Peace and pain

[Peace and pain]

well i have just seen him whilst driving pulled up next to him he looks awful – isaid are you ok and he sai dyes i said can we talk and he said no nottoday he is stressed and had some bad news

i was weak and sent him this email
I don’t really know what to say I have tried to beg,plead with you . I can say I miss u, love you miss trying to be a good wife it’s really all not important , I can give you space , I can forgive you I can not forget but all of this is totally pointless , when I married you I didn’t take on your stress problems I became a wife which is to help you and support you . I have not got a clue what is going on and only you do . As a husband I you should be able to tell me anything yeah I may have a different opinion but you have different opinions than me but that is life . I can not be there for you when you don’t let me in . Everyone says it gets easier haha well it does not I saw you today omg I just wanted you to tell me you problems your worries that is what a wife is for , anyway I am at an end of what I can do , I have had so much go on the past few weeks and the one person I wanted to be there was my husband I feel like half of me has gone my mr right like I was your mrs right . I really have no idea what is going on but I can not help you if you don’t let me .
If you need to talk ( not about us because I am not even ready to go there ) about anything you know where I am and my number is
Look after your self make sure you eat and sleep and be strong I know deep down you are a mess and that’s not you the jay I meet was my rock my wide boy and that’s who I loved x

i have done everything i can and hopefully this will be the last contact i have i hate him but love him if that makes sense and really think he has a mental illness for years ago that he has just covered up and i still think him having a normal life is too uch and he doesnt know how to cope and runs away

i felt it was right to email but now think am i just playing into his game but i still think there is more to do with mental health problems on his side i am scared to be proved wrong

[Peace and pain]

husband walked out 3 weeks ago ( now 4 weeks ) he changed his number , i beeged via email twice and the third email was more ok you have made your choice but what about divoice etc and i have paper workof yours . no reply nothing ( that was all the week he left ) i spoke to his dad in week 2 he didnt have a clue we where over he had heard from him he was worried – i emiled husband saying your dad is worried etc i dont understand –
his dad was good and his step mum but couold tell me anything – husband contacted them and i recieved a call monday from step mum saying he was safe and could i forwar on any letters to them and that was it .
week 3 on the thursday he drove past me and beeps – i beeped back and convinced my self that was his way of making contact and then i snapped out of it and through no all mind games but also said that will twist his head more than mine – i was right an hour later passed again and he shouted hello – i by this time throught what a twat that was just perfectic and rude anyway parked outside my friends house and he had turned his ban around and followed me up there – the conversation went as
are you ok – yes i said are you sure yes i said
i have been told you have been slagging me off – no by who
dont want to say ( guess that lie then ) anyway long and shout of it i was strong and said you have screwed my kids up they dont know why you left and no do i and i can not give them answer my 8 years wants to drive the streets to offer you money or a bed to sleep in my 10 year old said i am guttless and weak for putting up with what you did
he asked if i had any letters and his log book and i said nosent them all back and he said what do i do now
he asked if i had his razor i said no packed everything like you said but i will have a look
i said to him i gave him everything even all the problems with his children (yes his guilt and resentment of my children caused the domestic abuse )
he said he is not staying at this daugthers anymore he is in a hostel and he is on his arse – i said well you walked out
he said he is waiting on a scan – i said well i dont know you never talk to me
i think i handled it well but i feel so so bad why did i say things was this his way of wanting me back – i am so confused
my friend wrote an emailed basically saying there was no need to beep or stop me you where not man enough to apologise you are not the man i meet and will never change there is no need for cotact the next contact will be when i file for divoice
omg now what will he ever contact me
my friends are begining to get angry with me and say i need to forcus on my children and he is scum and dosent care or love me as he would not of just gone – but they dont understand that is him and i am still convinced he loves me as to why stop me
this is so hard i love him so much and the person i meet is not who he is now but i can not let go .

[Peace and pain]

my husband walked out (detail removed by moderator) weeks ago changed his number had no contact and then thursday stopped me and spoke to me i was angry and kept saying you walked out and nothing – he said he had found something and has to have a scan he is also living in a hostel ( is this lies ?? ) i so so love him and want the happy happy family . my friendemailed him with words to the effect you are not the person i meet and will never change you didnt even appologise and the ony contact we need is when i file for divoice . you walked out .
i now feel awful as though it is wrong i dont want a divoice i want him i want him to get help i love him so much
help me please .

