Musicalmad

[Musicalmad]

My solicitor told me that they can force you to pay half of the mortgage but that you can also force them to pay maintenance for having to live somewhere else and the two things cancel eachother out x

[Musicalmad]

Can I also ask… Did it take a long time to get to his stage of accepting its over? X

[Musicalmad]

Well done. 😀 so appy for you. This is giving me hope as I have been living with my parents for a while but I am scared to make the next step of actually telling him its completely over and I want a divorce. Not because he woud do anything to me but because of how upset he will be. His dad is dying and I do feel guilty. Hope I can get to your stage. Your so strong x

[Musicalmad]

Thank you so much for your reply. Its so amazing to hear that you are impressed that I left as I have been encouraged by everyone to try and make it work. ‘you have to work at marriage blah blah blah’. I really did marry for life. He never hit me but I was shoved and the night I left he trashed the house and threw bits of chair at me. I just cant go back. So embarrassing having a marriage last less time than (detail removed by Moderator)! He is also trying to tempt me by saying he’ll buy my dream house. He does not accept it is over and to be honest I havnt told him it is. I was hoping for weeks on end he could be sorry and get help but now I dont think that will ever happen. Thank you so much for your reply. I needed to be told not to feel guilty. Its hard after I have cared about him so much for years x

[Musicalmad]

The women on here are truely AMAZING XXX

[Musicalmad]

Thanks everyone. I have been an open book and my parents are great. I have spoken to Wa they were fab and have given me a number to ring. Work know what is going on and have thanked me for not taking any days off. I have been at home for weeks and weeks now but tiredness is not better. Jupiter you are right. I know I should put an end to it totally but I cant come to terms with it as we are so recently married. Thank you all so much for your advise and support

[Musicalmad]

I have a question also. I am reading ‘why does he do that’ and he didnt show even one of the early warning signs of being an abuser forthe first (detail removed by Moderator). Also he claims to still have an anger issue not an abusive one because he often gets annoyed at inanimate objects and trashes his own things not just mine. Sometimes when I get scared of hisanger he says ‘Im not directing it towards you, I am angry at something else’ do you think he has developed ptsd and anger issues after his Dads crash? His behaviour change happened a couple of months after his crash.
Thanks

[Musicalmad]

Thank you for your support. I have just been reading somone elses post where a woman is in a very similar situation to me and she said her husband has not cried sibce she left. That was a lightbulb moment as I didnt even think about the fact that mine hasnt either! Just getting my head around the fact that he in fact does not love me is so strange.

[Musicalmad]

I am in such a similar situation to Grenache and I’d never realised before reading her post that my husband has also not cried at all! It never even occurred to me. Im crying buckets and feeling sorry for him and he is not even bothered (as he says he is sorry). I left after my (detail removed by Moderator) of marriage. All my friends and family are telling me to give him a chance as his father is very ill and could die at any moment. They dont seem to hear that he assaulted me and I am scared to go back. Greneche, Im still not knowledgeable enough about abuse myself but all I can say is I understand how you feel as on our wedding day I truely believed he loved me and now he isnt even sorry. We will be ok. We are not abusers and deserve to be free

[Musicalmad]

How dare they treat you like this. I am so angry on your behalf. Im about to go to councelling and its helping me to think ‘right, one step at a time’ instead of having to think of the whole leaving and getting over it in one big chunk. It helps if I just think of being free. Im not seeing my husband after he assaulted me in our (detail removed by Moderator) of marriage! You and I would never treat anyone like that so you have every right not to see him (detail removed by Moderator). Think of yourself and be kind to yourself. Get support. You are not weak, you’ve already got out before, something that I need to do, and you are a woman to be admired for that. Don’t let them put you down.

[Musicalmad]

Hey. At least you’ve been able to recognise it straight away. I’m no expert but surely that shows that you have learnt from the last relationship. I hope you are not too far in to the relationship, if you are not living with him then it’s easier to put an end to it. Don’t blame yourself as you have not hurt anyone remember. You are good

[Musicalmad]

Thank you all so much for replying and being so understanding. It is definitely helping. I didnt know if it was abuse as day to day we have a really great relationship and he seems to care for me a lot. I thought I might be being oversensitive as everyone tells me the first year of marriage is the hardest. Most of my friends are telling me to work at it. I always wanted to be married for life. Again thank you so much for the support. I have bought the book you have recommended and I’m ringing the helpline tonight x

[Musicalmad]

Thanks so much for getting back to me. I was worried that the anger management might not help. I just can’t seem to accept that it’s over already. I love him and we had everything we needed for a fantastic life. Beautiful house, both have good careers, we both want children. The years leading up to getting married were so wonderful. Everything changed when his Dad had a crash. Do I just give up on it? I started to think he’s going through a mental breakdown?

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