Hazydayz

[Hazydayz]

Toture, abuse, trauma. What you’ve endured, It’s understandable your still struggling. Let it out here and anywhere you can? Anytime you need to. It’s ok. let it go. 💞

[Hazydayz]

I’m sorry TS, yes, I could well up thinking of it again of other lonely souls in that same situation. Sadly, there are so many lonely souls out there in the world without someone to go to or somewhere to go or to be, to feel safe or for some to escape for a while and feel/be safe. I count myself lucky now that I was there safely locked in my car and eventually able to escape another frightening situation. It could have been potentially more traumatising or worse, dangerous, if I hadn’t been in a car but out on foot alone, I realise this, it is especially true for anyone else too, those out and with no safe place to be, and unfortunate enough to be without some comfort, such as the security of being in a locked car, so as to get away quickly and safely if need be?
Yes, I believed it to be deliberate, there were no other spaces, it was just a small gateway on a very quiet country lane off the beaten track, that’s known to me. I’ts a very quiet spot normally and Whoever they were? I don’t know, they just appeared from nowhere and parked alongside my car. There were no spaces for cars to park other than a limited space where I had parked and then the 2 others had squeezed alongside me. It is safe to say…feeling safe and secure is everything isn’t it. Thanks for the ((hugs))((hugs back)) and warmest wishes to you to.

[Hazydayz]

Truth is…this is my life, nobody sees…
except maybe? that night… the mystery occupants of the 2 cars that appeared suddenly out of the darkness and for whatever reason? in darkness, parked either side of me.
My space, was no longer my safe place and in fear for what might be? I thought… Home felt less threatening, I knew what horrors lay in wait there.
Suddenly mass panic gripped me as I attempted to remove my car… I was stuck! like the meat in a sandwich. I tried desperately to reverse from between them, not understanding why? my car reved so loudly but would not move. In that moment and in blind panic, I could not understand, why? at that direst of moments, my car chose now to let me down. I could not get out to investigate why my car would not move? That would be too risky. My mind racing with what if’s? and in desperation to get away from that situation, I tried all that was left for me to do, I turned the steering wheel left then right, hoping to extract myself from the nightmare that gripped me. A rush of relief came as my car was all at once freed from whatever had gripped it in place? as I blindly panicked within. Seconds and minutes had felt like hours in my struggle to get away. I was so much more grateful for my space as I drove away feeling relieved to be safe in that moment.
I will never know who they were? In those cars Or why? They menacingly parked so closely either side of my car and me, but I trust my instinct and it told me…get our of there!
Next day, in the daylight I went back to that spot to try to see why I hadn’t been able to move from that spot? From the scuff marks in the grass and the mud on the road that matched the marks on the rim of my front tyres it became evident to me that my wheels had no initial grip on the grass, as I had parked just over the edge of the road and hadn’t realised. Between the rain on the windows and the tears in my eyes, I was unaware that the wet ground would make getting out tricky.

I discovered later, your reply to my posting, thankyou.
I thought about your chosen words…poetic and beautifully evocative? And I understood your meaning. I too wish it wasn’t true, but
My truth…is here to be seen. 💞

[Hazydayz]

Thankyou💕

[Hazydayz]

Thankyou Camel 💞

[Hazydayz]

💞 Thankyou

[Hazydayz]

Hello again, I just haven’t been able to move forward.
I have used Chat in the past.
I have so much stuff specific to my life outside of this area that it’s going to take an enormous amount of sorting, if it can be? So thats where I’m at.
I don’t think there’s anything else you can do but thank you for the help you have offered me.
Warmest wishes

[Hazydayz]

Hi, Thanks for your reply. I’m still living with, married to a monster. I’m not able to lock my door against him, secure my space. Anxiety, cptsd is full on. I’m a warrior who’s not stood up from her knees yet.

[Hazydayz]

Hello again Twisted Sister. No I hadn’t found an IDVA. I haven’t found anything since I was here last.
I’ve felt suspended in time.
In my total understanding of my total everything.

Anyway, Thanks for your message, your understanding.
I appreciate that and certainly wouldn’t just ignore you.

I remain grateful, for your time given to me.

Your advice and your offering of supportful help was truelly, much appreciated.

Warmest wishes to you

[Hazydayz]

Thankyou Looking up, I’m glad to read you have a great support worker. A friend to support me I don’t have, that’s why I’m looking for understanding support.
I understand what you said about a brain like mush 💞

[Hazydayz]

My Update? Twisted Sister I’m confused about what you messaged last. Your glad I have someone now? To let me know of other types of support in my area? And make referrels for me?

💞

[Hazydayz]

Thankyou Twisted sister for all your support, help and advice. There’s a lot to cover, so I’ll get back to you, thankyou❤️ I’m so sorry to read you suffer tremors as a result or part of what you have or are going through, I had considered, indentified, this may be the case with me also. But being diabetic?
I’ll get onto it!
Thank you again💐

[Hazydayz]

Thankyou Lisa. I really do hope there is real help out in the world in the form of organisations that empower women to be able to climb up and out of terrible situations they wake up to or find themselves in. I shall look for those who offer non judgemental understanding, help and support and don’t aim to bulldoze me along like I am unable to move or think for myself. I am a survivor afterall.

[Hazydayz]

That should have been, protect ourselves and our children if there are any? That’s what I meant by, their depending on it. Children don’t understand or can’t defend themselves.

[Hazydayz]

Hereforhelp thanks for your reply. No children only myself!
Well done you, for getting the recognition of being a good mum, despite what you and yours have been/are going through?
It’s a strange thing to read isn’t it… So long as your in control? they won’t get involved. Control…that’s what so many of us here have recognised we are struggling against, will continue to unless we leave/get help to leave. But, I understand what you mean they mean… being in control of being able to protect ourselves and any children who depend on it.

Immediate danger?…injury or death! To include… Future danger, or that of the danger of the damage caused by exposure or repeated exposure to traumatic events their consideration also isn’t it. I guess that’s all of us in it then isn’t it.
If only leaving was simpler, I’m not talking about trauma bonds, I’m talking about if only… we could be surrounded by those who love and understand, and could offer a hand of help to us, so we could climb out of it.
The fact is I believe, the lack of that love and support, help, is why we find ourselves in these terrible situations. I’ve worked that out for myself while I’ve been in this situation I found myself in. Anyway, just want to say…
I’m glad for you all you don’t live with your ex and your looking forward to the future with hope. I hope the system doesn’t fail you all, as you fear it might? I understand that fear.
I didn’t understand when reading your message what an ISVA is? Or an SA interview? Did you have to go through all that to get the support of a support worker? To deal with the practical stuff? Or is she your emotional support also?💞

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