Hazel

[Hazel]

Bless you, I hope we can feel better all the time. One day I feel optimistic but another so
scary and really down when I think about his reaction to divorce and having to sell the house so this is why I am thinking if I should or not to do the non molestation order together with the divorce file. He is also very mean and does not want to share finances. He wants everything for himself. I have a meeting with solicitor and I decide I will tell her everything and listen to her advices. Take care ❤❤❤

[Hazel]

Thank you for you replies. Yes he threatened to kill me a few months ago but I haven’t reported it to police. I know I should but I am so scared of his reaction to this as I always was. I am even afraid to do the non molestation order but as you said it shows I stand for myself. He’s go a new girlfriend now and keeps very quiet but I know when it comes to selling the house he still lives there his behaviour will change. When I left he told my daughter (detail removed by moderator)…He also saying (detail removed by moderator).
Now I am going for divorce so I am really scared of his reaction to this. He thinks we will stay as it is now without divorce as he doesn’t want to sell anything, there is another (detail removed by moderator). I left with my girls renting a small flat whereas he stayed in a big house on his own which is so unfair…

[Hazel]

Thank you Ladies

We’ve been together for decades. You are right Hereforhelp , I thought the same that if he wants to be a good person he would go for himself and for kids, this is what I said to him. At first he was cooperative, we agreed what to do with our equity etc but now when I rejected him again after his promises he said he will watch me and if I want something from him, like one of our houses as we agreed before, I might be in dangerous…

[Hazel]

I am planning to do the same so will listen to the lovely ladies with their advices. In my opinion we should be ok to take our staff, I am making a list what I want to take with me. Good Luck 🙂

[Hazel]

Oh bless you. Luckly my daughter doesn’t want to talk to her dad, but he wants have a contact with her. I told him (detail removed by moderator). I hope we can be free for ever soon. Sending you lots of love and strengh❤

[Hazel]

I have just left my abusive husband and he also is begging me to come back and he wants to be friends as well. I do not like his idea about friendships, I want totally get rid of him. He wasn’t a friend with me for decades but he wants it now. I think this is kind of manipulation but I also do not know how to deal with such situation so I will listen to the lovely ladies who can give us some support how to get rid of him totally from our lives.

[Hazel]

OMG this is so true, he already said he wants me back, he is depressed, he hasn’t sleep and eat for a few days and call my name in very nice way, the name he never called me for the decades. I have never seen him like this, begging me to come back, but I do not believe in any of his words. Thanks to the forum I managed to escape as by reading all the posts I knowledge myself the way he treated me was completely unexeptable. Thank you all❤💕

[Hazel]

Thank you and yes I change my phone number. It is difficult time time for us but I am not under such stress as I was for yes, feeling emotionally free and happy I managed to do it. He is begging me for coming back but I do not believe in any of his word any more 💕

[Hazel]

Thank you nbumblebee for you encouraging words. My plan is to contact refuge tomorrow to get safety place for us💕

[Hazel]

Oh bless you, your situation is very similar to mine. I also have two children one daughter is at Uni too, the other is with me. The older one was suffering too when living with us and as the result she suffer from OCD. Even if she is still she is aggrandisement of him for example to paint her nails red the same as I was.She was assaulted by him when she was at home (detail removed by moderator) for something that a normal person would laugh instead, terrible I know. In my situation was coercive controlling, emotional, financia,verbal and physical towards me and my kids. I eventually decided to finish this to safeguard my daughter and me. It took me decades to realise I can do it. I am at my friend’s house and organising refuge for us,I hope everything will be fine, I am also so scared of him for what I have done and he hasn’t contact me since so I do not know what to thinks? I truelly believing we will be fine after this big storm. Take care❤️

[Hazel]

Thank you for this post ladies. I also left recently with my young daughter after decades of marriage. It is really hard time for us as we have to leave everything behind, our home, our friend, school and some of good memories too. Our life is upside down at the moment but I started believing it was the best decision ever. Take care and look after yourselves💕

[Hazel]

Thank you Lisa for all this information, I will definitely contact them to see what my rights are❤

[Hazel]

I wish she has no contact with him but I know he would insist on it so I need to find out what are his right in such situation.

[Hazel]

Thank you Auriel for your support words❤
Yes, you are right, he learned this from his home, women are for housework and man are for work outside. I am only thinking that my situation is hopeless as I know he could be so dangerous if I leave. If my younger is an aduld I wouldn’t even stay a minute with him but she is still a child and I know he would like to have a contact with her which could be dangerous fo myself. My daughter can’t anwer back yet, but I know she will one day and I know he doesn’t like if someone is confronting him. I am going to speak to my domestic abuse service to see what are my options. This forum is amazing and as much as I read I slowly realise I do not have to live my life like that.

[Hazel]

Hi Gettingtired, thank you for your reply and the warm words. My daughter is not complicit in his abuse, she’s got completely different character than her older sister and she is quite clever as she knows already how to deal with him, she knows what does pleased him so I would say she is already walking on eggshells, she is more communicative with him than my older was as she was kind of not wanting to be around him.

[Hazel]

Thank you Lisa for your support, I next step is to contact my local domestic abuse cetre to get help for my situation.

[Hazel]

I am having a good day too when I do not see my husband that often. His way of living makes me miserable. He doesn’t have any friends and I do not like inviting my friends because of him. There reasons for his is if someone has a diffrent opinion than him he becomes aggressive so I’m simple ashamed of his behaviour. I could write more and more about his weird personality. I am planning to escape and I would not tolerate any more aggressive behaviour towards me and my daughters. I said myself one more time and I am out. He said to me he will kill, I was scared so this is why I am still with him, but I have recently realised this is they way of dealing so we feel like we are trapped.

[Hazel]

Absolutely not, you are not abuser, he is. My husbhusband is the same, he doesn’t help with kids, I have to do all the cooking, washing and everything in home. I remember one day he physically push me to cook a dinner for him when I refused, they are horrible abusers I feel how you are feeling. This forum really helps me to understand my situation, I have just realised this is abuse and I have already started planning and escaping from my abuser. Good luck xx

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