Alittlelost

[Alittlelost]

Im not really sure what to do. There is a donestic abuse worker im in contact with because of the other emotional control stuff going on. I dont know if i should message her and tell her or not. I dont want want to be reported in a risk assssment or go to marac again. I messaged her only few weeks ago saying i felt like his temper was getting worse now this. I worry if i say this to her she will have do a risk report? Does anyone know?

[Alittlelost]

My mums like this. Constant contact through out the day every day. It drives me insane. If i dont reply quickly she panics and sends more and more messages. She used to make me video call her ecery day when i was at university.sometimes multiple times a day.
I working with my therapist at the moment to figure out to how to set boundaries with my mum. My father was the abusive one to me as a child in a different way now its become my mother in a totally different kind of way.

[Alittlelost]

I dont know i was trying to do something to help him and he punch pushed me away in the stomach. It was his automatic reaction and i dont think he was really thinking much when he done it. He said sorry and that just what i was trying to help with was making him feel bad. So maybe i unknowingly triggered something in him to upset him thats why he done it. I know its no excuse because i was only being nice and trying to help him and somehow it upset him but its my fault.

[Alittlelost]

I dont think he meant to do it though. It was kind of a push and punch in one go to the stomach to get me away from him because he was angry. It was just a respone i really dont think he meant it to be as bad as it actaully came out to be. He did message me to say sorry and seemed guenily sorry after. Maybe it was a accident kind of… i dunno just a wrong response he didnt mean.

[Alittlelost]

I feel stupid for writing this now and like ive over reacted.sorry.

[Alittlelost]

Thanks for the post. My partner pyhiscally attacked and then sexually assulted me in this area years ago a few times. It got dealt with through marac but im still with the same partner and sex with him just isnt the same anymore. I dont want it alot the time and its just not the same anymore. I dont think itl ever be how it was before ever again for me.

[Alittlelost]

When i first met him i was underweight catagory and now im technicaly classed as overweight so its a big difference to when i met him so i can kind of understand but i feel he is being a bit mean about it on purpose given rest of his behaviours too.

[Alittlelost]

Thanks for the reply. I have just started therapy for the childhood abuse but my therapist doesnt want to deal with that straight away. I read living with the dominator which i could relate to alot sadly in my situation.

I had a DV worker but i quit working with her because i felt bad that i moaned and then never left my partner. I emailed her today, i will see if she replies or not.

Thanks for the support.

[Alittlelost]

Thanks. Its first time in a very long time i felt like he could of got pyhsically violent with me or my pet but he didnt thankfully. He was very over worked and tired. He came said sorry after and knew i was upset. Was just bit scary seeing him flip. He flips rarely these days but it scares me when he does because what he done in the past.

Im ok today though. I think. He seens much better today.

[Alittlelost]

Thanks everyone. I maybe take a break or something i dont know. Im just really stressed and dont know how to cope i push things away more. Thanks for ur support though.

[Alittlelost]

Worest part is i would actually love a child but with my disabilities i couldnt look after a child at all. Not now and maybe not ever. I cant even look after myself most the time. But ohwell. Thanks for ur support. I will just have to wait and see.

[Alittlelost]

Its too early to find out. It wont show in a test for atleast another week i dont think and thats only if i brought one those really good expsencive tests. I just have to wait.

[Alittlelost]

Im left waiting to find out if i will be pregnate or not and the worry is so hard to deal with. I dont know what i will do if i am. I doubt i am but theres a chance because when it happened theres higher chances too. I cant deal with this.

[Alittlelost]

Now i have to worry if im pregnate because one thing that happened. It feels like ages till i will know or not. Its only few weeks but feels like ages. Im just so worried.

[Alittlelost]

Something happened at home and i pushed my community domestic abuse worker away. Shes left the door open if i want to go back but im fed up of moaning about things then not leaving. I know how annoying i must be to everyone. I annoy myself. Anyway as i said its just a bad relationship and i usual and i dont deserve anyones help. Im just going to get on with life.

[Author]

Posts