Chocaholic

[Chocaholic]

You should never feel guilty for sharing your insecurities, we all have insecurities and talking about them makes us realise you are not alone in feeling that way. He is using this to turn this around for you to question your behaviour rather than focus on his own xx

[Chocaholic]

I am sorry to hear what you are going through and I hope you’re okay. I would say the fact that you are scared of his outbursts and there is a controlling side to who you are friends with is definitely abuse. Just because he apologised doesn’t make it okay, my partner apologises a lot and makes promises like this but never follows through. It’s just a way to keep you thinking things will get better xx

[Chocaholic]

Thank you for all of your advice. The problem is he won’t leave, he says this house was bought by his family (which it wasn’t I saved the money on my own but they did help pay for renovations). I just don’t know what to do I’m not brave enough to walk away and I know I would be better alone but something always stops me

[Chocaholic]

Thank you for your reply. I think I could come up with a plan with most of them as I think a lot of them are aware of what he is like. He actually (detail removed by moderator) in front of his mum when he was extremely drunk although she is probably the type to deny that if she was asked.

[Chocaholic]

I am okay for today thank you. We haven’t really spoken today and I’m happy to keep it that way

[Chocaholic]

Andrea17 I am so sorry that happened to you I hope you and your child are now okay

[Chocaholic]

Thank you. I didn’t come home till now and thankfully he isn’t in. Hoping he doesn’t come back for tonight

[Chocaholic]

He does say he wants to and it’s due to boredom because of lockdown but I don’t know if he’s just telling me what I want to hear. It was an issue before lockdown as well as was gambling but this has made it much worse

[Chocaholic]

Thank you for this camel I did not realise you could change your pin online I’ll look into this just now. This is very similar to my situation getting tired he does not sell drugs that’s how I know saying they were for someone else was to make me worry and give the money. He has now decided to “forgive me” which also shows that he doesn’t owe someone money as if this was the case he would be panicking and demanding the money.

[Chocaholic]

I will change my pin as soon as I am allowed to leave the house. No it’s not me he does odd shifts so that pays for drink, drugs and gambling. I very rarely give him money. I don’t believe they’re for someone else I think that’s to trick me into giving him money to buy more

[Chocaholic]

I have my bank card back and he only bought the food shopping thankfully. I knew I should have just transferred the money but didn’t know what the exact amount would be so thought it would be easier to give my card then as soon as he’d left I instantly regretted it. I just need to keep reminding myself that this is only 2 weeks and hopefully this will force me to leave. He’s currently not speaking to me as I found drugs hidden in a (detail removed by Moderator) when doing housework and poured them down the sink in a rage. He is saying they weren’t for him and I now owe this person money. It’s just such a horrible atmosphere living in.

[Chocaholic]

I wish I could answer that question I honestly don’t know what is trapping me, I feel sorry for him as he didn’t have a good upbringing and his parents have never really been interested so I make excuses because of that but sometimes I do think this will be his last chance and maybe this time he does mean it and he will change. I do believe deep down he loves me he’s just so messed up that he doesn’t know how to treat me.

I am really struggling this weekend. I had decided to stay with my mum even if it was just for a night to get a bit of space then found out I was to isolate for 2 weeks and my mum is high risk so couldn’t go there. I feel not being able to get out of the flat has really heightened my emotions and how unhappy I am. At least when I am in work it is so busy that not all my focus is on him and this situation but right now I can’t escape it plus I’m now having to rely on him to do the food shopping and giving him my bank card with the hope that he won’t steal money off me or use it to stock up on alcohol and leave me with no money to pay our bills

[Chocaholic]

Thank you all for your advice. Yes I do have friends but I don’t really speak about what is going on to anyone as I am embarrassed. This has not been too bad a week as he has been working but as (detail removed by Moderator) is his (detail removed by Moderator) day off he is sitting up all night drinking which although he’s not done anything to me I resent him for because he can borrow money from his family for alcohol but can’t contribute to the bills. He managed to go (detail removed by Moderator) days this week that I know of without drinking which is the longest he has managed during the whole of lockdown.

Xx

[Chocaholic]

Thank you both for your advice I will need to look into some of the books on the forum, particularly trauma bonding. I am sorry you are both going through similar situations. I wish you all the best xx

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