hpsauce

[hpsauce]

Hi Bananaboat.

thanks for your response. I have tried to implement parallel parenting to no avail. We do communicate via an app which helps but all the court stuff that you have to go through to show you are going through the motions are geared towards making sure you are ticking every positive co-parenting box so I don’t feel like I can really resist this as it looks like I’m the on not showing willing.
Also I spoke to my local domestic violence team and specially asked for counselling with someone who dealt with DV and they didn’t. I think because I haven’t experienced severe physical harm that I don’t really qualify. I’ve just been left to my own devices.
we have just finished mediation after going through a bunch who wouldn’t or couldn’t mediate with him or he refused to see and now he is pressuring my solicitor to get things signed off.
I genuinely can’t handle court again. I just need to move on but every time I have a single solitary day that is non eventful it is usually followed by a day of bombshells and shit. My nervous system is completely shot. I just can’t do this anymore. It’s too much. How do people get through this??

[hpsauce]

Bless you. It’s hard isn’t it to actually get away. Leaving is one thing but actually being free of them is another. It’s amazing how much work they will put into ensuring things are as difficult as possible for us.

I’m sorry your ex is making things tough for you. It sucks doesn’t it?

I have had nhs therapy but to be honest it was a good as lined paper! I just feel like I’m beyond breathing exercises now and need actual help! Have just found every avenue has lead to a pretty rapid dead end. Is so wearing.

Am sorry you are feeling this way too. I am sure you are doing well ie getting done what needs to etc and showing up where you need to be but it’s how you feel isn’t it. Feel free to message too xxx

[hpsauce]

Bless you guys,

Thank you so much for sharing. Spirited Away, it’s interesting you mention sore throat as I constantly have a sore throat, lose my voice or horrible chest stuff. Makes me feel like I literally need to get stuff off my chest!

Thank you all for sharing. I just feel so beaten down at the moment. It’s unfathomable that I will ever feel ok again. Emotionally or physically although I know with time it will happen.

Thinking of you Caledonia6. It all takes its toll doesn’t it? It’s our bodies way or showing us that we need hibernation and zen! Sending you all the love and hoping things aren’t too rough for you.

Health and zen to all xxx

[hpsauce]

Thank you. I definitely see why the option not to share is often preferable. It’s certainly easier even though people mean well.
It’s complete and total overload! I am someone who really prefers to just live a quiet life. I love silence, I don’t have many people around, I hate talking on the phone, I need space and everyone is so worried about me and because I don’t really feel safe on my own at the moment I have had people every day for a month. That alone is exhausting let alone all the phone calls that have to be answered re safeguarding etc. I am more of a wreck now that before!
I am hoping for normality again at some point. It feels like things will never be ok again.
Sorry to offload. Has been a particularly tough day x

[hpsauce]

Oh my gosh yes thank you so much for sharing this. You become so used to doing what everyone else wants for an easy life that everything inevitably gets harder.

You just need recovery time don’t you.

I feel bad because it has literally taken a village to get him out of my house and I feel somewhat indebted to the village. I know things have to get worse before they get better but people were pressuring me to do this a year ago and there is no way I could’ve handled it with my schedule then. X

Thank you for sharing x

[hpsauce]

Sending you so much love and solidarity. You deserve to be respected and loved and most of all, to come first in your own life. So glad you have the support you need. You are an inspiration! Xxx

[hpsauce]

Hey Twitcher,

Welcome to the forum! I’m pretty new here too and have found browsing on here an endless comfort while I too strike up the courage to get my ex out of the house once and for all.

You are gathering all the strength you need and we are all cheering you on.

Sending love and support xx

[hpsauce]

First of all I am so sorry you have had to endure all of this.
You are so strong and resilient to still be standing and be able to tell your story after all you have been through. Know that you are a warrior.

I know you know this but I just need to reiterate that it isn’t your fault. You didn’t deserve it, none of it. Try not to blame yourself for going back because it’s his actions that are wrong. Your feet may have walked you there but you didn’t ask him to abuse you.

Look after yourself and keep reaching out on here. So much helpful advice available and no judgement.

Lots of love x

[hpsauce]

I totally understand. I am in a similar boat where I don’t necessarily want to take out a non mol but at the same time I just want him gone. I too haven’t been physically abused but the daily yelling and treading on egg shells to avoid his unpredictable moods has taken its toll.
Is your DV worker approachable? Are you able to tell her about your desire to not take out a non mol?

It’s good that you are setting a plan in place before acting and moving at a pace you are comfortable with. Please don’t feel ashamed. It’s about building yourself back up and doing what you need now.
It has taken you a lot to get to this point and it’s important you pour back into yourself as much as possible.

Look after yourself x

[hpsauce]

Thanks so much Here for Help, that’s a really great idea. I will definitely do that. I finish my current job in a few months and really want my home back before then, A so I can experience going to work and coming home to a peaceful home and B, so I know I’ll be ok when I don’t have work to escape to.

Thanks again,

[hpsauce]

Wow thank you so much everyone. Is so nice to hear from people who have been through this and know what it’s like.
I have a 30 minute consult with a solicitor next week so have been getting my questions ready.
I did report him to my local health visiting team after he took her up north and check in with the regularly. Just getting my ducks in a row.
Will definitely read that book Here for Help. Thank you for the kind rec.
Sending you all lots of love.
Thank you for inspiring me and also taking the time to reply. Means a lot x

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