East17

[East17]

Total denial on his part… Says it’s all in my head, if there are any problems, they’re all down to me.

When I confront him about his behaviour, he turns it around and says he’s just ‘defending himself’ against me… I’ve got a screw loose apparently

He tells me I’m a horrible person who has ruined his life.. So I say if I’m such an awful person why would he want to stay with me… ‘because I love you’…
Totally brain-screwing mind games.

Don’t know which way’s up anymore. Can’t trust anyone, least of all myself.

[East17]

White Rose
If I wasn’t on anti depressants and beta blockers I wouldn’t be able to function, they are all that is keeping me going right now, so don’t feel bad about taking them, do whatever it takes to get you through the day.

I agree the side effects can be horrendous, but sometimes brain fog and nausea is a small price to pay for keeping on the safer side of suicidal..

Wishing you strength to get through your court appearance and hope it goes ok for you.
((hugs))
East17

[East17]

Thanks Tamra for your reply. You have managed to stay away for a few months and I know how hard that is after over 2 decades with a person… I haven’t managed more than a few weeks, so well done you.

I’m sorry you are going through such a difficult time with missing him and hoping that he will have a change of heart, but I hope you can find the strength to move forward with your life and build a safe, happy and secure future for yourself.

East17 x

[East17]

I never put the stress i suffered every day down to the ex and his total disregard for normal boundaries and behaviour. Just thought after all the years of ups and downs of life, i was just one of those people who struggled with the everyday pressures -now i know different.

Thanks for your reply Amethyst15, I can totally relate to your comments. When I’m away from him I can see things more clearly, when I’m with him, part of me is still in denial. I was assessed by WA to see if I qualified for MARAC, I didn’t, not considered to be ‘at risk’ (because it is emotional/psychological rather than physical I suppose…) I don’t know if I will ever find the strength to completely break free, I have virtually no external support, apart from private counselling. I’ve been on a waiting list for several months to see a RASA counsellor (unconnected with my home situation), but they are so short-staffed in my area, there is no indication when one will become available. So I recently started to talk to the private counsellor who has had RASA training, but I don’t know if I can continue as I have found it so traumatising, trying to cope with how it leaves me feeling afterwards with no support is a scary place to be. Have got to the point where I really don’t care any more. Sometimes it’s just easier to let others treat you however they want and not fight back.

Out of energy and hope. There’s nothing left.

[Author]

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