Manifest

[Manifest]

OMG – apologies ended that last message without saying – I wish you all the best. Thinking of you!

[Manifest]

Hi there antimoth – your story touched a nerve I guess it was the 2nd paragraph in particular… “I’m autistic with anxiety and he is neurological with anger issues and depression. He also drinks often. He doesn’t care what others think…” – sounds very similar to my own tale of horror, despite my own relationship being physically abusive as well as emotional etc – weirdly for me the emotional stuff messed me up much much more than the physical stuff… I am lucky in a way that I currently have a NHS psychologist he’s of the opinion that my autism is able to rationalise the physical violence in a way that the autism struggles to rationalise with emotional abuse and as such is much more difficult to treat and deal with. So from one non-typical to another… I think a neuro-typical abuser will seriously harm you… your autism can have benefits that not many neuro-typicals will ever be able to understand… Don’t let him mess with you and your beautiful brain… can you get back in contact with your psychologist or you may be able to get some assistance via the national autistic society

[Manifest]

Hey PeppaPig… my little ones CONSTANTLY sing that theme tune…:-) Anyways not in the right place to offer words of advice so sorry – but just wanted you to consider the “OCD” of your partner – OCD if it was his compulsion then it would be his obsessional compulsions – he wouldn’t be able to allow you to do it – I don’t really think that he has OCD… I have ASD (autistic spectrum disorder) with OCD tendencies, and its hard to explain but honestly as an OCD sufferer I can honestly say if your partner had OCD he simply would not be able to leave things lying about… so I have to agree with IWMB… me thinks your partner is most likely acting like my partner which I am VERY VERY recently and really ONLY starting to realise is nothing more than an abusive monster – sorry dont mean to call anyone a monster – but I am beginning to think my partner may have been one – and I also apologise for the spelling and grammatical errors… but I kind typing on a tablet a nightmare to try to correct!!!!

[Manifest]

toss, turn, toss turn, toss turn, read, tv, cuppa tea, read, tv, cuppa tea, toilet, read, toss turn, argh it’s still only 6.30 – then argh “mummy is it time to get up!”.. . time on clock 7.15am must have managed to get about 30mins sleep…head a foggy mess of tears and heartache… when I read “you can do anything you want now” first thoughts were YES – I can do anything I Want! Then S**T I can do anything I Want…! S**T! that suddenly scared the heart right out of my chest… i really need to calm down… perhaps the lack of sleep is causing the jitters… perhaps its the injuries… I want sleep

[Manifest]

Thank you all for your thoughts, and advice. I really am determined to stay away from him – it is just so hard. Particularly when the Kids keep wanting to see him and talk to him and begging to be near him! I really liked the analogy regarding the drug and withdrawal symptoms… growing up as a child with alcoholic and abusive parent – this really made sense… yes he’s my drug… drugs are bad… do the withdrawal… i should form this into some type of mantra. But every time they say “daddy” it just keeps ripping at my heart – I just don’t know how to get through a day – my normal was bad but it was A normal… this…this… this is… – I don’t know the words…is so hard… I guess all Junkies say the same…? DO the tears and wobbles ever stop? I know its really really early days but seriously how can I get through these early days… I don’t know if i can be strong enough to go cold turkey…?

[Manifest]

Sleep, I’m at a stage where I almost forget what sleep is… My relationship only very recently ended and still haven ‘t figured out how to get to sleep despite desperately needing somw. But in relation to your question about nervous habits… Please don,t judge, but when my partner used to start an angry tirade of abuse i would start counting the Fibonacci sequence to try to focus my brain away from his actual words, 1+1=2,1+2=3,3+2=5,5+3=8,8+5=13,13+8=21 etc hmmm not sure I explained that, basically adding the last two numbers… Argh again didn’t explain, sorry brain all scrambled. It also used to help me sleep but not working now… Maybe my partner was right, I talk a lot of garbage…

[Manifest]

It’s really hard, I keep looking at phone, saying to myself “just call him” , I guess ironically it’s lucky I’ve too mAny broken bones,I’ve been in to much pain to move towards the phone! My head has so many inner voices at the moment “the bones will heal”” the kids miss him” etc etc but thankfully the loudest one says “no”. The police sent a referral to WA and a lovely lady phones today, unfortunately covid-19 is playing havoc with counselling etc but I’ve at least for a starting point of contact, just can’t seem to stop this feeling of sinking further and further into some deep dark chasm of sorrow, not sure sorrow explains it, I’m so overwhelmed and lost. Zero tolerance…I know it sounds like the right thing to do but…. In a weird way it also sounds like calling him would make this pain less painful? I know I’m messed up, haven’t given in to calling him and really trying to keep focusing on listing the injuries over and over in my head, it’s seems to be the only thing that reminds me how close he was to killing me. The police took the CCTV and a wee diary i kept along with a dictophone of the abuse, but I wish I had them so I could focus on the daily bad/horrible and not let the rare ok moment- not sure if any of this makes sense

[Manifest]

Hi, I’m only a newbie to this forum and literally out of a very physically and emotionally abusive relationship, can’t offer any words of wisdom as i ‘m still a mess, but just wanted to agree with iwantmeback, my incident only occurred (detail removed by moderator), the police were were great, they had panic alarms installed in my home before I even discharged myself from hospital, but they gave me all this info that explained how the panic alarms etc, my landline, and a mobile that they supplied me (as I was never allowed obe) are all linked to some central response system whereby an emergency call will immediately issue a response team. It’s supposed to make me feel safer – if being honest though not sure if anything could make me feel safer at moment though. They have assured me that these will result in a faster response time!?!?

[Manifest]

Sorry just read back over what I wrote sorry about spelling mistakes and predictive text thing. I meant to write when we went out of i didn’t have my head down he’s call me a slut and then it would escalate

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