Christine

[Christine]

He doesnt contact me. That was one of problems, he wud sleep with me then I wud feel rejected and unloved by no real effort afterwards to contact me….not like when we met. I would call him, he would talk as if I was a nuisance, then I would get insecure and call more, he would shout and verbal abuse and then I would get anxious and want to make it all OK again and at which point he would then ignore me or cut me off making me more anxious and then I would have called loads of times making me look like a stalker!! I even used to go around to house because I would feel so traumatized that he wouldn’t talk to me and yet we had just been intimate together and he had been nice. I know my behavior was wrong though. It was like my emotions took over my logical brain!!! So he’s got loads of calls and texts stored although I don’t do that now thankfully

[Christine]

What’s grey rock mean please x

[Christine]

I think u hit the nail on the head when u said its the hope that goes, that there would ever be any future. Thats what’s hurting the most and yes the sex with another woman. He’s now saying what woman…so he is, he isn’t, he is, he isn’t seeing someone. Then when i ask if he is seeing someone he just won’t answer the question…like he enjoys me wondering and not knowing eitjer way….He must just want to hurt me and see me jealous I and upset. Its weird cos we split up over his ex’s jealous behavior and that she couldn’t seem to back off and always wanted to be involved and like she was still with him. I don’t want to be like that. I want to start a new relationship without any mess from the past.

[Christine]

I think you are doing great to not get involved. Well done u. My ex told me his ex was saying things about me, well she was cos I saw texts she sent about me but like u say I don’t know what he was saying about me. She did want to know why I was at a party and she hadn’t been invited when I met him tho which I thought was odd and crossing boundaries. U seem more sensible though…and normal behaviour dare I say.

[Christine]

Her or him I mean…

[Christine]

I got caught up in triangulation. It was so destructive for everyone. You seem wise to it but his ex was a nightmare and said I was a trouble causer etc…I actually thought she must have still loved him because of how she reactef and he wouldn’t ever tell her she was overstepping mark. Now I can see its cos he was using her to abuse me and her behaviour allowed for that….she blamed me and so did he. She wud ask I go for a visit, I went and then she didn’t even speak to me!? She demanded I call her when I said no she started shouting, going close up to my then partner, physically close like u wud a boyfriend and saying I hadn’t said hello, I wasn’t polite as she WS his child’s mother etc etc. He wud then say I had to go say hello. Even tho I actually had said hello…it was like we had to keep her happy or else…I still can’t work out if it was her that was abusive or her or both…

[Christine]

Hi I can so relate to this with families and unhealthy behaviours. For instance, my parents continually interfere with my parenting and undermine me. It has affected my relationship with my daughter. They abuse me. I get angry. My daughter sees me as problem. If I try to set boundaries with my daughter they come to my house, pick her up and she sleeps there!!! They bought her a phone when she was ten without asking me. When I said about them asking me they replied, why do we have to ask u. Anyway when I confronted my mother again about their interference, this time she told me that maybe I needed to look at myself and change , let go of the past and that they do it so she isn’t as damaged as I am. When I said what do u mean damage d she turned it back onto me and said, well I’m agreeing with u. This is because I have said they are bad parents but obviously she has twisted that to put focus on me as bad person….as usual. My father told me on one occasions when I challenged him that I should get out of his house, he practically threw me out,told me not to go back and said when I looked in the mirror, the person looking back at me is my problem. When I was younger I was so scared of my dad. He was so angry, a bully. I couldn’t ever answer back and my mother wud tell me to just keep quiet. He wouldn’t shout or call my siblings names, only me and my younger sister ignores me and behaves like my parents to towards me. When I take my children to visit my father doesn’t speak to me and neither does my sister. Its hard cos my kids ask to go and I’m a single parent with abusive ex’s so where do I get help from?? I have a babysitter but can o my afford so much. I am just setting boundaries with my ex and he is responding by not communicating basically as I only wish to talk by text. He was sleeping with me up until October last year and still being suggestive into new year…then said he was dating, then he wasn’t….then I noticed he had stayed out, we live very close. I asked and he said he was seeing someone but it was none of my business, even tho he wud try to feel my bum before this started. He wud do that and then say he didn’t want to be with me….but wud sleep with me and do stuff for me….it was soul destroying. So I put boundaries in and decided I needed to protect my heart and move on. He tried to get it back to his its best for him, regardless of how he has messed me about, but I should just be friends apparently. I have kept boundaries and
now he’s not communicating. I only ever contact regarding our daughter. Part of boundaries I set myself. I find it hard feeling rejected and unloved by the people u look yo for love and support, the very people u wud think wud be there for you are actually hurting you….my mother makes me feel bad and has always said if someone treated me badly then her question wud always be…’ What did you do’…say no more.

