Jeeves

[Jeeves]

@Lottieblue thanks for sharing, this makes me happy to know the programme could help. I am finding it really rough at the moment not because I am being treated any worse but I feel very emotional and like I am at breaking point

[Jeeves]

It’s nice to know I am not alone.

[Jeeves]

Hi Fay of the North

You storey is like mine. It has taken me years to realise certain behaviours are abusive and what I have normalised over the years. It’s really sad I sit and think how did we get here. Everytime they cross a line whether it’s throwing stuff at me to hurt me , holding my mouth shut so I don’t talk , kicking me or on the past holding me by the throat like you experienced, I somehow normalise it when I should have walked away . Recently I have had death threat and apparently I am being a drama queen they don’t mean it. The other day I got a list of 20 things I do, that cause them to react badly but reading and being on here has taught me they are responsible for their own actions. When I get mad I don’t hurt , hit , kick throw things or belittle . Be strong and like me we have to find our voice to tell others and not be ashamed to speak up anymore . I too am looking at counselling in secret cause I keep going “it’s not that bad” but I have a friend and when I speak to him and tell him he tells me it’s bad and I should not be there anymore . In my heart I know I need to go I just need the courage to. And of people don’t believe me that’s ok cause everyone thinks he is lovely

[Jeeves]

Thank you all so much it’s great to have support and not feel crazy . It annoys me when I get so pushed I engage in the conflict. I will keep sting and maybe one day the courage to go will be there. It’s the good days that keep me here and I need to member the bad are really bad.

[Jeeves]

Hi Awoman

Your story is familiar. I can say it will only get worse not better if you stay and harder to go . Read the book ‘ Why does he do that’ by Lundy Bancroft you can add it on your phone and those nights you want to cry , read the book . It will show you, you are not crazy as I imagine you must feel some days . Save your money , save copies of documents you need, this is what I do and one day if enough has been had , it will be easier to go.

[Jeeves]

Wow thanks for all the responses, I have been feeling so lost this week that it really does help to know this isn’t as easy as walking out the door. @Everyhopeful321 what you said was like your in my head . “I worry constantly about the effect on my children, it’s not even about being on my own, the thing that keeps me here is the belief that he would fall apart if I left, I’d be the bad person for leaving him, hurting him. And so I stay”
Also I think I don’t know how to go , I know he won’t let me take my daughter and in my head I have that this could all be civil. I want it to be civil. What if I am crazy and it’s all me I get this a lot as he has been nice this week , I question myself. I am trying to write it down all the bad times so I can help my sanity.

Jeeves

[Jeeves]

Hi Sunshinedrops

Your post and story are so familiar to me. I know the feeling of questioning yourself when they have had an outburst or are nasty then are nice and helpful for some time after. Never an apology though to acknowledge they were nasty or cruel. ( I got told off the other day for (detail removed by Moderator) cause it was theirs , if you saw the behaviour you would think I had done so on purpose) . Anyway It messes with your head and I think it makes it harder to go. Will people believe me is often what I think as my other half is only ever nasty behind closed doors. Anyway I just wanted to write to say I know how you feel, your not alone.

[Jeeves]

Thank you for your response and help. I am currently on the freedom programme it’s really great and eye opening . I am trying to stay strong. It’s really hard the constant pressure to give him another chance . He says I am not giving him a chance , trust me , he has had many. He is pressuring me to make a decision on whether we are getting divorced or not. Statics and my gut said he has not changed only on Wednesday did he try to get me to come home suggesting he was going to run away and do something . I totally called his bluff.

[Jeeves]

Thank you very much for your support and advice. It’s so hard as we have a child together and I don’t want her to be affected . You’re right as of yet he has not gotten help he said he would and as the days have gone by that has not happened and he now doesn’t want to see a therapist. My family have not been supportive to me , they say he is my husband I need to help him . Which makes me feel sick they don’t understand what abuse is and how awful he has been to me .

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