FedUpWithTheRollercoastee

[FedUpWithTheRollercoastee]

Thanks you @Hereforhelp,

I really appreciate your reaching out. It’s been an upsetting and confusing day.
I my heart, I know that he hasn’t fully taken responsibility for his past behavior or the fact that I was driven to such thoughts. But he has a way of twisting things to be my fault and then I feel guilty. I am by no means an angel.
But thank you foryour words. It’s what I needed today.

[FedUpWithTheRollercoastee]

Hello all,

Thanks you so much for replying. Though I hate to think of others out there suffering from a similar drip, drip, drip of general f***ery, there is some comfort in the acknowledgement that this is not normal. But big hugs to you all, I hope that you are all in a period of calm right now so that you can build up your inner strength.
Xx

[FedUpWithTheRollercoastee]

Thanks Bananaboat. I have just found a few audio clips / videos by Lundy Bancroft and wow! Lots of it makes so much sense and really resonates thank you.

Yes. Goalposts shift constantly.

Am trying to focus on myself more (fitness, diet etc) for some much needed self care.

I just don’t understand why someone who says they love me, treats me like s**t on his shoe?

I am just there to serve to his every need and anticipate what those needs might be.

Sorry, a minor peeve,, but….

I washed and ironed a whole pile of his stuff a few days ago. What do you know… The One shirt that was still in the ironing pile, was the very one that he wanted this morning! He would never think to iron the thing himself. The fact he has multiple shirts he normally wears to work, ready, ironed didn’t matter. Oh, and he made this snarky comment about it as he left the house. Leaving me frustrated and annoyed. Yet, apparently, I use a “negative and grumpy tone” with him, that annoys him all day (I may sometimes, but not always).

I’m just so sick of the double standards and being accused of stuff that he does all the time, with impuninity!

Anyway. Rant over. Thanks so much for caring enough to reply. I hope you are OK?

[FedUpWithTheRollercoastee]

Thank you Allornothing. I greatly appreciate your kind words and advice.

I do feel like I’m going crazy sometimes and question whether it’s all in my head. But then when it’s written down I know it’s not right. Just the act of doing that helps (though triggering).

I still see my counsellor, who has been excellent so I do feel stronger.

You are right, knowledge is power. I have listened to several audio books on the subject which have been very helpful.

It is a very scary prospect though I know he will never initiate it. I have actually asked him why he wants to be with me if he seems to dislike me so much, but he never has an answer for that.

Have a great day

[FedUpWithTheRollercoastee]

I am now panicking that I shouldn’t have posted this since he could somehow find out. Or someone could see it and alert him to it. Which is completely irrational. But it’s wrong to be invisible isn’t it? That’s what I feel most of the time – to be seen and not heard. To have literally no voice. I need to find my voice again.

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