Strongenough

[Strongenough]

Sorry to hear of your situation, opening up is the first step and in my experience a huge relief. It’s a very brave thing to do and well done for reaching this point. You might want to make a long term practical plan, where your going to live if your leaving etc and look at a safety plan. You local women’s aid can help with safety planning. Please take their advice as leaving an abusive relationship increases risk of further harm.

I hope your family are supportive and can help you, and remember you have lots of strong supportive women here on this forum. Good luck.

[Strongenough]

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I had a similar situation and in the end I made the painful and difficult decision to lose my belongings, sentimental items were amongst this and it pained me for a very long time.

I can’t advise you what to do I can only let you know your not alone in this experience. I get what you mean when you say “he’s in control again”. That’s how I felt and for me the only way I could feel as though I could take control back was to not play his games but with the high price of losing my items. He wouldn’t have given me everything anyway, again control and contact is usually what they are seeking.

[Strongenough]

So great to hear you are in a good place @footballfan1. I remember doing the freedom programme and thinking, “it’s not me, I’m not mad, he really is an abuser”. Like you say it gives clarity.

I believe education and peer support from other survivors are a perfect prescription for healing. I’m so proud of have far you’ve come, you and the kids keep healing, keep growing, and as cliche as it sounds, “go live your best lives”. Xx

[Strongenough]

Thanks @footballfan1 I will give that a watch. I remember watching Dirty John on Netflix a while after I left. Lots of similarities in that I could identify with my own experiences.

[Strongenough]

Ps your definitely not crazy! Although most likely he will try to convince you that you are!

[Strongenough]

Welcome to the forum,

Your experience and feelings are personal to you, none of us here will judge you. From what I can take from your post there are abusive behaviours being demonstrated by your husband. Not taking into account your feelings, blaming you and controlling finances are all very typical DA behaviours.

It’s hard in the beginning and most women on here will tell you it takes time to realise your in an abusive relationship. You’ve made the first step by creating this post. Keep posting and reaching out. There are a lot of experienced members on here that listen and give advice from their own experience. Your local Women’s Aid can help also. X

[Strongenough]

I am no expert and only have my own lived experience to go on. I suffered a lot of anxiety when I was in my abusive relationship and it got worse in the early days of me leaving. At times I struggled to leave the house and was frozen in fear if I ever witnessed a male raise his voice, even on TV.

For me it’s lessened as time has passed but I still get smaller episodes from time to time. I have better coping mechanisms now. If your worried contact your GP. I had anxiety medication for a short period but it wasn’t for me. I found counselling more helpful.

Take Care x

[Strongenough]

Good for you Twix,

You’ve done amazing. It’s not easy to see through the haze when your in it and trying to survive and protect them at the same time. Don’t listen to him or his family, put yourself first, you deserve it. X

[Strongenough]

I agree with bananaboat, I too entered counselling a few years after I left. For me it made me realise I hadn’t dealt with the abuse I had only learnt a new way to survive. I found it really helpful eventhough I had initially been skeptical.

[Strongenough]

Glad to hear your OK, as exhausting as it is reporting him to police everytime is really the only way to go. Isn’t it strange how they act once they lose control over you!

[Strongenough]

Hi icandothis,

This must have been very frightening for you. Please let us know you are safe, well done for calling the police.

[Strongenough]

Thank you for your kind words as always @Nbumblebee. Never underestimate your value to this forum and the people you reach out to. You have also picked me up when I’ve been low, and for that I am truly grateful. There’s such a strength in you that no matter how bad things are for you, you find it in yourself to support others. ❤️

[Strongenough]

Thanks @footballfan1,

I read a quote the other day that really sums up this forum.

“One day you will tell your story of what you went through and it will become someone else’s survival guide”.

You have all helped me so much on this forum, I’m glad my posts help you and others. X

[Strongenough]

@Stronglife, what powerful words, “He can live in his Web of lies and I can have a calm happy life”.

Thank you, you have no idea how much I needed to hear this, it’s very apt to my situation, and made me think I need to stop worrying about him lying to everyone about me.

[Strongenough]

Abusers care only about themselves and getting what they want, unfortunately this means they will not consider the impact of their actions on you.

I’m glad you reached out to the police and this forum tonight, going through this must be terrible for you and its important not to try and manage all on your own. I know first hand how soothing posting on here can be when your worried or afraid. I hope you have other supports also for your grief and trauma, take care x

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