FightForYourself

[FightForYourself]

Mummyboo
If I can advice you.. if your ex is an abuser organise a contact with the kids formally because he can manipulate you and children or take them away if you won’t have any court paper. If your abuser is a n**********c man, believe me he doesn’t have a feelings like we have… he can feel just anger and sick satisfaction. They are capable of using children yo still control us. Be careful.

[FightForYourself]

I have similar situation with two little kids.. ny husband is emotionally and financially abusive and controllig. He never hurt me or kids physically so I am still here taking one step at a time. First step was reading a lot about abuse to understand what is going on. It is also important to take care of yourself. To think about your feelings and listen to your body and intuition. My next step was calling the helpline and than the local organisation. Next step is to make an appointment with housing advisor in your council. I hope they will help me to find save place to live. If I won’t have anything then I go to refuge…
Hun we don’t deserve all of this abuse..

[FightForYourself]

Oh thanks God I posted here… I am experiencing FOG definitely as Lightess said. I booked an appointment with housing department in my council and after that I felt horrible fear 🙁 it just show me that I live in such a toxic relation. I am even afraid to do anything without my husband knowledge. The plan in my head looks like that: act like nothing is happening as much as I can. Do in secret step by step such as finding out housing options, reporting an abuse to GP, keeping in touch with local helpline, hiding important documents and trying to cope emotionally and stick to my decision. Soon I will go on holiday to my mum so I will rest from him and think about all options again. Once I will have somewhere to go I want to leave just a note saying that children are safe with me and I will be contacting him via emails about seeing the kids. I consider also reporting abuse to the police so he can’t accuse me of kidnapping kids. Than I want to delete my Facebook, change phone number and contact him only via emails. I also consider taking legal advice because I don’t trust him (detail removed by Moderator) who will take care of the children and when he can see them. Otherwise he will use them to manipulate me, he could agree for something and next day he could just do different thing to touch me emotionally. Does that sounds reasonable???

[FightForYourself]

Thank you for your support and advice xx how shall I contact him after I leave? Can’t he call the police and accuse me of kidnapping the kids? (detail removed by Moderator) What about meetings with him, what if he take my daughter and don’t give her back to me? Sorry for so many questions but I am really afraid…

[FightForYourself]

Lightness thank you for replying. Do you think I should leave with the kids when he is not around? I don’t know if I should do this as he has the same rights to kids as me. And he is nice to them, they love their father is obvious and I would just feel so bad just leaving without explenation. But I wonder how he would behave.. what if he take for example my daughter and wont let me take her with me? It would be a nightmare for me and her. Our son is so little I think he wouldn’t take him from me but I am afraid about my daughter. He is spending a lot of time with her so he could freak out when I would want to take her. I still believe that we might have calm conversation about my decision once I will have everything organised. I want my kids to see him I don’t want to take their father away. But I am so confused

[FightForYourself]

I think that is normal that you are still thinking about him. He was a part of your life. And unfortunately you were connected emotionally but not in a healthy way. It is really hard to lrave an abuser, I am stil living with one and really want to move on and leave him. You are one step further and well done for your courage! I send you hugs and my support, you are not alone! xxx

[FightForYourself]

SunshineRainflower thank you so much for your support! I will definitely do something about it.. I also have to admit that he influenced me so much that sometimes I change my behaviour, control myself and feel stressed when he comes back home or comes into the room and I am just sitting chating with my mum for example, I put the phone down and start doing something like cleaning etc.

[FightForYourself]

Yes I read posts here and I know I am in the right place.. I called the helpline but they are very busy, I will try again when my kids will go yo sleep.
I forgot to mention about financial abuse. He is working, I am at home with little kids. I don’t have the access to money, he is saing the account is his and that’s it. I need to ask him for money everytime I need to buy food. I have a credit card and I am on debt all the time because if I need anything he is saing “do you really need this? I don’t think so.” He is also saing “go and earn the same money as me, I can happily take care of the kids and house.” …

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