[Christine]

My ex had me go into room where this woman had just given birth!! She didn’t speak to me. Would demand I go meet her and then when I did she didn’t even speak to me….rang valentines night about homework, rang for things dropping off. Would change plans with child at drop of a hat and no questions could be asked, we just had to change our plans to suit, rand for lifts, called me trouble causer and mixed things by saying really manipulating things that made me look like a problem, as if they had relationship and I was interfering on that but it was her interfering on ours but he wouldn’t have it and just kept saying it was me with issues, not her. What can u do in that kind of situation ? Your self worth gets pulled down and u feel less that this other woman in his life. That’s not true and if he was a good partner that would never happen in first place xx h

[Christine]

I also think he was manipulating u to make u think u were one with problem by not acceping this behavior but it isn’t normal. He is then punishing u by refusing to speak to you because you challenged him about what he was doing. You are always left upset whilst the other party gets all of their demands met. So you are made to be the problem and the fly in the ointments as it were. No, its just to try and make u think what they do is normal and it u but it isn’t u. Its 100% them.

[Christine]

That’s do similar to what I went through. U know what, when I left he just went back to doing exactly same for ex before me. She rings and he drops everything. It hurts cos he don’t do that for me but….I can see how it was always him.he had a choice and if he wanted to change the situation he could have but they don’t want to. They like it that way too and must get off on being needed like that. They want us to fig in around it all and accept that we come 2nd basically, well that’s how it feels…I don’t think its normal. I still have resentment and anger and some bitterness and who wants that with them so its best to heal and not key those negative emotions get any bigger than they all really are….x

[Christine]

I googled trauma bonding and yes it makes sense. The feeling to contact them is so intense. My ex wud ignore me for smallest reason and call me psycho and that I was harassing him when I went into the yearning to contact him phase. Its awful to feel like that too!!!

[Christine]

Yes its when I physically see him its the hardest. Cos I’m still attracted to him and have feelings… Or I think I do? Its even worse now he’s with someone else. In some ways I think it will help me move on….but it still hurts, especially when he comes skipping and all smiles to door. I should be happy for someone being happy right. But it makers me angry. I think cos he was sleeping with me not so long ago And suggesting it again only a few week s ago.. Then he will say he doesn’t want a relationship, its just sex….then go date someone else!!!

[Christine]

Yeah I’ve had counseling for two years around my baby…and I’ve had to try and forgive people and myself, which is the hardest

[Christine]

Its so hard not to feel like we want them isn’t it and yet it doesn’t make sense? Women on here say it gets easier not to feel that yearning so that’s encouraging x

[Christine]

Hi kip I’ve done handover. He came to door nice, chatty. I just tried to get our child ready and out through door as quickly as possible. I tried to make as little conversion as possible. He didn’t seem bothered to be honest….but u r right. If I keep it this way it will help me move on. He has met someone anyway which he is now all if a sudden all happy and wanting to be friends but this is hurting me….before he would cuddle me and talk about sex and now nothing and I’m supposed to just respond to his emotions again….friends now. Why don’t I see that being Friendly is a good thing instead of feeling angry and hurt . is that normal

[Author]

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