Celeanor

[Celeanor]

I have been told this from a few people and I will do this if he doesn’t back off now he has been spoken to.
I hate how much of a hold he has over me, to the point I’m dreaming horrible things about him and becoming scared and on edge of my safety.

[Celeanor]

Thank you so much for your response and making this feel more like a positive thing. The fact I’ve reported him will now make others aware of the real him and I guess people can make sure I am safe when he’s around. I will look into this victim support as I feel I need someone to speak to and some added support is always a help.
Hopefully from now on he can realise if he carries on then he can lose his job and just maybe he will give me the space I want. Time will tell.
Thanks for the support.
I hope you are well x

[Celeanor]

Well I’m glad you realised and you didn’t fall into his trap. Wow that does sound creepy.
Don’t be silly you can never talk to much about yourself, that’s what this is for. I’m here to listen if you ever want to rant.
It sure is a funny thing, love can be the best feeling ever at times, if it’s with the right person. But when you come across men like these they just make it horrible for all of us.
Hahaha I think I’ll agree with you on that one, chocolate over men.
I like that song, lyrics are very good. Will remember them for sure.
Thank you xx

[Celeanor]

Thank you so much! You’re so right, it’s just getting through the first few weeks and months but I know I am on the right track and I can’t wait until I feel completely free again. As I feel like for the past couple of years I just been trapped. Still miss him like crazy but that’s normal when you love someone. I don’t expect my emotions to change straight away.
I just need to be strong and remind myself of the reasons why we aren’t together and luckily there is plenty of those.
I hope that you’re keeping well and strong.
Take care of yourself and thanks again for reaching out to me! Xx

[Celeanor]

Thank you so much for the reply, I still can’t believe I’ve found the courage to leave and I don’t think he can believe himself that I left also. It’s just being strong enough to stick to my guns and not want to go back, which is difficult when they play the nice , loving person that you always wanted them to be when you were with them.
Why are these men so good at getting inside of our heads?!
That’s such a good saying!! Hope you’re well? Xx

[Celeanor]

Hi,
I had a similar situation, me and my ex partner work together so everyone at work knows who we are and we’re so used to us being together so when we both called in sick for a few days during our break up as things had gotten really bad, we knew that people would start talking.
Anyway I tried to go back to work and pretend like nothing had happened just because I didn’t want people to know details as it’s no one else’s business and I did actually lie and say I had to use some of my holiday up as I had some left over. People believed me. Eventually last week I decided to let people know we are no longer together and all I’ve said is that things haven’t worked out how I wanted them to and that I didn’t want to explain what went on.
It depends on who you can trust at your work place, unfortunately for me, if I open my mouth to anyone, and he hears me talking then I will get the back lash of it and he will react badly to me. So it’s safer for me to pretend like it was a mutual break up. Which angers me because why should be have to keep so quiet but I guess it’s to protect ourselves.
If you do have someone you feel you can trust, it may do you good to speak with someone if you feel comfortable to do so, at least then you have that extra support also, but although lying is horrible, if you don’t feel ready to speak to anyone about what’s happened then you may have to make up an excuse for your absence.
I hope you manage to figure something out and I hope that you’re keeping well.
Be kind to yourself, my messages are open if you fancy a private chat at anytime.
Take care xx

[Celeanor]

Hey, I’m new here and have also come onto this feeling extremely lonely.
I hope your walk helped you, I’ve found it’s one thing that has helped me lately, especially when the weather has started getting better.
Loneliness is such a horrible feeling, this lockdown sure does not help at all, I think a lot of us on women’s aid will be glad when we can have a bit of freedom back to keep us distracted.
My private messages are always open if you fancy a chat anytime. Take care x

[Celeanor]

Hey! Thank you so much, sending hugs back to you also.
Struggling so bad and I know I have a rubbish week ahead of me as I have to go (detail removed by Moderator)…. I’m hoping things start getting better for me, as a (detail removed by Moderator) year old I feel this is so much for me to cope with 😩

[Celeanor]

I was doing well, until I had to collect the last of my stuff from his flat (detail removed by Moderator) and seeing him I just crumbled and just miss him so much still and look at him and think of all of our happy memories. But I need to be strong and remind myself the reason why I left! I keep seeing the word “ trauma-bond” come up but haven’t really read much about this.
I will 100% look into this book, I’m not much of a reader but I will happily do anything that may help me along the way and will keep me distracted.
Thank you so much for your response, I hope you’re keeping well and positive xx

[Celeanor]

Hi,
Thanks for responding to me, I appreciate that! It’s alright when I have things to distract me like work, but the weekends I struggle with because I have so much free time and that’s when I’m stuck inside my own thoughts, which isn’t nice, I do what you do and start remembering the happier times we had together, but then sometimes something will click and I’ll sit and remember all the times he was nasty to me and how much he disrespected me. As you say these things are not repairable and that’s what I need to get inside of my head. I guess the hardest part is that I love him and never wanted things to go this way and I wish he could be the man I wanted but he just can’t. You shouldn’t have to beg someone to change, they should treat you with respect without having to beg for it.
We deserve so much more and need to be kind to ourselves! X

[Celeanor]

This sounds like the person I have just come out of a relationship with, thankfully we didn’t have children together although he was always asking that I would come off my pill so we could have one and I never did because deep down I knew he was not the one for me and now I am so so thankful that I listened to my heart as this would have been another way that he would have control over me.
These men are horrible and don’t want us to feel good about ourselves or confident. They want us to feel like we are nothing, we’re useless and no one would be interested in us.
I feel if my ex could, he would just trap me out of the house and away from the world so he had me all to himself. It’s crazy when I was in the relationship , everyone from my family / a couple of friends I had would tell me he treated me so wrong and it isn’t really until now that I have finally left, I realise just how controlling and abusive he was. I still love him and miss him but I also hate what he has done to me.
It’s important to talk to people and let your emotions out and that’s what this group is for.
My messages are always open if you need someone to vent to.
Be strong and remember, you’re worth so much more than the women he makes you feel!

[Celeanor]

Thank you, I know it’s going to be a long road ahead and I believe with support of the lovely ladies on this forum that have experienced similar situations , I will become stronger each day.

[Celeanor]

Hi,
Thanks so much for the reply. I agree with what you’re saying 100% , I think I never grieved fully for the loss of my partner and like you said, my ex caught me when I was most vulnerable and took advantage of me completely.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through a similar situation, but also thankful we can chat and help eachother along the way?
My emotions are the same like you, and I also was having dreams every night about him. This week I have felt more anger towards him, which is better as it makes healing feel a little easier.
I will have a look at this book.
Thank again, take care. My messages are always open if you want to chat any further x

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