[Peace and pain]

thanks
i stil have such mixed emotions i feel drainned i cry every day just wanting to know why – i strongly believe that all the abuse was downto his family v’s me and not been able to make it blend ( my head is saying stop excusing him ) i ahte himfor what he has down why he was never man enough to put me first his children are adults at the end of the day
i feel sick to the stomach why marry me why come backafter we seperated to stay for (detail removed by moderator) weeks and then just go vanish as if i am dead and menat nothing to him

[Peace and pain]

why has he not come home why
he used to control me all the time he used to always come back after a couple of days ( and we wherein contact over the phone during those period ) why is he doing this to me and my children i can not answer their questions

[Peace and pain]

i am convince my husband ( depafrted (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago no contact he stopped me last week has spun my head all over the place ) i think he has mental health and has just avoided everything debt , etc and got with me and i am the opposite (~ apart from when i was with him and kind of followed his way – now on my own back on traack or should i say everythink is in control and been paid now – but i think he is an avoider and always has been and since he was with me it scared him and he run away again ( (detail removed by Moderator)th time ) but he always came back before now he hasnt and broken me and i just keep making excuses its because his head is messed up and i beg him and plead him to come back in (detail removed by Moderator) emails in (detail removed by Moderator) weeks because i feel so sorry for him and want to help him

[Peace and pain]

i saw him today and i drove next to him said are yu ok he said yes he asked where i was going i said to out to get away from everything
i said can we talk he said no not today he is stress and had some bad news – he drove the opposite way to me
he looked awful

i was weak and sent him this email
I don’t really know what to say I have tried to beg,plead with you . I can say I miss u, love you miss trying to be a good wife it’s really all not important , I can give you space , I can forgive you I can not forget but all of this is totally pointless , when I married you I didn’t take on your stress problems I became a wife which is to help you and support you . I have not got a clue what is going on and only you do . As a husband I you should be able to tell me anything yeah I may have a different opinion but you have different opinions than me but that is life . I can not be there for you when you don’t let me in . Everyone says it gets easier haha well it does not I saw you today omg I just wanted you to tell me you problems your worries that is what a wife is for , anyway I am at an end of what I can do , I have had so much go on the past few weeks and the one person I wanted to be there was my husband I feel like half of me has gone my mr right like I was your mrs right . I really have no idea what is going on but I can not help you if you don’t let me .
If you need to talk ( not about us because I am not even ready to go there ) about anything you know where I am and my number is
Look after your self make sure you eat and sleep and be strong I know deep down you are a mess and that’s not you the jay I meet was my rock my wide boy and that’s who I loved x

i dont know what to do i can not see past that he is mentally ill and messed up in the head
i think i have tried everything i can but i dont seem to be able to move on

[Peace and pain]

well i saw him again today – he looks a mess
i was side by side in the car i said are you ok and he said yes i said can we talk he said no not odayhe has had some bad news and really stressed
i was weak and sent this email

I don’t really know what to say I have tried to beg,plead with you . I can say I miss u, love you miss trying to be a good wife it’s really all not important , I can give you space , I can forgive you I can not forget but all of this is totally pointless , when I married you I didn’t take on your stress problems I became a wife which is to help you and support you . I have not got a clue what is going on and only you do . As a husband I you should be able to tell me anything yeah I may have a different opinion but you have different opinions than me but that is life . I can not be there for you when you don’t let me in . Everyone says it gets easier haha well it does not I saw you today omg I just wanted you to tell me you problems your worries that is what a wife is for , anyway I am at an end of what I can do , I have had so much go on the past few weeks and the one person I wanted to be there was my husband I feel like half of me has gone my mr right like I was your mrs right . I really have no idea what is going on but I can not help you if you don’t let me .
If you need to talk ( not about us because I am not even ready to go there ) about anything you know where I am and my number is
Look after your self make sure you eat and sleep and be strong I know deep down you are a mess and that’s not you the jay I meet was my rock my wide boy and that’s who I loved x

i feel thats my last message i can send but is that a wrong move he so so looked a mess

[Peace and pain]

did you ever get over it
do you still want him back
my husband had no contact 3 weeks and then stopped me – why i am confussed was it to hurt me or can he see he still loves me
i emailed saying bascially no man enough to apolgise
you walked out
not the person i meet and will never change
only contact will be divoice
( my friend wrote the email ) now i am sick to the stomach as i love him and was that his way of trying and now i have pushed him away
friend are loosing patients with me as they all can see what he is like but tthey do not understand the domestic abuse and the games they play and deep down my husband had a crap life and so changed with me – stopped drinking got a job ( still claimed full disabilty benifit which i have found out is fraud and they are invstigating him ) but he did change alot and i put the abuse down to his family problems who wouldnt get annoyed and angery when my life is normal ( as can be ) and his family was dis functional so i think he was jealous and then in trn that turned into abuse
i love him so much i feel empty and can not move forward as much as i try
why after 3 weeks nothing and then stop me

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