confusedallofthetime

[confusedallofthetime]

He’s gone. I have my house back and my boys. It’s been a long upsetting weekend and I’m heartbroken, missing him desperately every second of the day. But this too shall pass.

I’m still going to post, I’m sure I’m going to need just as much support now as ever, but I just wanted to say thank you to you all x

[confusedallofthetime]

The children can stay where they are now without me taking them to another City which is probably preferable to upheaval for them. I miss them immensely but I don’t want them here at the moment. I know what everyone is saying about not alienating myself from them but this is Mama Bear kicking in. I’ll sacrifice a few nights with them to get things sorted here.

I feel stronger by the day – I recognise that might mean I’m in danger but I need to get my thoughts in order. I’m telling him to leave again tonight.

[confusedallofthetime]

Oh my word. Cecile I hope you escape unscathed, in every sense of the word. It’s such a worry.

I’m going to speak to ‘mine’ tonight when he gets home because my ex husband has been classed as high risk so I want to be super cautious as our kids still go back and forth between us (joint custody, very amicable etc)

If he doesn’t take it seriously I might have to ramp up my plans to have him removed

[confusedallofthetime]

I am being allocated a domestic abuse support worker who will ring me in a couple of days. I have family in another city who have said I can stay with them if things get heated, but I’ve just been told that he has no legal right to be here and I can call the police to get him removed.

I have this option. The domestic abuse safeguarding team can help with extra security on my home.

I am lining my ducks up in a row.

[confusedallofthetime]

I’m waiting for a call back from a local domestic abuse charity after a chat with my counsellor. Last night when he got home instead of saying ‘how are you’ he went straight into ‘who have you heard from, what have you been talking to them about, what did they want etc etc etc’. When I pointed out that he’d started prying immediately and why didn’t he ask how I was instead of what I was doing he called me a dickhead and told me he didn’t care how I was as we’re not together any more.

The (detail removed by moderator) he was pressuring me for sex.

He’s king of the castle at the moment, he’s paid me (detail removed by moderator) this month and I’ve paid for absolutely everything – rent, bills, food, my petrol, my own bills….I’ve got (detail removed by moderator) left until I get paid. Yet he can’t afford to move out? If I ask him for more money he’ll say it’ll delay him moving won’t he?

I can’t live with this uncertainty and unpredictability any more so I’m asking for advice. I need to know my legal rights if he boots off again – can I just pack his stuff while he’s out and leave it in the garage, and not let him back in?

[confusedallofthetime]

I’m freaking out.

I’m not worried about me getting it. It’s the passing it on. The disruption. The impact on family and friends. Businesses. Local communities. Mental health.

It already feels like nothing will ever be the same again because of my relationship ending. Then there’s this. It’s horrifying.

[confusedallofthetime]

This feels like the absolute worst time to go from being part of a couple to being on my own. I’m not going to lie It’s going to take every single ounce of strength I have t not let him comfort me in my anxiety – but I’ll stay strong.

[confusedallofthetime]

I think it’s because his ego is bruised. He wants some control back and he’ll get it this way (in his mind).

[confusedallofthetime]

He wants to be friends with benefits…I’ve put that idea straight in the bin and made it VERY clear

[confusedallofthetime]

Whatsapp her. You can do this. You have survived everything up to this point x

[confusedallofthetime]

I get this all the time. ‘no wonder your family/friends don’t like you you’ve always got a face on’ ‘why are you sulking’ (this one infuriates me, so he used it the most) ‘what’s wrong with you tonight”you’re always in a mood’ ‘what’s the matter with you now?’ – oh, and my all time favourite…’you look ugly when you’re pissed off’ said with a laugh.

Usually this is when I’m sat there absolutely fine. At first I used to blame my RBF, but now? I know it’s all mind games.

[confusedallofthetime]

Thanks KIP. I’m not being lulled into a false sense of security – I’m more alert now than I probably ever have been. I have a support system around me, people literally on speed dial if I need them, and clear direction to call the police if he boots off.

[confusedallofthetime]

Update = He’s agreed to leave at the end of the month. he’s actively looking for a new place and he’s done all the ‘social media separation’ things. he’s been nothing but civil, and he’s been keeping out of my way. The boys going has spooked him, and he’s accepted things are over. He’s told his family and friends. I went out yesterday for a few hours to meet a friend and it felt so strange! I’m going out for tea on Friday too (haven’t told him yet, but I will).

He’s also told me he’ll stay out of the way if I bring my boys home – I’m not doing this yet as I want to see how long this lasts.

But….I’m officially single and feeling quite hopeful of getting my life back soon…

[confusedallofthetime]

Thank you. I feel like I’m hyper-alert. Not sure I’ve slept properly for ages, I saw every hour again last night.

His family are gutted, they don’t want to lose me from their family but they respect my wishes (they don’t know the reasons why though)

[confusedallofthetime]

Excellent skills. You are strong, and you are brave xx

[Author]

Posts