Bubblegum.

[Bubblegum.]

Thank you for the advice. In the end he acted really good about the split and didn’t cause any scenes which makes me think I will regret this, my head really is all over the place! I just cannot believe what is going on in my life right now, it’s very hard to cope with day in and day out.

I really want to join a support group or have therapy, can you recommend anyone?
Thanks

[Bubblegum.]

Thank you for your kind words. I keep thinking about all the times I retaliated, I became a person I didn’t recognise. I think to myself I made matters worse, I said things I’m not proud of etc, makes me wonder if I have exaggerated everything and I’m the person in the wrong. I am feeling pretty hopeless right now xx

[Bubblegum.]

Hello this is such an interesting topic!

What I question is how do you know you’re going through trauma bonding? Maybe we genuinely think they have changed and want to give our marriage another go? Especially when they are not getting in contact with you after, makes you wonder that they are sane people and that maybe I’ve built it up bigger in my head??

[Bubblegum.]

Thank you all the advice is amazing as always xxx💕💕💕

[Bubblegum.]

Hi muddyboots, my slip says stress so do I have to tell them why or can I say it’s personal issues and then when I actually go back then have that conversation with my manager? Yeah it is really hard but it sounds to me like you’ve been really brave which is amazing to read. Xx

[Bubblegum.]

Hello, I also have a formal meeting in the next few weeks about my absence, I have been signed off. Do I have to disclose why I have been off as they want to discuss reasons why I have been off? I am really not ready to open up just yet, especially in a formal meeting.
Thanks

[Bubblegum.]

This is such an inspiring post, I do wonder what it’ll be like after separation and to know some of the possible stages makes me feel less scared if that makes sense?

@hetty I too have been having dreams about my husband being with another woman and it made me feel sad, it made me feel if another woman can be with him then why can’t I?? I think I’ve always been scared that when I leave I’ll have all the regrets whilst he finds someone and makes a family. He thinks he’s the victim in all this and I think that’ll give him a lot of confidence to go do better in life as if I have done something bad to him xx

[Bubblegum.]

I’m still going through a lot of emotions but I just wanted to let you know you’re not on your own. I’m still learning to deal with everything but this site has really helped me, everyone has been so lovely and inspiring xx

[Bubblegum.]

Hi Raindew.

What you have just stated sounds horrible, in my opinion this is abuse and I’m so happy for you that you’re out of this relationship before it goes any further and complicated.

I have also doubted and questioned if my relationship was abusive and I know it’s a lonely and dark place to be. Sometimes I still doubt myself. I can relate to some of the things you’ve said.

You’ve done amazing to leave, I think what I’ve learnt is listen to your instinct. You’re worth so much more and there’s someone out there that’ll treat you right and respect you for who you are. No one needs to change you, if you can spend this time to love yourself to know your self worth and learn from it.

Please see this as a blessing and things will get better 💕

[Bubblegum.]

Thanks so much for your kind words and advice really appreciate it xx

[Bubblegum.]

That is very true. Do you mind me asking if you have left? Sorry you don’t need to say if you don’t want to.
X

[Bubblegum.]

Thank you for your kind words. It’s just when people around you are saying if you think it can work out then you need to decide. I always thought oh when I do tell people they will say leave straight away no ifs or buts, but I think I was taken back when their response was, yes you should leave but at the end of the day it’s your decision. I think that’s when I started to doubt myself, as in have I not given this my all and tried to stay?

I also think what if I regret my decision years down the line, so much doubt going on yet when I was ready to tell people there was no doubt??

[Bubblegum.]

Hello thank you for the advice!
Did occupational health need to get involved in your situation as you took time off at all? Xx

[Bubblegum.]

Hi @gettingtired
Exactly, I think right now we choose to remember all the good stuff which doesn’t help at all.

But like what was said above, some people don’t mind living like this so maybe they will find someone who will accept their abuse?? I just think we know it isn’t right and we have to get out.

Everyone keeps saying to me expect worse times than good times initially because they know it’s not going to be easy. I was meant to spend the rest of my life with him and now that’s all gone.

What hurts the most is when people who are close to you tell you that they feel sorry for your husband. Makes me feel like I’m doing something so bad. But they will never understand unless they have gone through it right??
Xx

[Bubblegum.]

I know, it’s just sometimes hard to process that he will become someone that I just used to know which really hurts but what would hurt me even more is staying in this toxic relationship.
Xx

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