Hopingforabetter2023

[Hopingforabetter2023]

also it may protect our joint child from him
I would ideally like him to have no contact with our son. I currently have a non mol. But this won’t last forever and social services will look at things like previous abuse and criminal past

[Hopingforabetter2023]

Hi
I initially reported to police in (detail removed by Moderator) of this yr.
I later retracted due to being coerced by him.
He didn’t change and ended up reporting again in (detail removed by Moderator).
I reported all types of abuse. Some things aren’t limited by time eg rape but others are.
I feel totally let down by police as warned them about his new victim and they did nothing and took so long to question him.
She was abused by him and it could have been stopped if they acted.
He destroyed her in only (detail removed by Moderator).
I doubt it will get to court but I will try so there is a record on file to try and protect others.
I applied under Clare’s law as ex partner and they disclosed. We share a baby together so maybe this was part of the reason they allowed the disclosure. If you apply they will ask you why and if you reported any abuse and if you want to.
I don’t know why but I feel guilty going to the police. God knows why. He won’t change. (detail removed by Moderator).
Only you know what’s right for you.
But police process is long and stressful. And I’m not sure it’s worth it but I don’t want another woman to go through what I have if I can help it

[Hopingforabetter2023]

Hi!
I went to the police too recently!
With support from my friends I called 101 and they sent an officer out to take me to the station.
I was there 4 hrs. I found it upsetting but cathartic. To be heard and believed and get my truth out.
I am struggling with people minimising his behaviour and wondering how he is and if he hates me for going to the police. I shouldn’t care but I still do.
I know it was the right thing for me to do or I would have had him back again and he really isn’t safe around me or my kids or our joint son.
I just don’t know if all the reading in the world will make me understand him.
Why me? Why pick me to abuse if he hadn’t done it to anyone before? Was it because I was pregnant and he thought that’s it I’ve got her now and can’t leave?
He would say no wonder all my exs left me and he would find someone else to have a family with and do it properly when he would threaten to leave.
He would call me names, shout and say I’m lazy etc and smash things.
He grabbed me by the head when I was asleep in bed one early morning. He threatened arson, to take our son and report me (before he was even born) and threatened me with a knife whilst pregnant.
Once I’d had our son he grabbed my arm and when I broke free he went for my throat with our tiny son in my arms.
I congratulate you on going to the police! It’s not easy to recognise the abuse and to seek help.
I hope you get the result you want and or deserve with them.
I’m struggling with not having control over the police, social services etc and landlord is selling so have the prospect of being homeless too.
My IDVA said I’m high risk but has been great when I’ve called when I’m struggling.

If you ever want to message me please do.

Good luck and keep moving forward even when you think you can’t
X

[Hopingforabetter2023]

Hi
I’m new on here.
Managed to get the courage to say don’t come back to my abusive ex and with support of friends and family reported him to the police.
It was so hard but cathartic at the same time.
I cried on the policeman and was just exhausted at the end of giving my statement.
I’m waiting on the police to gather information after arresting him and he has bail conditions.
I have managed no contact and have had safety measures out in place and lots of support.
It’s the waiting and everything still being out of my control that I’m struggling with.
And wondering what he is doing. Whether he realises or will ever realise how badly he has treated me and my children and our joint child who is tiny.
On top of this my landlord is selling so have no where to live. I was told the council would be in contact.
Everything is so up in the air.
I just want to sleep.
What happens with the police? Does anyone have experience in this?
And I found out from a mutual friend he’s back at (detail removed by moderator) blaming everyone but himself for him not being able to see his child
Thank you for listening

[Hopingforabetter2023]

Hi Pris

I’m new on here.
I managed to get my ex partner to leave (detail removed by Moderator) ago.
To make sure it was final I called the police a few days later to report him to make sure I wouldn’t ask for him to return.
I only managed to do this due to close friends holding my hand.
I’m still finding everything hard and want to know how my ex is but I can’t allow myself to call him.
I have blocked him on everything.
It’s the only way. Zero contact.
I don’t know about your circumstances but my ex has bail conditions and these have kept him away.
But his family are hassling me for contact with our son who is very young still.
Lean on your friend for support.
If you cave and get back together I’m sure your friend will understand and be there for you whatever.
The only thing that has helped me is keeping busy.
And time.
Although it still doesn’t seem real to me yet.
Let us know how you get on x

[Hopingforabetter2023]

Oh no! I’m so sorry for you having this on top as well.
I have been through this. It nearly destroyed me on top of everything else.
But I was rehoused. It’s not ideal. But much better than him knowing my location.
Please if you need someone to talk to reach out on here and to family and friends and support services.
Although horrendous I see it a a fresh start. Where new happy memories can begin to be made and maybe you will be able to do the same xx

[Hopingforabetter2023]

Thank you for replying Cornish.

His ex said he wasn’t abusive or violent to her.
That their relationship was lovely – prob like mine and his at the beginning.

I’m wondering if she’s lying, didn’t recognise it as abuse or whether he saved it all up for me as it really began when he got me pregnant.

But I’m so angry with her telling me it’s a ‘you’ problem.
No it’s not that’s the thing with abusive it’s a ‘him’ problem!

Why did he begin being abusive with me? Was it because I was pregnant?

Just trying to get my head round it all

Thanks again

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