NopeNope

[NopeNope]

Thanks for your replies. I’ve started journaling, sometimes my brain feels too messy to journal but then I realise that’s exactly when I need to do it. It helps to see my thoughts written out and it makes me feel less overwhelmed.

Some days I feel really good and then other days feel hard, but I fear you’re right about healing taking more time than I want it to @Tian. I think one of my biggest fears is that this is it- I escaped the abuse and this is how I’ll feel for the rest of my life. I’m not in the relationship anymore but I still feel like I’m trapped. I want to believe that my future is still bright. I want to believe that I could have a healthy and loving relationship at some point, or if not, that I could be single, content and living a fulfilling life. It just feels like a pipe dream sometimes. I know I won’t feel this way forever, but it just feels that way right now.

I thought ending the relationship would be the hardest part of all this. But it’s actually rebuilding yourself that’s the real struggle. Undoing years of conditioning and emotional damage. But I’ve made it this far, we all have.

I think I will talk to a therapist.

[NopeNope]

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. My ex gaslit me constantly, during arguments and even normal conversations where he was adamant that I’d said or done something I hadn’t.

Well done for leaving, it can be so hard. Remember to keep trusting yourself and don’t let them convince you of things that aren’t true.

[NopeNope]

Your post brings back so many memories of my relationship, especially the part about feeling controlled even though he never directly told me what to do or what not to do. It was always his response to things that put me on edge, especially if I went out with friends or didn’t give him enough attention.

You’ve done the right thing by telling people and moving out. He’ll try and convince you to take him back but if he was really going to change he would have by now. If he was serious about dealing with his insecurities and issues he would’ve taken the initiative to get help instead of waiting for you to take the steps you have.

Hold onto that sense of relief, it’s your body telling you that you did the right thing. It’s normal to feel sorry for him but it’s not your job to take him back and endure the emotional abuse.

Sending you lots of support, you’re stronger than you think.

[NopeNope]

He is gaslighting you and his behaviour definitely isn’t normal or healthy. He’s trying to make you question your reality but you should trust your feelings- if something feels wrong then something is wrong. My partner does the same thing and becomes aggressive if I refuse to back down and accept his version of events.

Sorry you’re going through this ❤️

[NopeNope]

Bananaboat: yes I’m afraid that it will escalate further. Him climbing on top of me is new. Sometimes I wonder why I keep giving him the benefit of the doubt when he doesn’t deserve it.

Lisa: thank you, I’m doing a lot of questioning and it’s giving me the mental strength I need to work towards leaving.

Sad and alone: I’ve asked him so many times but he doesn’t listen. I’ve tried being angry at him, sitting him down and calmly explaining why I don’t like his behaviour. It seems like it goes in one ear and out the other but I’m beginning to realise that he knows what he’s doing. He is pushing my boundaries. I would never continue doing something to someone if they’d explicitly told me that they didn’t like it. He gets frustrated when I don’t agree with him; usually when his recollection of something or his opinion differs from mine and I won’t give in and agree. He will often tell me that I’ve done or said something that I know with certainty I haven’t done or said and that sets him off.

[NopeNope]

I’m having a similar experience to you; in a long-term relationship where the abuse started (detail removed by Moderator) months into the relationship. I didn’t leave when it first started because I didn’t understand that it was emotional abuse and not just my partner having a bad day (I was younger and used to think that domestic abuse was only physical). However, over the years the abuse has shifted and become more physical, and that’s what opened my eyes. Like you, I’ll never be able to forget or forgive all the things he did years ago.

You deserve to be treated with love and respect, no amount of abuse is ever acceptable. You’re not being unreasonable in wanting to leave now, you’re entitled to put yourself first. The only unreasonable thing is that he ever abused you in the first place!

[NopeNope]

I’m in a similar situation but haven’t left yet, but this is part of the abuse cycle. An incident happens, the abuser apologises, things might even get better for a short while, but it never lasts and it ends up happening again.

You’ve broken the cycle by leaving and you should be really proud of yourself because it’s such a difficult thing to do. Your emotions are normal. Something my therapist told me that has really helped is that putting yourself first doesn’t always feel great, sometimes it feels really bad but that’s only because you’re not used to doing it.

Sending you lots of support ❤️

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