Keepbeingbrave

[Keepbeingbrave]

Thank you so very much for your responses, things are getting better and better each day, and the bad days are far and few in between now. For those who have managed to break away, I am immensely proud of you. For those who are still trying..I am proud of you. And for anyone who is living each day just trying to cope, I am proud of you aswell. Much love to you all xx

[Keepbeingbrave]

Abuse to me was the following:
Physical abuse (especially after he had drank) strangling, slapping, banging my head against walls, gripping my face, biting my mouth, pushing me over, throwing things at me.
Emotional abuse: I had to tell him where I was at all times, I couldn’t socialise with other people unless he was with me, I had to wait at home until he came back from work for me to go out, comparing me to his ex, commenting on my appearance, it was ugly, too thin. Name calling, insults. Telling me how my failed relationships were my fault…the list goes on.
Controlling abuse: checking my Facebook, checking if my friend lists had increased or decreased, checking comments and likes. Installing a camera in my home, coming into my work place to watch me at work, dictating who I could speak to, how I could behave. How I could dress, if I could dye my hair, paint my nails, how I could dress. How I conducted myself…the list goes on.

The effect this had on me was absolutely horrific.
I went from an outgoing social happy girl to an absolute shell of the girl I used to be.
I used to look at the floor, wouldn’t make eye contact with anyone.
I was a prolific liar when it came to injuries, when I had struggled to lie before in my life. I was constantly over explaining my actions to justify them and prove I was telling the truth.
Saying sorry all the time.
Nightmares
Anxiety
Anger issues
Self doubt
Desperation
Depression
Pts
Panic attacks

An abusive relationship leaves a huge amount of scars. And I think although everyone’s story is different. The men that cause this are the same.

[Keepbeingbrave]

Hey, sorry to hear that you feel like this. But it’s completely natural. Abuse takes a lot of time to recover and heal from and I truely believe you don’t ever completely recover. Give yourself time, time is what will help you. And I found that educating myself helped aswell. Support groups like this. You are amazing, you survived. Take that as a starting point and work forward from that. I had to stop myself feeling guilty and start making myself feel proud. Give yourself some more credit. This is your life now. You are in control. Focus on what you have done lately that you are proud of. Abusers have a very clever way of stripping any positive thoughts you have about yourself away I know, so even this can be a struggle. And I do agree with a previous post. Don’t force yourself to move on until you are ready. It will only cause you more harm if you aren’t healed and it sounds like you’re not just ready. Recovery will not happen overnight and (detail removed by Moderator) months down the line, as positive as I do feel I do still have bad days. But again, it’s to be expected. Xx

[Keepbeingbrave]

Many thanks to all you ladies for your kind words, advice and support.
I do feel calmer today, I feel like I’ve taken a step back so to speak from the ‘bubble of love’ that I had previously felt I was in in regards to my feelings towards him. And that has in turn left me feeling a bit more positive and stronger. I’m hoping this is a turning point for me in regards to actually finally leaving and taking steps to remove him from my life. I also plan to make an appointment with my local women’s aid office and talk to someone there as well which I haven’t even considered doing until now. Thanks so much again girls

[Author]

Posts