Featheredge

[Featheredge]

Thankyou! And gosh no! It’s not even appropriate I feel that I would even get undressed or anything like that infront of him. I have said no it’s not right but he just says please and I feel I can’t say no.

Thank you for responding. I am really struggling with this. And I also feel pathetic.

[Featheredge]

Hi I am just like you, I have tear rolling down my face having read your post.
I also wonder if I have created this and was it as bad as I thought. And I feel so much guilt it’s incredible because I have broken the man who loved me, through all of it I know he loved me. I wish there was more help on this bit. I feel I am ruining lives and should’ve just stayed or at least give him a chance. But the chance worries me as I will never be strong enough to go again. This has been the worst year so far, like you I get told the reason he behaved like x after I left wa s because of what I did. He says he has no life any more he is constantly upset, he has lost weight and looks broken. So what do we do? Should we give them another chance because like you I had lots of good times but the eggshells and the telling me what to do hasn’t changed. I hope you are ok and I would be interested to hear your decision. Good luck with everything….

[Featheredge]

I was just about to post something similar….your post has made me cry. I left months ago, but I’m slowly giving in. What’s the point? Like you my happiness seems of little value and my kids wants us back together, so maybe I should stop being selfish and just give in. I didn’t have a bad life before just controlling a bit and I did everything. I do like having no egg shells to walk on but I hate how I feel right now and I haven’t felt happiness since leaving so what was the point? All I’ve done is cause upset and grief for others. I cannot carry on like this, I am so incredibly sad and I know he is too because of my actions. So I hear what you are saying and would like to hear back, if you feel any different because right now, I’m like you. And yeah I’m not drunk or ever used drugs but maybe I’m depressed…..that’s because of the whole year of crap so far….I am broken.

Take care and I hope you make the right decision 😔

[Featheredge]

It’s hard! I am so sorry to hear what you have read, I’m having a mega tough day but I still love my OH. Even tho I left (detail removed by Moderator) ago after nearly (detail removed by Moderator)! Please think what’s right for you and the children tho. (detail removed by Moderator) I am having second thoughts about going back. Major ones. My kids hate me for leaving, well the youngest, he vocalises it and I can see his struggles. So whatever you do don’t be selfish like I was, think of the children too. Have you considered counselling for you both?

[Featheredge]

I’m in the same boat as you. I am new here. I was married for a long time with a family too and a friend also made comments about the way I was treated and now I feel like I’ve let him down by believing he was this ‘abuser’ when actually he loved me more than anything just didn’t always act like it. He spent a lot of time doing his things, pub several times a week, not always late while I worked and looked after the family. He would also not put me down as such, although fiends would disagree, so am I used to it, but he would say don’t wear that I don’t like it or where that you know I think you look fit in that, then say I was the most beautiful person and I know he believed that.
However I have now left and several months later he is still devastated still wants me back and still says come home and I know he is so hurt but when he treated me not nice I never hurt that much, u happy but not hurting so it seems what I have done is so much worse. I am debating do I go back but SO much has happened during this time. But every time I see him he cries or is sick at the thought of not being with me. However I question every decision now and I do not know if I have made the right one. I just know he took me for granted, served me scraps of his time and I wasn’t happy for different reasons but it wasn’t all bad, we had some good times too and now out of it it’s sometimes hard to see the bad as overshadowed by the happy memories. And yet when I was there it was the opposite. I feel like I am losing my mind and if anyone ever asked I would always say just stay, put up and stay as it’s the hardest thing I have ever done. He is hurting so much and this is all because of my decision. It’s awful. I would love to message or have support from anyone in the group please as right now I am struggling despite having counselling and being referred to a programme I do wonder my partner was not an abuser just a man who didn’t quite treat me right and surely there is a bit of that in every relationship. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship ever is there?!

[Featheredge]

I am completely new to this and would like to start a new thread but no idea how?

I want to find if anyone feels that maybe it’s in their head. I left my husband after (detail removed by moderator) together, and I still love him which messes with my head. My counselor thinks it been years is mental abuse I am not sure. I dont believe he knows he is doing it, his love for me is so strong, even now after several months apart. The kids want us back together, at least my youngest does. I feel lost and worry so much about him all the time. I have broken him and he is so devastated. I am not even sure if it’s right that I am on here……he was simply a husband who loved me dearly and would get jealous… anyone else feel like this? I do not think I will ever be ok without him, even though I have a friend who is so kind to me. Advice please?

 

 

[Featheredge]

I’ve just read your story and it’s likey own. I left (detail removed by Moderator) ago and keep being told his life is not worth living without me. He married for life. He knows when we said our vows we meant it, he knows we have a different relationship to anyone else and can get through. Since I’ve left he has changed so much in terms of what he does in the house, cooking from scratch for the kids before rarely cooked anything, shopping cleaning all the things you would need to do being the only adult. He also says he will change and won’t go to the pub, obviously in lockdown he can’t go so how do I know! He says he is a sad old man with no day of happiness since he lost his one true love. I deeply care, I feel I still love him but honestly when I’m on my own yes I feel lost sometimes but there is no anxiety or worry about what time or what state he will come in or me doing everything for my kids as he never did it before. What did you do? Did you stay? I’m torn, I don’t know whether to go back and money is tough as we have never sorted anything! The only thing I did was take my wedding ring off! I feel so sad today, he wants me to pop over (detail removed by Moderator) to watch (detail removed by Moderator). He wants to see me to give me my rent to pay, even tho times are tough he has worked hard to get me enough to cover despite (detail removed by Moderator) this month. I’m mixed up I’m a mess and I feel so so indecisive and sad.

[Featheredge]

Hi seeking peace, you mentioned abuse affecting your children. Do you mind me asking what? I think I have been blinded by stuff and despite being an intelligent person I struggle to see things. I have been referred to the freedom programme but there has been no meetings, I’m not sure the freedom Programme is right for me anyway. I read a book all about it, in two sittings loaned to me by a counsellor. Yes I could relate to some aspects but I think that’s in most men some parts. And I know I defend him, I do as this is my husband and partner of thirty decades! So I am interested to hear about how you consider it affected your children please. Many thanks

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