator)  sinice an incident that put our lives especially the risk. I’m worried I have left it too late and nothe enough evidence. But I feel like it’s the best thing to do.

[Author]

Posts