Elephanttrunk

[Elephanttrunk]

Ive made another post but wanted to add it here. I done it yesterday. I got help from my neighbour and the police came and charged him and hes gone out my house. Finally.
Agapantha-
“For me, I met someone in a group that reminded me that I had used to be adventourous and daring (in some areas of my life). I remembered that side that was freedom loving and carefree and bold and brave and I realised how much I missed that side of myself. I put that side of myself in charge. I actaully imagined she was almost like a different person, one who had not suffered the abuse. One who was excited about leaving instead of scared. That is what did it for me.”
I para phrased this that the other day, and ive made a painting with the words on it. Thank you, you hit the nail on the head with that and i just kept saying it for days, along with everything else I’ve been saying for months and it obviously was the missing piece to my thinking.
The adrenaline hasn’t gone away and I keep thinking ive made a mistake and feeling sorry for him but at the sametime i regret it not being today so he was in for the weekend. Not to be petty just i feel everything was rushed with the police and a weekend would have given them more time.

[Elephanttrunk]

I have been to my gp and they know bits of what he has done, it was my gp who suggested i come on here, and contact womens aid.
I am on the waiting list for women’s aid which is 6 months i was told, so only another 2 to wait.
I they have said I can access their drop in, which i have twice now. I am not sure how helpful it is though. I am aware of my situation and aware i need to get him out. I just keep backing down. Im not sure how to challenge that.
I keep saying next time he does something or next time the police come i will say something. Then i freeze up and get really anxious that i will regret it if I do say something. It opens a can of worms and I cant go back on it once I do.
It is so stupid i dont know what i wrong with me at all anymore.
All the things that i said if a partner done to me again i would end it straight away and i haven’t got him out and hes done them all and more.
Every day is so miserable and restricted. I am so isolated and alone. I try to not let him isolate me but he normally manages to do what he wants to me.
I just don’t know what has to happen for me to stand up for myself for once. Its my flat so it has to be him that goes not me.

[Elephanttrunk]

Stay stong.
If you go back now you will find it so hard to leave again.
Your probably anxious and depressed because of the things that have made you leave, and leaving is a step towards feeling more stable.
Be realistic about what you have lost and gained by leaving.
You have lost a person who gives you hurt, abuse and pain.
You have gained freedom.
Thinking of you x

[Elephanttrunk]

Thank you all for your replies, this is why I need to be able to get on here, so much kindness and good advice.
I’ve just got to be much more careful coming on here. I just was in a really bad way the other day after a particularly traumatic night, it was so stupid of me to get caught.
I feel like I’m in much more danger now he knows that I am asking these questions.
I don’t think a code on my phone would help, he would just see that as “evidence” that I have cheated on him. Its physical emotional psychological financial abuse and I think there is sexual abuse but I’m so broken I can’t even tell. Its mostly psychological but it’s all getting much worse.
My gp is being really helpful but it’s hard to get out to see her but I did tell her recently how things are at home.
I know I need to leave I just don’t have any support and I’m finding it so hard to get the support I need to leave. I’m terrified cause the only thing I can do is lie to him but am terrified I will get caught anytime I lie.

[Elephanttrunk]

How would he react if you done that?
My partner has no regard for my needs, and wil wake me up in the night by hitting me or shouting at me.
But if I wake him up by getting up for the toilet, or going to bed or getting up at the “wrong” time… He loses his temper.
Its about power isn’t it? He is denying you power over your own need to sleep, which is an essential human need.
How does no sleep affect you? Cause I know that am much less able to think clearly, or defend myself. Or consider walking away from him.
I think they know that

[Elephanttrunk]

Groups can be hard for that, I’ve not been to a group about domestic abuse but I’ve been to a group for something similar.
It really hits hard to hear other people’s stories. But it can be so helpful, not just for sharing ways of coping. But as you say you hear the similarities, and knowing that if all these other women have had similar experiences its not just you. And seeing how they were not to blame, having empathy for their situation, and slowly that will transfer to yourself. Sometimes it’s easier to do that for someone else when you can’t do it for yourself.
I know that wasn’t your question- I just hope you stick in at it.
You should try and let the women who runs the group know how you feel, just the same as you have let us on here know how you feel.
In the meantime its just taking care of your self. A nice walk or long soak in the bath, cuddle up with a book or put your favourite movie on. Try and unwind and relax, don’t let it consume you

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