Muna

[Muna]

I don’t feel like they ‘help’ at all and I def feel like they have been taken in by his charm! It’s so frustrating. I’m a good mum and I left the relationship in order to protect my children so why would I put them at risk now! It’s been a long time since we split up so why now! I feel like they have their assumptions without any evidence to back it up yet they still can’t back down. I’ll never get an apology but when they are wrong they need to take responsibility

[Muna]

They’ve said I’m doing everything right, but they need to see that it continues…. Grr why would I go backwards when I’ve made so much progress!

[Muna]

Well said Shine Bright! They’re lying manipulators! Who for some reason manage not to have to do any therapy to sort their heads out but it takes us years to recover n have therapy. Systems are backwards! There’s so much out there to help young girls recognise abuse in relations but not enough to prevent people becoming abusers. Sad world

[Muna]

So sorry to hear that shine bright, I honestly thought there would be more support, but like u I can’t afford a peice of paper that says ‘injunction’ – and won’t actually help, there’s no conditions in place for the violent man who is ‘placing my children at a significant risk’ and I can’t get the locks changed either! Seems so daft!!

I’m not giving up easy Ayanna!!!! It took me so long to get out of the relationship safely and with the least impact to my kids, it makes me so mad when they say that my kids are at risk because I might go back!!! We’ve been separated for a very long time and he’s not had contact with me or the kids until those bright sparks told him I was in hospital. Raaaa so mad at them for not even apologising or taking responsibility!

[Muna]

Thanks ENM xx

[Muna]

I rang the police!! None of its true, it was a pack of lies from my abusive ex! He does everything he can to sabotage me! I really need to stop believing a word that comes out of his mouth! It’s unreal to think someone you once loved can be so vile even after the breakup! I was a wreck today. I can’t let him keep bringing me down like this!

[Muna]

Good advice PP!!! They will use anything against us do the last thing I need is to out ‘agression’ to my long list of issues! 🙂

I think they are so busy they take info at face value n don’t stop to think is the victim or the perpetrater more likely to be honest and who’s more likely to manipulate the truth! I would like to think in their shoes I would do a better job. She’s never been in my shoes and vice versa!

[Muna]

That’s exactly how i feel!! It doesn’t matter how hard I try, they find a negative in everything!! I think they think mental health has an on off button and I just need to get on with being a mum!

He used his assessment visit to slander me and make really hurtful allegations and she went and wrote them in the bloody assessment for me to read but then says I can’t have contact with him because he might say hurtful things to me… I thought she was assessing my children not me! I’m so angry that he’s managed to manipulate her and even more disheartened that she thinks she can tell me about perpetrators of domestic violence Coz she read a book!!

I’m a survivor!! We know! We’re the experts!

[Muna]

I was in a similar situation and I reported it. It has split the family up. I have no support what’s so ever. They ignore me and the children as they would rather Bellevue that I am I liar than have to reflect on how they could have made things different or how I chose not to turn to them sooner instead of the police. The police say this is very common. I can’t help you make a decision but I thought I would share this. I called my mum afterwards to check she was ok. I thought she would be upset and want to hug me and say sorry. Instead she refused to speak to me as she is so angry and has told everyone that I’m a liar. Lucky for me the abuse was recent and DNA will prove I haven’t lied. But if its historic abuse, you may find it hard to fight for your justice. I assume you want justice by going to the police? If you just need therapy for yourself, you could do that first and see how you feel afterwards. Maybe talk to your family so you will have justice without the repurcussions meaning you lose your family network. For me, I’m so angry that everyone has taken his side that justice is more about the DNA test coming back than him getting sentenced. My reason for going to the police is because I have young children and I wouldn’t been able to explain why i didn’t want him having contact with her. I hope this helps. What ever decision you make will be the right decision if it is yours and no one else’s xx hugs xx

[Muna]

This was explained to me. Hard to evidence etc. Fortunately from reading someone’s posts on here I kept diary entries. It didn’t matter how insignificant it was, now I’ve learnt more about it I realise there was more controlling behaviours than I realised. I didn’t even realise I was being financially abused and when I read an article on it I can’t believe I never recognised it as it is so obvious now! Definitely keep diary records, like they told me, he can say I made up a statement after an argument but why would i fabricate stories for three months… He could still say I lied of course but he would need a good solicitor to prove it

[Muna]

I wish i could have bern Part of that
forum HArvhivd but only just seen this.
My ex is on bail. No orders in place n no charge. They r trying to pursue one element of it but are completely missing the bigger picture! It’s the control that’s destroyed me, not the physical incidents. They all happened when I felt so low and worthless that there wasn’t really any emotional impact

[Muna]

I’ve said no contact and I’m sticking to it so there is nothing social workers can do to make my kids any safer than they already are. They can assess if they want to waste their time following procedure . The police want me to do a DVD interview?? Does this mean j don’t have to go to court? I want them to charge him for control and coercion but they’ve said that it’s too hard to prove n they’re focusing on the assault

[Muna]

I couldn’t do it. I let him back in, it’s resulted in him being arrested and s MARAC case. I’m such a fool to have let it get this bad. But atleast now I have orders in place so no contact will be much easier. Finding a bright side to look at 😞

[Muna]

This is so hard

[Muna]

We have kids and because of child care and shifts there will have to be contact so we can share care and contact will have to be in the home. I will definitely look up brain washing and will have to keep reminding myself of the bad times so I don’t get manipulated

[Author]

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